Things I've learned while on crutches

In a gung ho moment of fitness this past weekend I took my husband on an eight mile hike up the side of a mountain.  On the way down I surpassed gung ho and went supernatural fitness geek and tried to run down the fucking mountain.  I made it about a mile before I hit a soft spot, my ankle rolled past a 90 degree angle and I crashed harder then a Windows Computer.  My husband said he was looking down, then looked up and only saw a giant cloud of dust from where I crashed.

This is it now…strangely bruised.

This is it right after…something doesn't look right.


The doctor gave me crutches and an air cast. Here is what I've learned so far:

*People take crutches very seriously.  If the hospital gives them to you, everyone gets very mad if you don't use them. 

*Do not ever for any reason wear a strapless dress with crutches.  Your dress will fall down, and you will flash your office, and every parent at your childs swimming lessons.  The creepy old dude will stair at your bra and smile.

*You can only wear certain watches with crutches.  Otherwise the watch will cut off the circulation to your hand, it will go numb, and you won't be able to hold the fucking crutch.

*Crutches, plus the wet floor surrounding the swimming pool is a disaster. You will fall.

*My armpits hurt.  Like way worse then any exercise I've done at the gym. Ouch.

*People will get very offended if you try and say you are going to the gym to do squats….while still in an air cast.

*I can do a single leg plank.  Weeeee look at me.

*Everyone at the gym will ask you stupid questions, "Did you finally crash doing box jumps?", "Did your trainer finally push you too hard?", or "Did you dance too hard at 4th of July."

*I pee a lot.  I know this now because I have to use my crutches every time I want to pee at work or I get yelled at.

*I apparently find injuries cool. I've never really had a fitness related injury and I'm just obsessed with it.  I like to check the bruising often.  I've posted tons of photos of my bruise on social media just to keep everyone up to date with it.  I told the nurse at Urgent Care that it was just the coolest thing I had seen in forever because every side of ankle was bruised.  I keep telling people, you can't get injured sitting on the couch. Having a fitness related injury is probably the most exciting thing that has happened to me all year.

*I'm addicted to the gym.  I'm freaking out not working out.  I'm totally losing my head not doing squats. I cannot handle not doing calf raises, and I am just itching to get on the leg press machine. When did this happen? When did I become codependant on the gym?

*You can't carry coffee with crutches.

Check it out this morning…rad huh

3 thoughts on “Things I've learned while on crutches

  1. Millennial Crutches are very comfortable . I used them . They are using spring assist technology which helps patients to maintain right posture throughout their movement in the day


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