* Wook at my cute wittle puppy he is just the sweetest wittle guy ever.

* If that asshole doesn't stop eating my fucking trash and leaving tissue everywhere I am putting all of his toys in time out for one week.

* I have the flu.

* I think I have cancer, arthritis, scarlet fever, pneumonia and the plague.  AM DYING.

* Catered for a wedding, so beautiful, love working up at the lake.

* What kind of idiot invites 125 people to their wedding? 375 Plates to wash IS NOT OKAY!!!!!

* Scabs have soaked off, dirty water soaking into my body through open wounds, am going to die dish related death.  

* Oh hay I is still sick forget the plague I now have Malaria and West Nile Virus.

* I grew the worlds best tomatoes ever.

* This winter is going to suck without tomatoes.  Woe is me.

* Fucking dog NO TISSUE MEANS NO TISSUE.

* Mmmmm flannel sheet season,

* Remember that time I gave up eggs?  Yeah that was stupid I miss ranch dressing.

* The squeeze In restaurant has eggless ranch dressing.  The world is right again.

* I microwaved my ranch on accident.  The world sucks again.

* My floors are so pretty and mopped.

* I have two kids and a dog.  My floors are not pretty and mopped anymore.

* It's almost my birthday awwww yeah, a whole weekend with my husband at a hotel just us all alone together.

* Fuck.  I turn thirty this weekend.  I am old.  Am no longer hip young girl.  

* Psh, thirty is the new 20.  Am still so totally awesome and young.

* Yeah I totally watched Kim Kardashians wedding.  I'm a nerd.

* Khloe Kardashian is totally on my shit list after watching the wedding.

* I am still mad about the 375 plates.

* Did I mention I had to cut up 125 4 oz pieces of salmon?

* I still smell fish on my wedding ring and I am pretty sure it is oozing out of my pores.

* Weeee tomatoes.

* If I ever see another zucchini in my life I'm going to cry.

* My desk is clean, I am so caught up and I look like an office super hero.

* When did the earthquake hit my office, I'm so behind, I'll never be caught up, going to cry, save me.

* Fuck it.  I'm going to burn it all down then I'll never have to see another post it note in my life.

* DIE SQUEAKY TOY! DIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

* My burrito is ready.  I'm off to eat now and hopefully cure myself of the Cholera plague I'm dying of.