* Wook at my cute wittle puppy he is just the sweetest wittle guy ever.
* If that asshole doesn't stop eating my fucking trash and leaving tissue everywhere I am putting all of his toys in time out for one week.
* I have the flu.
* I think I have cancer, arthritis, scarlet fever, pneumonia and the plague. AM DYING.
* Catered for a wedding, so beautiful, love working up at the lake.
* What kind of idiot invites 125 people to their wedding? 375 Plates to wash IS NOT OKAY!!!!!
* Scabs have soaked off, dirty water soaking into my body through open wounds, am going to die dish related death.
* Oh hay I is still sick forget the plague I now have Malaria and West Nile Virus.
* I grew the worlds best tomatoes ever.
* This winter is going to suck without tomatoes. Woe is me.
* Fucking dog NO TISSUE MEANS NO TISSUE.
* Mmmmm flannel sheet season,
* Remember that time I gave up eggs? Yeah that was stupid I miss ranch dressing.
* The squeeze In restaurant has eggless ranch dressing. The world is right again.
* I microwaved my ranch on accident. The world sucks again.
* My floors are so pretty and mopped.
* I have two kids and a dog. My floors are not pretty and mopped anymore.
* It's almost my birthday awwww yeah, a whole weekend with my husband at a hotel just us all alone together.
* Fuck. I turn thirty this weekend. I am old. Am no longer hip young girl.
* Psh, thirty is the new 20. Am still so totally awesome and young.
* Yeah I totally watched Kim Kardashians wedding. I'm a nerd.
* Khloe Kardashian is totally on my shit list after watching the wedding.
* I am still mad about the 375 plates.
* Did I mention I had to cut up 125 4 oz pieces of salmon?
* I still smell fish on my wedding ring and I am pretty sure it is oozing out of my pores.
* Weeee tomatoes.
* If I ever see another zucchini in my life I'm going to cry.
* My desk is clean, I am so caught up and I look like an office super hero.
* When did the earthquake hit my office, I'm so behind, I'll never be caught up, going to cry, save me.
* Fuck it. I'm going to burn it all down then I'll never have to see another post it note in my life.
* DIE SQUEAKY TOY! DIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
* My burrito is ready. I'm off to eat now and hopefully cure myself of the Cholera plague I'm dying of.