The stomach issues persist.  I finally got into the new doctor and surprise surprise she restricted my eating even more.  Not because of weight issues, but because it takes over three days for my food to digest she doesn't want me eating things like apples, or carrot sticks, or fruit that hasn't been mashed or blended. The reason behind it is that if an apple sits in my body for over 3 days it will ferment like wine and cause tons of gas and swelling.  So I've just gotten myself used to eating my guacamole and hummus with carrot sticks instead of chips or pretzels and she has taken those away.  On top of that she has taken away, hummus and black beans.  

She wants to put me on a medicine soon to help my small intestine kill the bacteria that shouldn't be there but first they want to do a five hour X-ray test to see how long it takes me to digest food.  This is driving me insane.  

I spent the last four days in California at Six Flags.  I did pretty well with my eating. I packed protein shakes.  I had oatmeal for breakfast or cereal.  For lunch we had Subway and one day we had pizza.  For dinner when we went out I ordered soup, salad, roasted veggies and mashed potatoes.  The potatoes tasted rotten.  The veggies were cold and undercooked.  The soup had chickpeas in it, which I didn't notice until I left.  I spent last night in the hotel in the most devastating pain.  One, from the veggies being mostly raw my stomach couldn't break them down, but two from the chickpeas which she says will cause instant gas and pain.

Lets recap food I cannot eat for various reasons:

Seeds (flax, sesame, sunflower)

Nuts (basically all, including hazelnut, almonds, cashews, peanuts, etc)

Barley

Soy (no tofu, or edamame)

Black beans

Chickpeas

Hummus

Raw fruit that hasn't been blended or cooked

Raw veggies that haven't been cooked until totally soft and mushy.

Hard cheese

Anything high in fiber

Now add in the things I don't eat

Meat

Fish

Shellfish

Eggs

Cheese with rennet or mold

What exactly does this leave me?

I'm trying to watch my weight so pasta and potatoes are not something I can eat often because of the calories and carbs.  Plus a lot of pasta has barley.  Oatmeal is high in fiber which is bad for my digestion. Since I'm trying to work out I still need to get adequate fat and protein.  I try eating avocado but it's no fun just eating it with a fork and without my carrot sticks.  I make a protein shake daily and blend fruit into it, but I don't know what to do now that I'm not supposed to eat my apple a day.  I can only eat so much quinoa.

Once again we've come back to the fact that potato chips are totally safe and why should I even diet anymore.

Then lets discuss the gym.  After spending nearly five months working out 3-4 times a week a trainer finally sat me down and told me I was doing all the wrong stuff. Running, biking and weights are great, but all they will do is build muscle under my fat and make me look bigger then when I started.  So starting this week I have to embrace  whole new style of workout called plyometrics.  I'm frustrated for two reasons.  One reason is, it will feel like starting over, I will be awful at it and possibly feel like giving up or like I'm not good enough, the same way it was when I started this with gym Barbie.  The second issue is that if the first trainer I consulted had handled me right and taken the time to give me a real plan and tell me what I really needed to be doing I could have been halfway to my goal.  I'm sad.  I feel so set back and I go back and forth between thinking why bother starting over and thinking that I am strong enough to start over and what's another five months of my life.  

All of this is discouraging.  There are days I wake up with a flat stomach and I feel like I am making progress. Then there are days like today where I ate something wrong unintentionally and now I'm bloated and my stomach is pooching out like I had a baby two weeks ago.  I hate everything about myself today.  I'm sick of this. I wish I could just get the food thing down, I wish the doctors could just give me a set food list that won't change in a month or a week. I wish that I wouldn't get used to eating one way and have the doctors change it.  I wish that I wouldn't have put so much time into the gym just to find out I've been working out all wrong for my body and gender.  My workouts are designed for men.  The stuff I should be doing is designed to melt all of the fat off AND THEN I can work on muscle.

On top of all this about six months my blood work revealed my cholesterol was high.  My good cholesterol is very good but my bad cholesterol was worrisome.  The doctor demanded I go on a pill but I said no.  I asked for six months to exercise and change my diet.  I changed my diet, I worked out consistently and diligently.  Every work out was almost always well over an hour.  I went in for new blood work and my cholesterol had risen.  I was so depressed.  The doctor said more then likely this is genetic and that I'm fucked for life.  She pushed the pill on me again but I spoke to a homeopathic doctor first and she put me on a cocktail of:

COQ10 with red yeast rice and niacin

Vegetarian DHEA

B12 stress relief

Spirellina Powder

I have to take this daily plus an allergy pill because I had to stop getting my weekly allergy injections since I was missing so much work.

I'm a mess you guys.  I'm going through so much of a funk without all of this, that this sometimes feels crushing.  No one can really empathize with this.  Most people can eat anything they want.  Most people don't have these kinds of restrictions and a large portion of people I'm surrounded by are already athletic or thinner then me.  I'm feeling defeated right now.  School starts up next week, baseball comes back and when will I have time to work out.  What is going to keep me motivated? What happens if I spend another five months doing a new work out and I find out this was wrong too?

I just want to be fixed. I want to be healthy. I want to eat without questioning every single food I put in my mouth.  I want cooking to be fun again and not frustrating because so many foods are taboo.  I hate cooking.  I used to love it and now I despise it.  

I just want to be like a normal average person.

Why me.