I'm going to run off and hide in my little padded room now

Last week while I was cooking dessert for my catering gig while babysitting a dessert called "chocolate decadence" that needed to bake for about eleven hundred hours I decided to do the dishes.  I finished the dishes and the cake was still not done so I decided to put them away.  The very last thing I grabbed was the blade that goes inside the food processor.  

I sliced my pinky finger open.

LIKE WAY OPEN

Like blood dripping all over the kitchen and clean dishes and clean counters.  This is where I should mention that I've never asked my boss where the bandaids were so I was running around with a giant paper towel wrapped around my finger. 

DING.

The cake was done.

This is where I should mention that the cake was one of those things you have to put in a pan, but then put the pan inside a broiler pan full of water to prevent your cake (that was later called exquisite at a party that week) from cracking on top.  So I have my hand wrapped up in a paper towel and my other hand in an oven mitt and I reach in to grab the first pan and the paper toweled hand slips and the next thing I know I've burned my wrist  ON THE OTHER HAND. 

But because that wasn't enough, while I was struggling to get the first pan out of the pan of SCALDING HOT BURNING WATER I burned my finger tips in the water.

Let's recap.

In three minutes I sliced a finger, burned my wrist and burned my finger tips.

Thank god it turned out "exquisite" right?

Two days later I'm sitting at home and my pinky is healing nicely when I notice some dirt on my heavy ass down couch cushion.  I picked it up and went to shake it and to be honest I'm not sure what exactly happened but suddenly the cushion wasn't in my hand anymore and I was bent over trying my hardest not to cry because there was now blood gushing out from UNDER my fingernails.

UNDER THE NAILS.

I had bent them back farther then I knew possible.  It was bad.  I was kind of frozen just thinking.."don't cry, don't cry, don't cry." 

Three days later my fingers are still bruised, sore and the little one starts bleeding if I type too much.

Then today my mom asked me what the bruise on my arm was.  I looked down and I couldn't even answer her.  

(I hate not knowing where a bruise came from)

I laughed about all my owies and said I had no clue.

But tonight in the shower I remembered.  

Last night, walking up the stairs I fell. 

Let's say that again….

I FELL UP THE STAIRS.

My husband laughed at me.  Then looked at me wondering how in the hell I fell up the stairs.  Then when I complained that it really did hurt he laughed more and called me his, "special little girl."  I tried to no avail to show him the scrape (there was a scrape) to prove that I really had gotten hurt.  He didn't believe me.

But today…TODAY!!!! There was a bruise.

So I give up.  I need adult supervision or something.  Or a padded room.  Or….I don't know, but I need to stop.  Because this shit hurts people.  How about you, have any of you had any rad owies lately.  Tell me about them.*

*Unless they involve puss, or things that will make my boobies tingle from reading about your pain…then don't tell me.

12 thoughts on “I'm going to run off and hide in my little padded room now

  1. OUCH! My husband told me once he wanted to wrap me in bubble wrap because I always have some kinda injury or bruise. Those nails… OWIE. 😦 That must hurt! I have a black bruise on one of my toes that I can’t even remember banging. :-\

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  2. The nails look so painful. You have my sympathy.
    I also hurt myself on a regular basis. The last really stupid thing I did was let the storm door scrap the back of my ankle. I think I needed stitches, but now I just have a HUGE THICK scar.

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  3. OMG! I can not imagine how much that hurt…owww, under the nails!
    If it makes you feel better…I fell up the stairs at TMCC in front of 3 guys. I blamed my flip-flops

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  4. Damn girl! Ow ):
    In the 7th grade, I had a big crush on a cute 8th grade boy. Said boy invited me to after-school shindig. Said boy then watched me trip on my flip-flop/a pebble, and then with a broken foot on crutches at school the next day…awesome! Lol

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  5. That looks so painful!!! I sliced my finger open last year too and guess what, I went to the express care HAHA. My husband thought it was so funny that I needed to go see a doctor for that. Geez, what an expensive bandage I had!

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