When I woke up the morning after surgery and saw that I was seven pounds heavier I almost fell apart. I actually started crying. You see, the day before surgery I weighed 164 pounds. My current goal is 160 pounds. I'm taking it in five pound goals lately. The day I checked into the hospital I weighed 162 but that was because I had to fast and drink a gallon of laxative before the surgery. The following morning after spending just about five hours in the hospital I woke up weighing 169. The logical part of me should have only considered this a five pound gain since rationally I had only weighed 162 from the fasting and the laxative but the irrational part of me considered this a seven pound gain. I had been stuck in the 170's for months. Close to three months. It was bad. It wasn't that I hit a plateau, because I was still losing body fat and inches, it was just that the muscle and the fat were counter balancing each other. Getting out of the 170's had been my goal for three months. THREE. All I wanted was to step on the scale and see a ONE and a SIX as the first numbers for once. When I finally hit 169 I was so thrilled. It was like the kick start I needed and before I knew it I was 164. I worked hard for that. Six day a week trips to the gym, meal tracking, saying no to sweets. It took a lot.
I went to the store at 168 and saw they had the Cadbury mini eggs for sale. If you've read this blog for any amount of time you would know that I love those eggs. Those eggs are my kryptonite. Those eggs are probably the best food ever created ever in the whole world. The mini bags were on sale buy two get one free. I bought twelve. On every other diet I've always just said fuck it and eaten the eggs. This time I brought them home and put them in the freezer. I went round and round with goals. Should I eat them if I get to 165? No. I decided if I got myself to 160 I would be allowed to have one mini bag of eggs. I trudged on from 168 to 167 and then 165 and finally 164. I was so close I could taste it. Then the surgery happened and I woke up feeling so lost.
The doctor couldn't exactly explain were the seven pounds came from and I didn't like that. Combined with the fact that I can't go to the gym for a while i was feeling really sorry for myself. I'll be honest there has been a lot of tears in my house since the surgery. I am swollen, so swollen and my weight was so close to having a ONE SEVEN in front of it that I panicked. I immediately went back to protein shakes and watching my calories. But by day two I wanted some pizza. I'll admit it, I needed some pizza. So I ate two slices of pizza. Then I woke up and I had only lost one pound. I panicked again. I struggled with being very strict on my calories, or doing what my trainer said and eating a lot of calories to help my body recover. In the end I followed his advice and I just ate normally. I had some pizza, I had some fat free pudding, I had one cookie. This morning I woke up and I weighed 165. I am relieved. I also realized this morning that aiming to weigh 162 again isn't a good plan since I only got there with a gallon of laxative. Tomorrow I go back to work and I'm going to go back to my scheduled eating and meal planning. I'm still very swollen which is irritating but at least the weight didn't stay on.
I cannot wait to get back to the gym. I never thought I would miss it, but I miss the gym so bad it's not even funny. I'm dying to do some calf raises, and biceps, and God I would kill to do the stairmaster. My trainer is riding my ass about taking my time and I'm trying to. I am hoping that as long as I keep my weight in check I will not have a full melt down about missing so much gym time.
This has all been very hard for me. Learning a new way of life, a healthy way of life and making it a habit was hard enough. Having surgery in the middle of that and having to stray from this new way of life was even harder. I'm hoping that I seamlessly fall back into my schedule of eating and my six day a week work outs and that eventually it will be like nothing ever happened and I'm back to normal.
Wish me luck!