You guys remember a while ago I was having trouble…a lot of trouble. Y'all suggested bubble wrap. Perhaps a padded room.
I didn't listen.
Because a couple weeks ago when I just woke up and my finger was swollen, wouldn't bend and was in pain for 6 weeks.
Then there was the little mishap where I nearly sliced off all of my fingernails.
Which was immediately followed by me slicing off the tip of my pinky.
But since I wasn't being stupid enough I thought I would use my pinky finger to poke a hole in puff pastry that had "puffed up" and blasted my entire pinky with scalding hot steam thus burning my entire right pinky even managing to burn up under the fingernail. Note to self: Puff pastry puffs up DON'T POKE IT WITH YOUR FINGER YOU ASSHOLE.
Then I woke up and my left hand was swollen and hurting above the thumb. Any time I touched it there was pain. All I did was GO TO SLEEP. What am I doing to myself in my sleep?????
Then today I was just trying to walk home and somehow managed to eat shit and fall. Not just a little fall, but a big full blown drop every thing in my hands, scrape my hand, crash into my knee and scrape it through the my jeans and now it's all bruised and painful.
I. DON'T. GET. IT.
I didn't do anything, I didn't trip, I didn't stumble. I just fell, like a knucklehead.
The request for bubble wrap still stands!
On top of it all I am low on vitamin B-12 which means I had to get a shot in my ass today also. Add in that I'm so anemic my hair is falling out and I am just a huge hot mess.
Forget the bubble wrap. Send me wine, a bubble bath, chocolate and some alone time.
But at least I'm not my husband…he came home from the gym saying he hurt his ass. I've had a fun week watching him limp around holding his butt telling me his butt hurts. I mean….at least I didn't break my ass right?