In which I demand a maternity test

The other day my husband came to the bottom of the stairs and yelled, 

"Brandon, what did you do to the toilet paper?"

Brandon obviously replied nothing.  My husband pushed farther, 

"Why is it wet then? Where did you drop it?"

Brandon continued to play dumb.  I wandered off thinking Brandon had somehow dropped the roll of toilet paper into the toilet then put it back on the little holder thingy all wet. 

I forgot all about it until much later I heard a discussion about not spraying stuff and that stuff not being safe.  Intrigued I asked my husband what on earth they were talking about.  That is when he explained that Brandon decided he wanted his butt to be extra clean after going poop so he sprayed the entire roll of toilet paper with Lysol.  He soaked the whole thing with Lysol so his butt would be clean. 

Ladies and gentlemen, my child sprayed Vanilla Lysol all over the toilet paper and then wiped his ass with it.

I want a maternity test.

One thought on “In which I demand a maternity test

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