Sometimes I just have to walk away from this blog.  Which is hard because what I would love more then anything is to come here and just spend twenty minutes unloading my brain in an open and honest blog. That is impossible when the people you know in real life read your stories though.  I have a bad habit of reaching a breaking point and just spending thirty seconds unloading every single thought in my head and then four seconds later regretting 90% of them because they will either cause a shit storm of a response or people will thing I'm insane.

I hate this time of year.  Let's just get this out of the way now.  I hate Christmas.  A lot. I loathe Christmas carols. I hate Christmas shopping.  I hate the planned dinners and the exchanging of gifts.  I don't like that this holiday has become about money and presents and not love.  I don't mind shopping for the kids, but shopping for adults and friends stresses me out beyond belief.  I change the channel the second a Christmas song comes on.  I basically dislike every holiday from September up until Easter.  I enjoy buying "just because" gifts all year long. I do not enjoy buying Valentines gifts, or Mothers day gifts, etc because it's not a surprise, it's expected. It's forced.  I don't like receiving them either.  But "just because" gifts, I love that shit

Easter is beautiful it smells like fresh cut grass and happiness.  I love Easter.  That is usually right around the time I come out of this cloud of doom where every day is a challenge.  I don't like winter. I hate the snow.  I hate the cold.  I do not like wet feet.  I'm miserable until the sun comes back.

I try everything in my power to self sabotage during this season.  I push everyone away, I overeat, I don't take care of myself.  This is the first year in probably ten years I've stuck with the gym during the winter and it is seriously only because I have this amazing trainer who rides so many miles to work every day just to train his clients that I think if he can do that I can get my lazy ass up off my couch and go to the gym.

I stop cooking during the winter.  Or I cook but I don't cook my amazing gourmet meals.  I just lose the love, and love is a huge ingredient in my cooking.

I want to be better at blogging. I'm trying.  I'm throwing myself into the gym as hard as I can because it's the healthiest way to push myself right now. I'm trying so hard to keep up the appearance that I'm normal and functioning for my kids this time around.  It feels like I have moments of thinking I'm handling this all so well and then moments where the whole world is looking at me like I'm failing. 

I'm not giving up though.  I can beat this shit. Let's start a count down to spring.

The most NOPE I've ever seen.  This is NOT what Anastasia looks like.  This is not what Christian looks like. Ana did not have bangs or stupid ugly red lipstick.  Nope nope nope.  The people the cast as supporting actors are all wrong.  I'm sad.  They have destroyed this movie for me.  Maybe one day when it's on Netflix and I've watched every possible episode of Sons of Anarchy will I think of watching this. 

Fail.

Dinner tonight can be found here

Brandon turned eight in August.  He weighs about 76 pounds.  He is approximately ten feet tall (as judged by my very scientific mom eye).  The law in Nevada says that kids have to be in a booster seat until they are six years old or sixty pounds.  However, the RECOMMENDED limit is eight or eighty pounds. I've kept Brandon in a booster seat until two weeks ago.

You guys seriously, this has made me the least cool mom on the planet.  Not just with my child but with other parents. You cannot believe how many parents have been annoyed when I told them if they wanted to drive my kid somewhere he needed a booster seat.  Not to mention the fights that have happened when their kid wants to sit in the back seat and they ask Brandon to sit up front and he replies, "no I'm not allowed to sit up front until I am twelve."  Because you know, that is an actual real live law here.  This poses a few problems.  First being that parents who don't keep their (much much smaller kids) in a booster seat automatically feel awkward in front of me because I do, as if they think I am judging them (I am). Second is that when other kids ride in my car and their parents tell me they do not need a booster seat this A: Makes me feel uncomfortable and B: Leads that other asshole kid to make fun of my kid for being in a booster seat.

I don't understand any of this.  It's a safety thing.  Booster seats aren't difficult.  They don't take up any space in your car.  They don't require you to buckle them in (at this point Brandon was out of the 5-point harness, and into the kind that uses the seatbelt). I don't understand why parents would not use something that is proven to be safer for your child.  Especially the children who might be eight years old but who are smaller then my six year old. 

I resisted letting Brandon out of his booster seat until I spoke to his pediatrician about it.  I actually made an appointment and went in there.  He was impressed.  He measured Brandon, and told me where the seat belt needs to fit for him to safely ride without a booster seat and then he gave me the seal of approval to remove Brandon from his booster.  I still waited another week.

I don't care how uncool that seat was, I think it's way cooler then being dead right?

Moving onto Codi.  Codi turned six in November.  He weighs about forty pounds.  He is maybe three feet tall.  Legally I could take him out of the booster seat because he is six.  I refuse to take him out because he is not sixty pounds.  He is still in a 5-point harness type seat.  All of his little kindergarten six year old friends have of course already come out of their 5-point harness AND their booster seat.  Again, I have become the uncool mom who makes her child ride in a safety seat. I did not take Brandon out of his 5-point harness until I think second grade.  I told Codi that until he is sixty pounds I won't even entertain the option.  I also explained why.  He was actually totally okay with it.  Codi is small.  I don't care what age he is, he weighs nothing and is as tall as a preschooler, why on earth would I take him out of something made to protect him? 

This has been very frustrating.  I watch kids smaller then Codi get into cars without even having a booster seat and I cringe.  Then I realize that I'm in the minority though and I just shut my mouth.  Tell me, when did you move your kids from a 5-point harness, and then when did you eliminate all booster seats all together?  Am I alone in wanting my kids to be as safe as possible or are their other parents out there who care about this?  I am feeling really lame and lonely in this car seat crusade.