So.  I got myself a new purse about two weeks ago.  I knew that with Little League starting I would need a bigger purse because I stuff snacks, and clothes, and other random things like a 5 year olds "cup" when he doesn't wanna wear it inside my bag. 

Here is my new bag, it's a SakRoots bag and I just love the shit out of this purse. 

When I first picked up this purse it was all, "Hey look at me, I have pockets all over me, and inside pockets, and my handle drop length is soooo sexy." Obviously I had to buy the smooth talking little sucker after all that. 

Let's look inside shall we.

To start off, the first one of you who comments on my lip gloss problem is getting bonked in the head. Missing from the photo is my beloved iPhone which I obviously had to use to take the pictures.

We have:

Keys to my moms house, my office, my grandmas house, and a good friends house.

Gum.

Two pill boxes.  One for vitamins and iron pills, and one for the good pills.

KCCO stickers because you never know when you need to tell slap a Chive on sticker on something to tell people to calm the fuck down.

A change purse.

Tattoo business cards from my tattoo artist because I brag about him often.  

A sticker from the tattoo shop that they gave me because it was Raiders colors.

A match book they gave me, that I keep always.

Two Easter toys a lady at the gym gave me.  I have yet to give them to my kids.

Pens & Sharpies.  I HATE using black ink, and I HATE using other peoples pens.  I need my pen with it's fine tip and bright colors.  Plus you can always always use a sharpie.

A lock for my gym locker.

A plastic spoon because my son always loses his yogurt spoon. 

A case for my glasses because after 10 years of wearing them I figure a case might help me to NOT scratch them beyond repair when I throw them in my purse. 

My car keys, house keys, work keys, and strange key chains.

6 Varieties of lip gloss.  Yet to find one I love.

My beloved apple Chapstick.  I love that shit.

Two checkbooks, a work one and a personal one.

A notebook, because I'm always writing shit down.

Apple hand cream that smells like fresh cut apples.

The cutest little tissue holder.

My brand new handgun.

My wallet (let's not open that because zomg mess)

Headphones for the gym

Two small bags

What is in those two bags? Why don't we look.

Toothbrush and toothpaste, because seriously I'm weird about my teeth. I just ran out of floss and I'm deeply saddened by this.

Deodorant for emergencies.  Emergencies are usually something like, shit I went to the spa and now I want to go to dinner but I forgot to pack stuff, good thing I have deodorant in my purse.

Another chapstick.  SHUT UP

A lemon smelly perfume stick that I NEVER use but will NOT take out of my purse.

Childrens Tylenol.

Benadryl for Brandons peanut allergy.

Epi pen to save my sons life, (if I don't inject it into my own thumb instead)

How about bag number two.

Again with the lip gloss. Okay so these are actually the two that I love.  The first is MAC Purrr which they discontinued so I ration this and only use it on very very special occasions.  Special occasions include: wooing a waiter for free drinks, wooing the guy selling me something at the Apple store for free stuff….and just wooing men to get what I want in general.  The other one is Philosophy S'mores.  I have trouble finding it so I ration the shit out of it.

More pens.  Yes.  I have this many pens in my purse, but honestly I'm a real jerk about pens.  I only have the black pen in there on the off chance I have to sign something official, like a drivers license or something that has to be signed in black in.  That usually pisses me off.  Black ink pisses me off.  People who require black ink are all assholes!

A second tube of apple Chapstick.  I got this stuff at Blogher in 2011 and fell in love.  I could not find it for another year.  I rationed that tube forever.  I now have one in two places in my purse, my desk, my coffee table, a kitchen drawer, my car, my night stand….you get the point. I like apple shit and I love this Chapstick.

More gum.  I don't like this flavor as much but sometimes I'm not feeling minty so I grab this.

A lighter.  I use this thing all the time.  Catering, or candles or sterilizing something.  This little lighter has been with me for a long time.

And finally a Tide pen.  That I have never, not one single time used.  I keep it in case though.  I haven't used it not because I don't get stains, because y'all I am a walking stain, I haven't used it because not once have I remembered I had it in my purse. Normally I just spill spaghetti sauce down my shirt, look down and think, "aww hell not again."  I'm so used to it by now that treating the stain NEVER crosses my mind.

My wallet is a whole other issue.  I'm sorry but I am just not opening that up today because if I took anything out of it I'm not even sure I could get it all back in there.  I've had that wallet for about three years now and I just love it.  It's Lucky Brand and it's just so pretty.  You can clearly tell I like bags also. I have many small bags. At trinket/gift shops I cannot resist two things, tiny bags and notebooks.  Someday I will show you my notebook collection.  But maybe not, because if I did you guys would probably hang up fliers around the US banning people from selling to me anymore.  I clearly have a lip gloss problem also.  But hey, it gets me free stuff and it gets me many many kisses from my husband.  I maybe have a pen problem too but…well I don't have an excuse for that.  

Your turn, what's in your purse?