Seven year old boys will be the death of me

I should start this off by saying that when I started typing this I actually couldn't remember how old my son was.  It started out with me saying, "man seven is hard."  But then I thought, "wait, he isn't seven, seven is so hold, he must be more like five, but Codi is turning five so he can't be five, his pants are a size eight but I don't think he is eight yet is he? No he must be seven, but seven seems old enough to be graduating high school and surely I would have noticed if seven years passed by now right?"  Finally I gave in and used the calculator.  Brandon is seven.  I think. 

You guys seven is going to kill me.  Seven year old boys have an attitude that can rival any sixteen year old girl on her period.  Brandon has learned to back talk like no ones business.  Sometimes he will say something that will stop me in my tracks because I don't know if I should laugh at the smart aleck remark or punish him.  I can't tell you how many times my husband has had to turn away so Brandon wouldn't see him laugh at how bad I just got shut down. 

Seven and I are not getting along.  This child makes me want to pull my hair out.  He ARGUES. OVER. EVERYTHING. He will argue about the sky being blue or water being wet if he had the chance.

Not to mention apparently seven is the age where he now has to try clothes on before I can buy them.  No longer can I just go purchase clothing in the size of his age.  Nope. Now we have to try it all on.  He has to try out all of the buttons to make sure they work.  Some are too short, too long, too tight, too baggy.  Some just "feel weird."  Some have pockets in the wrong spot.  Also seven is the last age they put adjustable waist in the pants (technically a size 8 but he has now moved into the size 10 range of height) which means I have to hunt down pants that are long enough but skinny enough and OMFG they are jeans, he is a boy IT SHOULDN'T BE THIS HARD.  

Seven is also the age where shoes only fit for about a week before your kids foot grows thirteen sizes and he needs all new shoes and not just any shoes, but play shoes, PE shoes, winter shoes, flip flops, slippers (and okay maybe all the shoes are my fault since I didn't have a girl and shoes are the only cute things I can buy for boys but still).  Seven is also the age where they stop treating their shoes all nice and instead shred them up to an unrecognizable pulp making it so they can't be passed down to his little brother.  This means that when Codi reaches size eleven I will no longer have any shoes to pass down to him.  Brandon is currently in a 2-2.5.  Two more shoe sizes and he and I will have the same size foot.

Did I mention he only has about 9 more inches until he is as tall as me.  Not cool people.  How on earth am I supposed to put a kid in time out when I am looking up at him?  Don't even get me started on trying to carry a sleeping 64 pound seven year old to bed up ten stairs.  It's pathetic.  I tried once a few weeks ago.  I nearly dropped him.  He was slipping out of my arms, feet dragging on the ground and it took me about three minutes to get up two steps.  My husband finally walked out when I was on the last step and just laughed at me because I looked like I had just run a marathon when all I had done was carry a seven year old giant up 9 stairs.  He is no longer allowed to fall asleep anywhere but his own bed or he is going to stay where he falls asleep.  

Seven is also the age where boys turn into some sort of human garbage disposal.  Brandon is always hungry.  He eats well too.  We make him eggs and bacon and toast for breakfast (other things too but always complete meals), I pack him at least four snacks for school and a lunch big enough to feed two kids.  Every day I pick him up and the first thing he says is, "I'M HUNGRY."  If he is out of school he will eat lunch at work with me and then twenty minutes later declare himself starting and somehow woo my mom into buying him a second lunch.  I've had to start more then doubling the portions I cook for dinner because he now eats a portion equivalent to my husbands plate size and then an hour later will declare himself hungry again.  I don't know what to do with this.  I can't keep enough food in the house.  I try and buy all healthy snack, and avoid red 40, and high fructose corn syrup which just means I already spend an unreasonable amount of money on food but when my seven year old starts eating like he has a twin living inside his stomach, well hell  I'm going to have to get a third job.  

Y'all, everyone warns you about the terrible twos.  People mention the awful threes, but NO ONE prepares you for SEVEN YEAR OLD BOY!  

Consider yourself warned.

2 thoughts on “Seven year old boys will be the death of me

  1. My mother still has absolutely no idea how old I am or what day my birthday is on. She hasn’t known either for certain since I was 14, but I am fairly certain she lost track of it many years before that.
    She always would either climb up a few steps on the stairs to yell at my older brother who was taller than her, or use a step stool.
    He also never stopped eating all the things, and he is 33 now.


  2. 7 is the age the growth and hormone spurts start. All of a sudden he will stop eating. You will then spend 2 weeks trying to tempt him with food. Then the testosterone will surge, he will grunt conversation, shoot up 2 inches and be hungry again. They never, ever, ever warn you about boys. It’s some conspiracy to make you feel smug that you don’t have to deal with girls and puberty.


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