Many of you might be wondering what happened after my big JACK epiphany at a funeral.

I am going to be brutally honest in my answer.

But first you should know, that for the first time in almost two years I am completely unmedicated.

I’ll give you a moment to digest that.

I’m going to warn you now. This post is going to be scattered. It might be hard to follow, I will jump from topic to topic, and…well, welcome to my head 24/7.

Being unmedicated is the HARDEST thing I’ve done in my life. When you are on anti-depressents and antipsychotics, you quickly forget what life off of them was like. Let me tell you.

IT REALLY FUCKING SUCKS.

I can’t sleep anymore because my head is back to racing a thousand miles a moment. I cry any time I am along in the car. I am horrible at being a mom. I’m over eating to the point that the number on the scale has moved from, “damn that sucks,” to “this is serious.” I hear constant noise in my head. I shake often. I don’t feel like I have a place in this world, and I feel alone in every single inch of it because not one REAL LIFE person I know has what I have.

One thing that kept me going through all of this was Jack. I’ve steadily worn my WWJD bracelet. Never removing it, (okay once, but dude I wasn’t sticking my bracelet inside a turkey ass on thanksgiving to dig out the giblets).

But then something happened.

I heard things about Jack that I didn’t like. I take being a parent seriously. I became medicated because I wanted to be a better mom. A mom who yelled less. Who was nicer to my kids. I just wanted to be the best mom I could be. So hearing one day that my HERO had done things as a father that I didn’t agree with deflated me. It literally sucked the life out of me. I wanted to rip the bracelet off. Who was this man. This hero. How could I follow him anymore?

But I made a deal with myself to think it through before taking the bracelet off.

Insert drastic subject change here.

I’ve been noticing things were wrong in my life for a while now. I’m not happy in my house. I’m not happy with my body. I’m not happy with who I am as a parent.

I couldn’t place it. None of it. I knew there was something there but what? Then two nights ago while going through the 14,000 pictures on my computer I came to the set of pictures from the last house we lived in. I started crying immediately. There, were probably 10,000 pictures of things I had forgotten. How often I took Brandon outside to run in the sprinkler. How many times we sat out back and chalked. How often I had my camera with me capturing my kids smile. Playing with them in the sand. I saw pictures of walks to the park, while I walked and Brandon rode his first bike there. I was crushed. Where did this mother go? What happened to me? How had I become so shitty?

I reflected on my life now. My kids come home and I often find myself telling them to go in the play room while I read a book. Why? Because I need me time right? I just could not figure out what changed. And then I had a Bob Harper moment (the hottie trainer from Biggest loser).

How did I get to that Bob Harper moment? I reflected back on Jack. I looked at my bracelet and then I stopped and looked at his kids. I only know one of his kids well but Rick, the son I do know blows my mind. He is amazing. He is happy. Energetic. He gives off positive vibes like no other. He jumps at the chance to help people. He stops and takes 20 minutes out of his day to listen to a messed up girl (me) and then takes the time to advise me. Not only advise me, but leave me with quotes. Tell me examples of his own life. EMPATHISE with me. Rick, this crazy busy man took the time out of his day to help a person. He told me that everything happens for a reason. That there is a bigger plan for me. That I AM GOING TO BE OKAY. It is impossible to think of Rick without smiling. You cannot mention Rick or his brother Ted without eliciting a smile from the other person. And then it hit me. Rick, this wonderful, amazing, heartfelt, enlightened, passionate person was who he was because of Jack.

Sitting here in bed with my husband tonight it all became clear. Jack was teaching me a lesson again. Jack was teaching me that it is okay to make mistakes. It is okay to do things that aren’t great. It is okay as long as you do more good then you do bad. Suddenly in those 2 minutes of talking to my husband I realized so much. I need to let go of the past parenting mistakes I’ve made. I need to stop holding on to them. Stop worrying that my kids will have residual effects of me yelling and instead concentrate on becoming not only the best mom that I can be but the best teacher I can be. Everything Rick and his family are, is because of their parents. BOTH PARENTS (Yes Roe, you too, you held their crazy asses together). Suddenly I understood that this bracelet was here to remind me every day of a few things: To take it easy on myself, to remember to teach my children to be men, to remember to teach them to be positive, to remember to teach them to do good for others, to teach them to have kind hearts, to teach them to be full of energy and laughter so contagious that when other people meet my children they can’t help but smile too. It was time to stop dwelling on what I’d done and start concentrating on what I needed to do.

It’s been almost 7 months since Jack left and he’s still teaching me things. He’s teaching me so much. He’s teaching me that my biggest job in life is to create children who will someday stand at my funeral and not only have good things to say about me, but to have wisdom to pass on. To create children that the rest of the world looks up to.

You guessed it. That bracelet is still firmly planted on my wrist. It’s now there to remind me to teach my boys integrity. To teach them selflessness. To teach them to truly enjoy life. To teach them the meaning of living like God, and doing for others not based on what they will get out of it, but based simply on what the other person will.

That sneaky Jack, all this time later and he’s still teaching me….without even knowing it.

So back to my Bob Harper moment. While talking all of this through with my husband I said, you know one thing I noticed in all those pictures was that we only had one living room. I was forced to be with my kids. I didn’t have the option of sending them in a play room, and at that point that was normal. So last night when I sat down to read, I reflected on that and instead got up, went in the playroom with them and we all snuggled on the couch reading together until they both fell asleep.

But I still struggled with something. Something wasn’t right. And then it hit me like a ton of bricks. The thing Bob always talks about .

ME TIME

In the old house I used to scrapbook often. But not at home. I actually left the house for about two hours, once a week and went to the scrapbooking store and buried myself in that for what felt like a hundred hours. I came home refreshed, happy, and thrilled to see my kids.

It occurred to me that I was mistaking spending time in my own living room while my kids spent time in the play room as ME TIME. My therapists have been saying for two years I need to set aside me time. I just couldn’t do it. That is selfish. What kind of mom does that?

A GOOD ONE!

My husband goes to the gym right now. Three times a week ALL BY HIMSELF. He has HIM TIME. But what do I do? I sit in a room 20 feet from my kids trying to concentrate on a book or TV show all the while still hearing them scream and fight and hit each other and throw fits. It isn’t ME TIME If I am close enough for them to come complaining to me when one of them stole the other ones blue cup and THE WHOLE ENTIRE WORLD WAS ENDING. I told my husband tonight that I’m going to start scheduling real life me time. A pedicure. A trip to Starbucks to read Steve Jobs bio in peace and quiet (not with the noise of my husbands video game in the background, or kids screaming or a dog itching). I am going to do what Bob says and finally find time for me. That way when I’m home with the kids I’ll want to be with them. I won’t feel so starved for time away .

Being off medication is hard. It’s taking a lot of faith. A lot of tears. A lot of understanding from my husband. But it’s teaching me. It’s teaching me who I want to be. It’s teaching me to find the JACK in myself. Teaching me to find out who I really want to be. What kind of mom and wife and friend I want to be. What kind of human I want to be. I’m learning to look at everything different.

A few weeks ago I would have heard the things I did about Jack and the old Shannon would have just given up on it all and walked away. But I didn’t. I told myself I would give myself the time to think it through. To search for the meaning in it. I found meaning. The most profound meaning of all. To let go of the past and realize that just like Jack, even with my faults I too am capable of doing great things. It’s possible for me to have a funeral with a 1000 people who love me. It’s possible to leave my mark on this world in a good way. To teach other people to find the good in themselves. To find their strength. To find out how to forgive themselves. To become the EVERYTHING they ever wanted to be.

When all of this started I never expected for Jack to stick with me so long. I never expected for him to cross my mind daily. I never expected to find a confidant in his son. I never for a moment expected that he would teach me to love myself again. I tend to start things a lot without finishing them. I’m going to work out, 6 months later it’s done. I’m going to run, 7 months later it’s done. But this time, making me the best I can be…..It’s never going to be done. Because I’m going to keep Jack in my heart. I’m going to keep this bracelet on my wrist every day of my life. I’m going to remember that I have the ability to raise two little humans to be men like Jacks son. Men who will stop everything to listen to a girl who needs to talk. Men who will never give up on anything (even when they probably should), men who will give their shirt off their back wanting nothing in return. Jack has given me the greatest ability of all, the ability to create my own family legacy, the ability to be stronger then I knew possible. The ability to forgive myself. To let it go, and move on. The ability to remember what kind of mom I really want to be. Jack is reminding me it’s okay to do for me too. It’s okay to make mistakes. It’s okay to fall once in a while. As long as even while I’m falling I never forget that I have the power to get back up.

I’m going to do this all. I’m going to get past being off medication. I’m going to somehow learn to release the demons in my head about my past parenting mistakes. I’m going to learn to be strong. I’m going to learn to believe in myself. And most of all, I’m going to remember to look for the good in every situation. To look for the lesson. To not give up because I hear something I don’t like. WWJD? Jack would stop, and find the silver lining in the situation, he would smother the world with the same infectious smile he passed on to his kids and he would persevere, get stronger, and become someone’s hero without even knowing it.

That’s what I intend to do, only my goal, in the end is to wear a bracelet that says WWSD. Become my own hero.

I realize it is easier to write all of this then to do it, but I believe that if I keep Jack in my heart, and I continue to see the beauty he created in his children even with his own flaws, then I have to believe that I can create beauty too right?

I don't normally do reviews on my blog but this is the first time that I got a product that I actually wanted to review. Because it is about my kids. When I was at Blogher I walked through isles and isles of stuff. Some I put in my bag, some I walked past and some I happily ate while browsing (Dove I'm looking at you.). I stumbled across a booth called Zarbees. It was a children's cough medicine.

I wasn't sure what to do. It wasn't a brand I recognized. Could it really be safe? I grabbed a few of the day and night samples and continued on. When I got home I really went around in my head with it. I had never heard of these people. One of them was a nighttime medicine. Was that safe? I'm anal about kids medicine. I worry about dosages and ingredients and dyes.  

I read the packaging and I was happy to find that it contained natural ingredients.  Honey, real fruit flavoring and in the night time one Melatonin.  I hemmed and hawed about that.  Do I want to give my kids a medicine to put them to sleep?  What if their heart stopped? WHAT IF WHAT IF WHAT IF.  

Two weeks later Codi got sick.  When Codi gets sick it's a problem.  He is up all night.  ALL NIGHT.  But the worst part is, he was only three, HE CAN'T TAKE ANY COUGH MEDICINE.  I hate that.  It is not fair that he has to suffer.  I remembered the Zarbee's and decided I would try it. It is safe for kids 2 and up.  It comes in powder form.  You mix it with 2 oz of warm water and then have the child drink it before bed.  I liked that.  It reminded me of Theraflu, and the warmth always seemed to comfort me when I was sick.  

Then came the big problem. CODI DOESN'T PUT ANYTHING IN HIS MOUTH.  Codi only eats chicken nuggest (a specific brand), pancakes (only mini ones), and anything chocolate.  For fever medicine he only likes the pink one. Never the purple.  Only one brand, only one shape.  I mixed up the Zarbees and it wasn't bright purple it was kind of a brown color (hence the natural colors and flavors).  I was afraid of Codi's reaction.  I handed it to him, he eyed me like I was a crazy lady, took a teensy sip, looked at me, blinked, and chugged it all down.  

I was stunned.  He loved it.  It has a sweet honey flavor (I've tried it, adults can take it too).  A nice fruity flavor too.  The moment of truth came.  Codi went to bed at his normal time and then proceeded to sleep through the entire night without a single cough.  

Codi used two more nights after that and each night it worked just as well.  Yesterday Brandon got sick.  We gave him his normal cough medicine and then like I thought he woke up coughing and puking.  I told my husband to give him the Zarbee's.  Guess what.  He slept the rest of the night, didn't make a single noise and even slept in a little instead of waking up at 5:00 am.  It worked amazing.  Brandon had it again tonight and so far he's sleeping peacefully with not a single cough coming from his room.

I wasn't paid for this review, I did it simply because it involves my kids and it really really works.  I like finding out about products that work and are safe for kids.  I also love knowing about something that helps my kids actually get rest when they are sick.  I've always hated when Codi was sick and the doctor said there was nothing he could do because cough meds don't work for kids under 5 or 6.  I hated listening to him cough all night long and stay sick longer because he wasn't resting.  I hated feeling like I could do nothing for him.  I hated laying in bed hearing how miserable he was.  But now, now I listen to silence at night and know that my kid is resting, not coughing and feeling so much better.  I give this product two thumbs up!  It can be bought at :

 

 

GO BUY SOME NOW!

Niki Minaj needs to go away.

Awwww Taylor Swift and Selena Gomez dancing sooo cute.

Mark Anthony has a huge scary vein in his forehead.  Maybe Jennifer left because the vein scared her away.

Also…her ass, is soo much better then him.

Seriously Niki Minaj winning over Lil Wayne….BULLSHIT.

I heart Justin Bieber, even if he is going through that part of puberty where his voice cracks really bad.

I hear Justin and Selena.

GO AWAY NIKI MINAJ.

Also….wear shoes you can walk in.

Seriously, J-Lo's ass….

The Vanilla Ice flashback; BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH Word to your Mutha.

Why do they let Chris Brown on TV?  I am still super mad at him.

I am embarrassed for him listening to him sing song after song about wanting Rhianna back…

DUMBASS.

I am so spoiled…watching this with commercials is just about killing me. 

Enrique Iglesias is soooo cute. I'd like to squish his cheeks.

LUDA!!!!!

I heart Taylor Swift.

Niki Minaj is only winning because Taylor Swift wrote her song (didja know that?).

Oh Katie Perry….you had me until the pink hair.  It's too close to granny pink…not bubble gum pink enough. 

I heart Adam Lambert. 

Okay Katie Perry I take it back…I don't just hate your hair I hate your dress too.

Selena Gomez dress is so pretty and look at her and Justin holding hands SQUEEEEEEEEEEEE.

I so don't understand the Jonas Brothers.

To be continued…..

And I'm back.

But Christina Agulara should go away.

She should take the Moves Like Jagger song with her.

But hottie little Adam can stay.

As long as he never sings that song again.

FOR THE LOVE OF GOD THE COMMERCIALS ARE GOING TO KILL ME.

What kind of shenanigans is the Bachelor trying to pull putting an 80 year old woman on the show?

Also….I hate Christmas music but…ugh, I totally love Justin Biebers song Mistletoe.

Ahahahahaha Mark Anthony isn't even nominated for best Latin artist.  Must be because of the vein.  

And also doesn't he know the world is team J-Lo's ass?

Wait Alanis Morriset still exists?

If you are going to sing about having moves like Jagger YOU SHOULD REALLY LEARN HOW MICK JAGGER DANCES YOU ASS.

Who is that kid sitting in Justin Biebers spot?  Where did my 17 year old boyfriend go?

Oh Gym Class Heros…..Travie, I have plans for you.  Yum-O.

Travie and Adam Levine on stage together….this is too much for my brain to handle.

Why is Drake pretending he is Lil Wayne?

HE IS NOT.

Ahahahahaha look at that white guy dancing behind Niki Minaj…no that doesn't count as dancing. 

Bruno is pretty good but JUSTIN GOT ROBBED.  

Also, whoah Bruno is seriously short!

Will.I.Am I loved your performance.

Adam, take a note from Will.I.Am, if you can't dance like Jagger GET HIM TO DANCE FOR YOU!

Taylor I love you but work on your thank you speeches a little.  

Seriously Lil Wayne won NOTHING?

Taylor why are you thanking Selena right now?  Ahahahahaha you dork.

I don't understand LMFAO at all.  I mean it's catchy but are they just on a mission to see how ridiculous they can be?

Oh God….I just fel that much more in love with Bieber.  Tiger pants AHAHAHAHAHAHAH HE ROCKED IT!

THERE IS A SMILEY FACE ON HIS DICK ABAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Are these the dancers from that Top Dance Crew show?

Omg they are all wearing tiny booty shorts this is just TOOO MUCH!!!!!

 People will get drunk enough at weddings to stumble into the kitchen and announce to the catering staff, “THE ASPARAGUS WAS EXCELLENT AND GUESS WHAT, MY PEE ALREADY SMELLS LIKE ASPARAGUS.”

 They might also stumble into a wall immediately after that.

 There are people who really refuse to drink wine if it isn’t in the right glass.

 People really do want tables set with 5 different glasses at them.

 You will have to wash all of those glasses at the end of the night.

 People will mix up their food and move it around on the plate to make it look eaten so as not to offend the staff when they hate your salad.

 This pisses me off, just say you don’t like it, give it back and let someone else eat it rather then waste the whole thing. Trust me someone in the kitchen is hungry enough to eat that salad.

 Double dipping is deemed proper etiquette now.

 You might have to wash 375 plates if you work at a wedding.

 I’ve been told not to put the cheese knife in the cheese before the guests arrive because then the cheese looks “pierced and gruesome.”

 Customers will smash a cracker on the counter to show you it is too crumbly for their taste and then leave it there for you to clean up. A simple, “I don’t like this cracker will due.”

 Old people drink a lot of wine.

 People get very angry when you run out of beer.

 Even when the alcohol is FREE people will still be assholes about what kind of beer is being served, and will yell at me when it’s gone.

 I can’t believe how often people steal desserts and sneak them out.

 If you ask me to pack up a slice of cake for you to take home please don’t get angry at me when I do so and then hand it to you. If you didn’t want people to know you were taking cake home you should have told me to hide it or something. I CAN’T READ MINDS.

 Kids are people too. Inviting 100 people but only ordering food for 50 really is your own fault. Please don’t yell at me when you run out of food because you didn’t think kids would eat dinner also.

 There is an actual person out there who will steal the ENTIRE hunk of Brie off the cheese platter.

 That asshole might decide they hate Brie and then try and hide the giant hunk of Brie with only one bite taken out of it in a bush at a graduation party.

 People get drunk enough at weddings to dance barefoot on a dance floor even with shattered glass on it

 People get drunk enough at weddings to shatter glass on dance floors.

 Wedding DJ’s thinking they are God’s gift to earth

 Seriously…..I DON’T WANT TO KNOW YOUR PEE SMELLS LIKE ASAPRAGUS

 Ladies over 70 can drink an entire bottle of wine by themselves in a night.

 Sometimes I have no idea if the coffee is decaf or not….but honey I’m gonna tell you it’s whatever you want it to be.

 Old ladies love my husband

 Kids will bite stuff and put it back on the platter

 People will eat stuff kids have bitten and put back on the platter.

 The thing about the asparagus again.

Charlie has allergies.  That is an understatement.  Charlie is allergic to the world.  So far, the one thing we know for sure is that Charlie is allergic to chicken.

This is a problem because everything for dogs contains chicken.  EVERYTHING.  Even the dog food that says "contains no chicken by products," has CHICKEN BROTH as the second ingredient in it. (Please someone explain that to me.)

Anyway what happens is that he starts itching.  Then he starts thumping.  Then you look over and he has his whole foot in his mouth trying to chew a hole in it, and he has a rash on his stomach, and blisters on his balls and DUDE IT IS BAD. 

My vet said the first thing we had to do was put him on a strict diet.  I had to hand over 3 weeks worth of pay for a bag of food that lasted about an hour.  It was predigested soy food and the plan was to let him eat only that for a few weeks then slowly introduce other stuff and find out what else besides chicken he is allergic to (see also: AIR). The plan worked for about an hour. Then, while talking about the plan on the phone with my vet Charlie managed to get into the garage where the litter box is and Hoover as much cat shit as possible.

Commence itching. 

This happens at least once a week.  Somehow he always finds a way in there and immediately starts itching.  I have yet to decide if he's allergic to actual cat shit, or the things the cats eat, or the chicken that is in the cats food that they eat and then shit out.

Oh, hey cat food.  He loves to hunt that down too and can swallow a whole bag of it in about 13 seconds.  That REALLY makes him itch.  He doesn't care.

The vet and I discuss a new plan of putting him on the hypoallergenic food and keeping him AWAY from the cat litter.  But then I find him out in the yard where the chickens were.  Aside from his life long quest to eat just ONE of my chickens he is also on a quest to eat every piece of chicken shit to ever exist.  

CHICKENS SHIT A LOT.

Now I'm not a scientist, but I would assume that if he is allergic to chickens he's probably allergic to their shit too right?

More itching.  

Then, he goes rolling in the grass and makes sure to lube his body up real well in chicken shit.  

You guessed it.  

MORE ITCHING.

By now he's itching so bad that I have to give him a Benadryl.  Lets think about this okay.  I have to put my fingers in his mouth and down his throat.  You know, the mouth that is now full of cat shit and chicken shit.  

Just makes my day.

Also, I use a lot of soap. 

In an effort to keep him out of the chicken shit I got the idea to take him running on my lunch break for exercise.  Guess what.  BIRD SHIT OUTSIDE!  Now I'm no expert but I would think if your allergic to a chicken you are probably allergic to a quail.

So here we are running, I'm grooving to Willie Nelson and the next thing I know my arm is being taken off because my dog has found a spot where the birds perch and do nothing but shit all day. After recovering from nearly eating pavement I drag him away from there and we continue running.  Only some how, he finds more shit on the ground.

This is where Charlies biggest life problem occurs.  Because right at the very moment that he is happily chewing a HUGE MASSIVE piece of bird shit, the UPS man drives down the road.  Since Charlie is afraid of his shadow he of course has to start barking at the UPS truck.  Only, barking causes the shit to fall out of his mouth.  I stopped and watched this happen.  The exact moment his head nearly imploded because he couldn't decided whether he wanted to eat the bird shit or bark at the UPS guy.  He ended up doing this weird combo of half barking and half licking shit as it fell out of his mouth. 

I stood there wanting to puke.

I have no idea what to do.  It seems like all dog food has either chicken or eggs in it.  And I can't be sure, but I'd think if you are allergic to chickens you are probably allergic to eggs.  The entire world is covered in bird shit.  Even when I block him from the litter box he manages to find petrified cat shit outside.  He's also addicted to tissues and paper towels.  

CHARLIE LOVES TISSUE. 

Charlie also loves shoes.  Which makes me think.  With all the cat shit eating, and chicken shit eating, and bird shit eating….that hes probably chewed a decent amount of shit into my shoes.  And when he comes up and licks my arm, it's safe to say he just smeared bird shit on me.  And when he runs up and chugs down the chocolate milk that Brandon left on the table, I just assume he's now swirled cat shit into the milk.

Charlie loves his green monkey

Charlie also loves worms.  He likes cucumbers.  I loves to eat my bras.  He really likes my socks.  My left shoes taste better then my right ones.  He sometimes will eat just plain ole dirt. He likes pistachio shells (SHELLS PEOPLE SHELLS, NOT THE NUT BUT THE SHELL).  He can sniff out my coffee from a mile away.  But mostly, Charlie really really really wants to eat my chickens.

(please mommy can I has just one chickenz)

I have no idea what else he is allergic to because I can't get his system clean enough to try introducing other foods.  But I think, for now I'm just going to say he's allergic to air, and is going to spend his entire life on allergy pills.

My grandma loves to tell me stories.  Since my other grandma passed away before I could get all of her worldly wisdom I always make sure to soak up everything my grandma says to me.  

She told me this story once about how she grew up very poor.  There was this girl in her elementary school who was super rich.  She always had the fanciest dresses.  The prettiest bows in her hair.  The shiniest shoes.  My grandma and her best friend didn't like her.  She was also one of those rich girls that was a snob.  One day my grandma got this great idea to trip the hoity toity girl.  So while snotty mcsnot was walking up to the chalkboard my grandma and her best friend tripped her.

The one thing my grandma remembers the most is that miss fancy pants richy perfect face had HOLES IN HER UNDERWEAR.  Grey holey underwear.  

From that moment on my grandma's motto was, "it is not whats on the outside that counts it's what is underneath that matters."

Today I had to go in and get a steroid injection in my back along with a nerve block.  I dressed comfy and headed off to the doctor.  I expected them to offer me a gown to put on but instead they just put me on the table face down and before I knew it the young MALE assistant was pulling my pants down FULLY EXPOSING MY TUSHY.  I was so embarrassed. My ass is in need of a tan, and OH MY GOD I HAVEN'T SHAVED AND MY PANTS ARE SHORT.  This guy was seeing my leg hair and my tushy.  The doctor came in and suddenly I had both men washing my butt.  

Yes.  Washing my butt.  They had to sterilize it and what not before injecting me.  We began chatting about how bad it would hurt.  I may or may not have shouted FUCK pretty loud and both guys may or may not have giggled at me.  People always wonder how I have ten tattoos but I'm afraid of shots.  But come on this was FOUR needles.  SIX INCH NEEDLES.  He had to go in from my tush, turn it towards the side then using an x-ray machine follow the needle all over until he hit the right spot.  That felt weird.  But not as weird as the moment he went for the nerve block and pretty much said I was going to feel a weird popping pressure feeling when he punctured into the nerve.  

OUCH SHIT FUCK COCK SUCKER THAT HURT.

Then he injected dye into my butt and I got this weird painful, numb, warm tingly feeling going down my leg.  

Then I had to pee.  Perfect timing.  They laughed at me for telling them that.  And giggled some more when I pointed out that we were having a conversation while my ass was propped a foot in the air butt naked.  

Finally they said I was done and the assistant grabbed my pants and undies and pulled them up.  THAT IS WHEN I TOTALLY FREAKED OUT.

I was wearing my old period panties.  My super bright blue, saggy, ugly period panties.

MY GRANNY PANTIES.

Oh the horror.

I mean, the only saving grace is that I didn't have any holes in them.  But they were neon blue, with a lame little rainbow elastic band and about 4 sizes too big.  So big that when the pulled it all up my undies pulled up about two inches out of my pants and I had this weird panty bunch thing going on.

The moral of the story?

YOUR GRANDMA IS ALWAYS RIGHT.  never ever ever go to the doctor without fresh panties, and shaved legs.

Also, send comfort food & pain medication because apparently having a FOUR 20" needles stuck in your back leaves you hurting like a mother fucker.  It makes going from one job straight to a catering job where I had to lift stuff and be on my feet REALLY REALLY PAINFUL.

I called my grandma right after and told her I had my shot.  Then I told her about the forgetting to shave my legs thing and she said, "Oh Shannon, please please tell me you wore fancy panties to the doctors office."

Dammit.  

I will never ever forget my fresh fancy pants, hoity toity, underroos at the doctor again.

I felt it was my duty to pass this wisdom on to you.  Promise me, the next time you go to the doctor you will shave all of the appropriate spots, wear your fanciest panties and put on the fancy good smelling lotion!

Last month our TV broke.  After much shopping we ended up buying a Sony Google TV.  I basically bought it because it had the word GOOGLE in it.  I can surf the web and do other neat stuff on it but I hadn't really figured out anything I loved doing with it.  

But suddenly it hit me.  

MY GOOGLE READER.

That's right y'all I'm sittin back lounging comfy as ever reading your blog in 42".  Now that's the good life.

Where is your favorite spot to read blogs?  In bed?  At work?  At the dinner table?