About ten days ago I was sitting at my desk and noticed one of my least favorite things. A chin hair. Throughout the day I noticed that I just kept touching it more and more. It was barely visible, but I knew it was there. We used to have tweezers at work for emergency situations like this, but someone took them home with them one weekend and they never came back. I emailed my best friend to tell her that I had decided after 32 years to maybe invest in a nice pair of tweezers for myself. I have some at home, I actually have some in my car, but both pairs are just the cheap kind you grab standing in line in a CVS one day as kind of an afterthought. This time I wanted nice ones. They needed to be cute. I emailed about how I was looking at tweezers online while stroking this one chin hair, and how I imagined myself looking like an evil movie villain stroking their beard, plotting to take over the world and saying muahahahaha whilst doing so. You know, an evil villain with hot pink tweezers.
While writing this I found the actual email I sent….it must be so fun to be my friend and receive emails like this from me:
I ordered the tweezers linked below.
Just look at them. Aren't they beautiful? Hot pink, and sharp, and just, so grown up for my first official tweezer purchase. I was stunned when THAT night I got shipping notification that I would receive my tweezers in the morning. Which I did. Less then 24 hours after hitting Buy Now, the pretty pink tweezers were in my possession.
Only thing is, I had already gone home and plucked out the offending chin hair, since I anticipated a few days wait time. Now I had the tweezers and nothing to tweeze. I added them to the newly created "girly things" bag inside my purse. This bag contains, mascara, an eyelash curler and a blush stick. I've never worn these items in my life, but recently learned how, and decided that I should always have them on hand in case I ever have an emergency situation occur when I would need mascara. If anyone knows what an emergency requiring mascara is, let me know, I'm still waiting. But I'm prepared for it. I am now fully prepared to tweeze any wayward chin hairs also. I did use the mascara once when I was having a kind of shitty day at work, and not feeling super pretty. I went in curled, and applied a coat and it totally lifted my spirits. Weird. I've yet to use my emergency blush.
Since I don't pluck my eyebrows because I've never been taught how to and the one time I tried was BAAAAD, I really have no use for these tweezers besides chin hairs. So if you are following along, yes I spent $18.00 on tweezers to pluck one or two chin hairs a month. It made sense at the time.
Now for the actual point of this story. I have one I promise.
Thursday the kids were at work with me since they are on fall break and Codi comes strolling into my office and tells me, "Brandon kicked the cactus over." There is a whole story behind this cactus but the point is, for some reason that week, we acquired a potted cactus outside of our office where my kids play. All I'm thinking is, "shit, he just kicked over my bosses potted cactus and I bet he broke the pot or something. I get up and stroll outside and find my child sitting on the ground holding his flip flop covered foot with cactus pricks* sticking out of his big toe, crying. I have to admit I really, really, REALLY wanted to laugh when I first saw it but I know that would have been wrong. I bent down and started immediately trying to get the pricks out of his foot. I noticed some that were too small to grab so I shouted at Codi to go grab my purse. I brought it to me, I grabbed my "girly things" bag and procured my brand new hot pink tweezers. I removed their pretty little plastic end protector and proceeded to grab out all of the remaining cactus pricks. Some were so small and I was amazed that I was able to grab onto them. We went inside, washed his foot, used the flashlight to find two more very hidden little pricks and remove them. Then the boys went about their day.
I went into my office and realized that I had just used my brand new fancy pants hot pink tweezers on my sons dirty big toe. That was not how I imagined my first time with them ya'll.
I find it funny now how it all worked out. I had zero reason to actually order tweezers. I probably wouldn't have used them again for a month. They shipped out incredibly fast, and I chose to keep them in my purse of all places. I have to wonder now if the universe somehow knew that cactus would show up at my work, that one of the kids would eventually kick it while wearing flip flops, that I would have been left tweezerless because someone else had taken our work tweezers home, and if in the end what I imagined to be my super cute girl tweezers was really just a great parenting tool that I subconsciously knew I would need with boys this age.
Either way, I felt like a super hero for having them so close at hand, and being able to remedy the situation immediately, rather then running around looking for tweezers, or running to get my keys, to go to my car, to get the tweezers that barely work, and fumbling it all in the end. My super pink, super cute tweezers made me a hero for a moment. Maybe next month I'll actually get to use them on myself.
Later that day I texted the same best friend who received the email about me stroking my villain mustache and said, "good thing I bought those tweezers." Later when she replied asking why, I said, "because my son just kicked a fucking cactus, and I just had to use them to pull fucking cactus pricks out of my his big toe." She got a great laugh out of it, knowing how happy I had been to order them, and how excited I was to use them solely for my chin hair girly needs. Admitting that I had to use them the first time for a mommy thing just made her day. Damn kids.
Before you ask, no I don't have a picture of his toe with cactus pricks in it, it didn't cross my mind to take a picture until after I had helped him. Yes I laughed my ass off in front of him after he was all cleaned up and done crying.
*Is pricks the correct term for this? Hmmm
Look how pretty they are.
I linked to them above because I was crazy impressed with the shipping speed, and I got a pretty good price for them on Amazon. They have so many colors to choose from, but I'm thrilled with my hot pink. Here is the link again.
Not sure if you all know about my new found love for Amazon Prime, but that love is real and deep. I have yet to come across something I couldn't add to my cart and have within two days. It's thrilling you guys. Just thrilling. Also, I did not get paid to write this, or asked to write this, I wrote it because my child kicked a cactus wearing flip flops and I had to use MY brand new shiny pink tweezers to pull stuff out of HIS dirty big toe.
**She saved that email to go back and look at, and laugh at later, because I really do send the weirdest emails. Poor best friend, she has to hear all of my weird shit. Some day you should find her and ask her about the spaghetti squash incident.