Things I've learned catering

 People will get drunk enough at weddings to stumble into the kitchen and announce to the catering staff, “THE ASPARAGUS WAS EXCELLENT AND GUESS WHAT, MY PEE ALREADY SMELLS LIKE ASPARAGUS.”

 They might also stumble into a wall immediately after that.

 There are people who really refuse to drink wine if it isn’t in the right glass.

 People really do want tables set with 5 different glasses at them.

 You will have to wash all of those glasses at the end of the night.

 People will mix up their food and move it around on the plate to make it look eaten so as not to offend the staff when they hate your salad.

 This pisses me off, just say you don’t like it, give it back and let someone else eat it rather then waste the whole thing. Trust me someone in the kitchen is hungry enough to eat that salad.

 Double dipping is deemed proper etiquette now.

 You might have to wash 375 plates if you work at a wedding.

 I’ve been told not to put the cheese knife in the cheese before the guests arrive because then the cheese looks “pierced and gruesome.”

 Customers will smash a cracker on the counter to show you it is too crumbly for their taste and then leave it there for you to clean up. A simple, “I don’t like this cracker will due.”

 Old people drink a lot of wine.

 People get very angry when you run out of beer.

 Even when the alcohol is FREE people will still be assholes about what kind of beer is being served, and will yell at me when it’s gone.

 I can’t believe how often people steal desserts and sneak them out.

 If you ask me to pack up a slice of cake for you to take home please don’t get angry at me when I do so and then hand it to you. If you didn’t want people to know you were taking cake home you should have told me to hide it or something. I CAN’T READ MINDS.

 Kids are people too. Inviting 100 people but only ordering food for 50 really is your own fault. Please don’t yell at me when you run out of food because you didn’t think kids would eat dinner also.

 There is an actual person out there who will steal the ENTIRE hunk of Brie off the cheese platter.

 That asshole might decide they hate Brie and then try and hide the giant hunk of Brie with only one bite taken out of it in a bush at a graduation party.

 People get drunk enough at weddings to dance barefoot on a dance floor even with shattered glass on it

 People get drunk enough at weddings to shatter glass on dance floors.

 Wedding DJ’s thinking they are God’s gift to earth


 Ladies over 70 can drink an entire bottle of wine by themselves in a night.

 Sometimes I have no idea if the coffee is decaf or not….but honey I’m gonna tell you it’s whatever you want it to be.

 Old ladies love my husband

 Kids will bite stuff and put it back on the platter

 People will eat stuff kids have bitten and put back on the platter.

 The thing about the asparagus again.

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