My dog is obsessed with these chewy things called bully sticks. One day at a local farmers market I saw some fresh made bully sticks and stopped to buy one. My asshole friend decided to ask me if I knew what they were.
Asshole friend: Do you even know what those are?
Shannon: Beef skin rolled up?
AF: No, those are cow dicks
Shannon: **blank look**
Shannon: But…but this is a 14" bully stick…are you telling me, 14 inches…like…a bull dick are you sure?
Salesman: You didn't know that? That is why there is different sizes.
Shannon: So I'm sorry but..you killed this cow, made some steak, made some hamburger, then cut off his dick and stuck in in the beef jerky machine and labeled it a dog treat?
Salesman: Yeah pretty much
Shannon: BUT IT'S FOURTEEN INCHES LONG WHAT THE FUCK
Salesman: Yeah cows are lucky
I bought the bully stick and my dog obviously loved it. I've since found them at Costco and it's hilarious because under ingredients they list, "bull pizzle." I laugh so hard every time I read that.
Anyway said dog is currently chewing on a 12" bull penis and you guys my house smells so bad. When they start chewing on these things they smell. My house smells like a mix of rotting bodies, shit, and death. I keep throwing the stupid bone outside and the asshole dog keeps bringing it back inside. I just tried to eat a snack and he brought the damn bone back in right below me, y'all I nearly puked when I smelled it. I can't imagine what is going through my dogs head that he is enjoying this thing. He will not put it down for anything. He thinks this chewy is the greatest thing ever. Dogs have a very good sense of smell, are you telling me this fucker thinks chewed up, dried up beef dick smells good?
But wait there is more. I got my first Ipsy bag today, that came with a roller ball perfume. I opened it up and went to test it on myself. Only problem is, it was hot, so when I touched it to my skin perfume gushed out and leaked ALL OVER ME. So I'm now immersed in Gardenia smelling perfume that is so strong it's making me wanna vomit. Combine that with the rotting dead people smell and I need a shot or two of tequila if I'm going to get through this day.