A few months ago when I declared that I was cutting a bunch of stuff out of my diet I assumed it would last a few days and then I would give in and discover I can't live without all things made of gluten.  I was wrong.  Cutting gluten out of my life turned out to be a game changer.  But the best game changer at all was discovering Digestive Enzyme pills and papaya extract pills.  After having my gallbladder out I could no longer eat peaches, avocados, plums or anything with a pit without spending a day or two doubled over in pain hating myself.  Of course since I'm an avocado whore I've spent a long time hurting….because I just don't learn.  

Here is the strange thing.  I lost about twelve pounds.  But after that my weight just kind of stabilized, the strange part? My stomach got flatter.  I have been really confused.  Imagine waking up, looking down, swearing you lost weight only to get on the scale and see you haven't lost a pound, or maybe even gained a pound.  It really fucks with your head.  I started thinking maybe I was just going crazy and I didn't really look different that I was just imagining it.  But then people started noticing.  I couldn't figure it out.  Getting smaller without losing weight doesn't compute in my mind.  But then I figured it out.  It was the gluten.  How did I figure it out?  I was working late one night and went on a bender slicing bread and ate about 3 slices of a baguette.  The next day I decided I just couldn't live without a slice of sourdough toast.  The next morning I woke up and could barely button my pants that two days ago were falling off.  I ran to the scale…no change.

I almost wanted to cry from confusion.  But then the realization hit that something in the gluten is making me…well, puff up.  It's not water weight like I get when I eat too much salt it is just…puffiness.  I don't understand it.  It's driving me insane but then when I go three days with no gluten suddenly my stomach is flat like I never had a kid.  

You have no idea how badly this is messing with my head.  I haven't had gluten since the bread Saturday, I woke up this morning to baggy pants again.

The worst of all, is that I bought new pants a couple weeks ago, they fit me perfectly.  Like, OMG those are the greatest jeans ever and no jean will ever fit this good again.  But then three days later….THEY WERE FALLING OFF.  No weight loss…just this whole gluten thing.  I was livid.  I didn't want to go down a size because I couldn't believe this was really the problem.  But sure enough the next time I slipped up thinking I could eat some soy sauce the following morning my pants fit again.  I'm getting whiplash from this.

Luckily I don't miss gluten as much as I thought.  I've been roasting spaghetti squash and shredding it into noodles anytime I want pasta.  I've been roasting Portobello mushrooms anytime I want bread.  I've been using nut crackers when I need some texture.  I still haven't went back to milk, I'm only drinking almond and coconut milk and managed to find a vegan, gluten free supplement to put in my smoothies in the morning that provides me some protein and iron.  I'm doing better then I expected.  I rarely drink coffee and when I do I don't use creamer anymore because it says it's non dairy, but if it's not dairy WHAT IS IT????  I still go grab a Starbucks here and there because I know they use real milk and not…"non dairy wtf is this stuff."  

On the upside my fancy new pills made it so I can eat stone fruits again (avocado, plums, etc) so I've been eating a lot of avocado and almond milk and strawberry smoothies for breakfast.  I was really having a hard time after I gave up eggs, but avocado is working nicely as a breakfast.

But can someone please please explain to me this puffy thing?  Because I really just don't understand it.  How can I wake up a size and a half smaller (or bigger) and have zero weight change????  It is just mind boggling.  

Please dumb this down for me…because it is driving me bonkers. 

By the way, I'm aware this is the most boring post ever but I'm really hoping somewhere out there can explain this to me.