Most recent progress photos

Here are my most recent progress photos from the gym

I've been doing a clean eating diet since May 20th and I love it.  It's made a huge change in my weight loss.  I also achieved the goal today of reaching my lowest weight since 2008.  You may remember in 2008 I had a weight loss blog called Tuesday Tummy Tuck.  I lost a lot of weight during that.  It was right after having a baby while breast feeding.  I stopped breast feeding and gained it all back.  This time it's taken a year but I've managed to lose at least 35 pounds. I've lost 29 of them since I met my trainer.  The people at the gym now hang my progress photos on the wall to use as sales pitches because I've made such great progress.  This has been the most incredible life changing journey and I want to thank everyone who still follows along with me on here!

The time that thing happened in Disneyland that my husband thought only happened on TV

Did I ever tell you guys how we took a trip to Disneyland a few weeks back?  Well we did and it was mostly fun.  Aside from the blisters I still have 3 weeks later.

On day two we went to California Disney and as soon as we arrived I had to pee.  I went in and peed washed my hands and went walking down the street by all of the shops in search of my family.  I walked about 20 feet before I reached back to adjust my pants and realized there was toilet paper hanging out the back of them. Only, it wasn't just a little bit, it was dangling about down to my knees and the bottom of it was soaking wet and bumping into my pants. 

I was horrified and quickly tried to get it all out of my pants and undies and then dispose of it.  The only problem is my husband happened to come walking up behind me and he saw it happen. He started laughing and asked if that really just happened.  I was horrified.  He looked at me and said, "really, that really happened? I thought that kind of thing only happened in movies."

No.  It happens in real life, in Disenyland. 

Horrifying. 

Ticking time bomb

I've had this Giant's watch for a couple years now.  When I gained weight I stopped wearing watches, jewelry, and pretty much anything girly.  The watch has sat inside it's box in my closet for ages now.  When I got word that the team my husband and I would be managing in little league would be the Giants I immediately gathered all of my Giants gear so I could be the coolest team mom ever.  I pulled this watch out and I've worn it a few times since.  I guess my life is pretty noisy because I've never noticed this fucking watch tick tocks LOUDLY.

I laid out my clothes for the team picture today before bed last night.  On top of my clothes I put my Giants watch to remind myself to wear that one and not one of my others.  This morning when my husband left for work I woke up and took out my ear plugs so I could hear the boys if they woke up. 

TICK TOCK TICK TOCK TICK TOCK

Holy shit.  In a silent house the watch was tick tocking as loud as the heart in that Edgar Allen Poe story.  I kept trying to doze off but I couldn't because I just kept hearing tick tick tick TICK TICK.  The ticking weaved into my dreams and before I knew it I was dreaming of bombs, clocks and basically being stuck in a room with a new form a Chinese water torture in which I'm forced to listen to this ticking.  I finally woke up and tried hiding the watch in the clothes.  It did not matter.  I heard it.  I went downstairs and made coffee and finally got some peace.  Since then I've left the watch on the bathroom counter, which I forgot about, which meant that in the middle of the night when I got up to pee and heard a ticking noise it scared the shit out of me.  When I walk into my room home alone and hear the ticking I freak out.  I think I've seen too many bomb episodes of Criminal Minds. 

At work the other day I went to the bathroom and I was the only one hear.  I heard ticking in the bathroom and obviously panicked for about 14 seconds before realizing it was this fucking watch.

The watch is cute, I love it, and it matches all of my little league stuff, however I think when this season is done I'm going to shove it back in it's box and hide it in the fucking attic because the ticking between now and then just might kill me dead.  

 

High school bikinis

When I gained weight I got rid of almost everything from when I was young and thin.  For some reason though I held onto this one Lucky Brand bikini.  I loved the colors and the style.  I had pipe dreams that I would fit into it again "someday."  A year ago I pulled the bikini out to go meet some friends at a pool party.  I took a picture of myself in it to see how it looked and I think that was the moment I realized how overweight I had become.  Until then, I honestly thought I could wear this bikini with no problems.  I put the bikini in a drawer, put on my one piece and went to the pool.  About eight months ago I pulled the bikini bottoms back out and tried them on.  Still didn't fit.  This morning I tried it on again.  I still wouldn't wear it in public but I'm starting to feel like wearing this bathing suit again might not be a pipe dream after all.  I have made really amazing progress in the last year.  My hope is that this time next year I'll be able to take a final picture of me in the bikini and have it fit just exactly right. For those of you following along this is after a 30 pound loss and a 6% body fat loss. 

Also, if you are on a similar journey to me share your link, I would love to follow along and watch others reach their goals like I am.

Progress photos

 

Just some updates.  This was me on vacation in 2012 and me on vacation this week.  I see a lot of change.  I owe you guys a blog about my trip to Disneyland that involves a bee sting on my bikini line the first day we arrived in LA, an infected blister, a shin splint, and a few piggy back rides. 

I'm too tired to give you that post right now though. 

In the mean time I want to talk about the last post I posted.  The one titled Whiplash.  When I posted that blog I was feeling pretty down on myself. Serious self loathing.  I posted those photos to show you all what I see when I look in the mirror.  How I dissect myself and pick apart my body.  I wanted the self hate to be clear.  I received a comment later that day asking if my husband was okay that I posted those pictures of myself because this other persons husband would never allow them to post those photos.

I should first point out that I was wearing the same amount of clothing as a bikini.  Then I would like to point out that no part of that post was sexual. I replied to that girl and said, "If my husband read that post, and all that he took away from it was that I posted pics of myself in my panties, then we have bigger problems."  This person didn't understand and kept saying that I shouldn't have posted those pictures.  So lets clear this up now. My husband doesn't care.  He wasn't mad. He knows how I look at myself.  He knows what I was doing when I wrote that post.  He knows that not only was I admitting that I tear myself down, but that I was showing other readers my flaws openly and honestly.  I do take sexy pictures.  I send those to him only.  He knows the difference between sexy teasing photos, and photos in poor lighting to show my stretch marks, flab, and flaws.  My husband and I have a very honest relationship.  He also knows that this is MY personal blog and if I want to post those pictures I can.  If I had posted those pictures and wrote a post about how sexy I was and how hot I was, while making come hither faces into the camera and talked myself up that might have been a different case.  I didn't.  That blog was me tearing myself apart. 

I hope, I sincerely hope that if any of you are ever brave enough to write honest blogs like that, and show your progress pictures that you are met with the same love I was from my husband. I hope that my readers understand this is like my personal diary that I share with you all because I know you are a loving and supportive bunch of friends.  I know it was safe to post those photos and I know that all of you would read that blog and understand what I was going through.  I knew that none of you would read that blog and associate it with me trying to appear sexy.  The mistake I made was posting the link to that particular blog onto my public Facebook rather then my Misguided Mommy Facebook and a "friend" saw it and took it the wrong way.

This website is always going to be an honest one. I have nothing to hide.  My husband would never ask me to.  I hope that none of you took that blog the wrong way, but I've had the same readers for a long time and I'm willing to bet this is the last time I will ever need to address what I'm wearing in the photos I post. 

 

Smashing goals

I know I haven't blogged in a while and it's not because I don't want to, or I'm not interested in it anymore, it is because honestly I've become a gym rat. I've been going to the gym at least five or six nights a week.  On top of that little league has started which means five nights a week minimum will be spent up at the ball field and at some point I have to figure out the gym also.  I've been fortunate enough to take a few lunch days and go this week but I know that won't last forever.  That is going to mean a lot of very very late nights at the gym.  The thing is, March 25th will be my one year at the gym and I have to make it.  But I don't just want to make that, I have to make it to August which is my one year with my trainer.  I want the gym to be something I see through until the end.  Something I don't quit doing. If I am going to be addicted to anything, the gym is my vote.

I've been smashing goals lately.  I made it below 170 pounds which was my first goal.  Then I made it to 160 which was my next big goal.  If I can get to 159 I get a reward (Cadbury mini eggs, the irony does not escape me).

But the biggest goal of all? The one that I've been just dying to conquer was the box jump.  You know on the Biggest Loser when there is that square box and there is always one girl who is afraid to jump on it? That has been me for the last….ummm six years.  I've been afraid of the box.  I wouldn't even try. The last six months with my trainer I've flat out said no.  No no no, I will not try. Then last week a few things happened.  The first is that I ran a mile with ease on the treadmill, so I chose to stay on and run two miles.  Then the next day I ran the mile 30 seconds slower.  This week I actually shaved off another thirty seconds.  I'm running an eleven minute mile.  That may seem slow but I started out running a fifteen minute mile.  The running made me feel a little brave.  Combine that with my new preworkout and last week I suddenly started feeling brave. My trainer was out of town so another trainer came over while I stared at the 16" box and he offered to spot me.  I looked at the box one time and made the jump. 

I JUMPED ON THE BOX.  

It was the most invigorating moment of my life.  I did thirty more box jumps.  Then on Friday my husband came over to spot me and I decided to try out the 20" box.  You guys….I did it! 

But then!!!!

I dared to jump on the 24" box.  The tallest box they have until you move onto the table.  I did it.  I did thirty box jumps on the tallest box.  All totaled on Friday I did over seventy box jumps.  I was sore as fuck the next two days.  I went back today and did sixty  more box jumps.  I ran another mile.  I did the stairmaster.  I did 100 lat pull downs.  100 leg presses and 100 calf raises. 

The box jump was my biggest goal and I slaughtered it.  Today at my grandmas I jumped on her kitchen chair.  She was so proud of me.  I was proud of me.  It was incredible.

I never knew that the gym could be so awesome. I never knew I could be so proud of myself.  I never knew I would learn to think positive thoughts about myself.

 

Let's move on to some progress shots.

It's strange to see how big my shirts used to be.  It's strange that I can buy off the rack now.  It's strange that I'm wearing little Victorias Secret shorts and they fit, they aren't an extra large and they are loose.

This was me in a bathing suit last July.  The right side was me last week.  I'm working on it.  I might have a bikini body this year by July.  That would be an awesome goal.  To be bikini ready one year after the first picture was taken.

I bought new jeans.  They are a size 31. I washed them and they didn't even get tight.  I feel amazing in them. 

Finally,

This is a photo I didn't post publicly.  I took the photo to illustrate how deceitful photos can be.  Everyone saw me in this dress and told me how fantastic I looked.  I wanted not only myself but other people to also understand that everything is not always as it seems.  I am still not thin.  My legs still need a lot of work.  My stomach pooches out.  I didn't take this photo to bag on myself, I took the photos to remind myself that when I see someone smaller then me, or who looks better then me that maybe without their clothes on they have flaws too.  I always see people and assume they look a certain way naked.  I assume everyone looks better then me naked.  Recently I saw one of those people naked and….she looked like me. She had cellulite, she had a pooch, she had stretch marks.  It was a reality check.  It was a much needed reality check.  Maybe I don't look so bad.  I know I have a lot of work but I wanted to post this picture so that people who look at me know the reality of it.  I'm not perfect. I'm not thin, but I am a work in progress. I will get there.  I do have nicer legs then I did.  My stomach doesn't stick out past my boobs now. I'm getting there.  Maybe I need to stop comparing myself to others and remember that everyone has things they aren't proud of. This might not make sense, but I guess it's kind of like I was judging a lot of books by their cover and then comparing myself to the other books.  I didn't want other people who are on similar journeys to judge my body by my cover and feel defeated.  Now you can see me underneath the clothes and know that maybe we aren't so different and you are doing a amazing job, and please don't give up on your journey.

 

That's all for now. I have more goals to smash.

Shit to discuss

I went to the gym during my lunch today which means I got home early tonight. I've already done the dishes and started dinner which means I have nothing left to do but sit here and blather on to all of you.

A few months ago I made a goal to buy smaller jeans the my husband.  About a week ago I finally bought them.  They fit. I was so fucking happy.  However, after that I realized that my husband always buys his jeans at least two sizes too big, which means that my other goal of having a smaller waist then my husband was not acheived.  His baggy jeans tricked me into thinking I had finally developed a smaller waist then him.  This bothered me for hours and hours last week.

The weather is warming up and the sun is staying out longer which obviously means it's time to sit outside and water my rosemary with a nice glass of whiskey and lime.  I will try not to drown myself in the hose while watering with a buzz.  It should be noted that since December 1st I've probably only had five total drinks. 

I've been bathing suit shopping. It's a little more fun this year. I ordered the cutest bikini from Victorias secret. I am still on the hunt for a one piece but I've been road blocked by the fact that my Reno stores haven't caught up to the fact that spring break is right around the corner and dammit women need at least a month to hem and haw over swimwear.

My bra size has gone down from a 38D to a 36D.  This is exciting.  Last time my cup size changed and I was not pleased.  This time only my rib size changed but I got to keep my D.  I am going to be devestated when I drop into the C cup area.

Little league starts soon and I am thrilled.  We have our own team this year (Rob is managing Codi's team) and then Rob coaches Brandons team.  I somehow managed to finagle making the team we manage be the Giants.  I am obsenely excited about this shit.  I am not excited about the four days of little league clinics I have coming up.  I am excited for the unlimited access to nacho cheese again when the snack bar opens.  Unresonable excited about that part. 

I've added in a second trainer.  He specializes in plyometrics.  Dammit.  I will be bikini ready by next summer.

Also, it should be noted that I jumped on the boxes at the gym this weekend. I've only been wanting to do that for three years but I've been too affraid.  Now I'm a box jumping pro.  I did three sets of ten, which might explain why my ass hurts so motherfucking bad today. 

That's all for now. I have to go make sure I didn't burn dinner while I was drinking, watering and typing.

PS, My spell check button doesn't work.  I am sorry in advance for all of the errors.  But not too too sorry.

Laters!

I'm going to catch so much hell for this post. I don't care

I have been going 5-6 days a week and doing some pretty intense work outs.  This weekend I was soo sooooo sore and realized that going in and doing my normal routine of weights, stair master and running would only end up injuring me.  Instead I went and swamp laps until I couldn't breathe anymore.  It was nice and relaxing.  Last night I was feeling tired so I thought I would end my arm and cardio workout with a swim.  By the time I made it to the pool they were gearing up for an aqua aerobics class. 

Let me just stop here.  I think aqua aerobics is about the most full of shit thing ever.  Unless you are eighty years old go into the gym and do a real workout.  One whole side of the pool was full of overweight people standing around talking while the few of us who actually wanted to workout were smooshed into one lane.   I was annoyed if you aren't working out stand OUTSIDE the pool and wait.  Don't take up space talking.  I don't feel this way only about the pool, I feel like this about the gym in general.  Do not sit on a bike for 40 minutes chatting with a friend while all of the other bikes are full.  Please do not sit on the leg press machine and text for 20 minutes while never doing a single fucking leg press.  Do not come to the gym with a friend to stand around and look pretty.  Chances are you are getting in my way, and every other persons way who is there to actually work out.

Back to the pool.

I did my laps right up until they removed the lane and started the class.  Then the instructor came in.  I was confused.  The instructor was a big woman.  A very big woman.  I don't understand.  Why on earth would you take a class from someone who is not only standing outside of the pool and not participating, but who isn't in any kind of physical shape herself?  I was baffled.  I watched this shenanigan take place for a few minutes before leaving.  When I was done I was sitting at one of the tables drinking my protein shake and I watched a step aerobics class being taught.  The guy teaching the class had a bigger gut then me.  Again, I would never take a class from someone like that and expect to end up looking fantastic in the end.  If he teaches that class at least four times a week and doesn't look svelte how can I expect to take the class and walk out looking good? 

The trainer I pay to teach me about health and fitness is in tip top shape. His body is a fucking temple.  90% of the trainers at my gym have bodies in peak physical shape.  I see them eat, they eat well, they look good.  I realize that a class is a free add on to your gym membership and trainers cost a lot more money but the results I've seen since working out with my trainer are worth every single cent I've spent.

I am shocked that people do this.  That they take these classes taught by people who clearly have no realm of fitness and then expect their lives to change. Working out, real working out was a huge shock to my system.  There is a big difference between playing around on the elliptical and spending 5-6 days a week working out every single muscle in your body and doing 5 additional forms of cardio.  Perhaps these people aren't serious about their fitness yet.  Perhaps they really believe screwing around in the pool for 20 minutes three times a week is going to change their lives.  I don't know. 

What I do know is that this family:

 

Has made some serious changes in their lives

If you are ready to change your life and get in healthy and in shape I encourage you to seek out a professional at the gym. Find someone who will hold you accountable.  Someone who will encourage you to EAT calories.  Someone who will teach you the right calories to eat. Someone who will teach you how to work every muscle in your body and what order to work them in.  Someone who will push you when you feel like quitting and cheer you on when you move past a goal.  I know it's expensive but I'm telling you, it was the best money I've ever spent.  Spending money on a gym is worthless if you are going to waste it standing around talking or not working out to your full potential. 

 

Good luck!

In which I issue a public apology to the entire universe

Probably since they have existed I have publicly shared my hatred for the Beats By Dre headphones.  They are so big and bulky and look ridiculous.  Lately I've seen people wear them in the gym and it drives me insane.  You look stupid. So stupid.  Why would you wear those to the gym?  I've clowned on my trainer for wearing them, I've made fun of people on Facebook and Instagram for wearing them, I'm a total jerk about these headphones.  These headphones rank up almost as high, if not equal to Crocs.

About three weeks ago I went into Best Buy with my husband and while he was off doing who knows what I saw the headphones. Deciding to prove they were as stupid as I thought, I slipped them on.  It sounded so good.  I was immediately annoyed. They weren't allowed to sound good.  I threw them back where they came from and left. 

I continued to make fun of every single person who wore those stupid bulky ridiculous headphones.

Then today while waiting for Apple to put a new battery in my iPhone I saw a pair of Beats in Teal.  I mused that they were cute, if you liked that stupid, bulky, show offy type of look.  Then I moseyed down to the area you could test the headphones.  I slipped them on and was shocked to find one of my favorite bands, "The Wild Feathers" on the stores iPod.  I turned it up and my god it was like angels started singing in my ears.  It was the clearest most beautiful goddamn sound I had ever heard.  In fact it sounded so good I forgot to hate them and turned up the music louder and leaned over the table and just rocked out.  After a few moments I took them off to put my hair in a pony tail and see how they would fit if my hair was up like at the gym.  The second I removed them noise was everywhere.  People chattering, and music, and phones beeping, just NOISE.  I was shocked.  The headphones did such a good job of cancelling out noise that I actually forgot where I was.  For about a minute and a half I was alone with my song and not even aware of my surroundings. 

I slipped them back on and the blissful joy returned to my ears.  This shit is incredible. These headphones are amazing.  AMAZING.  I cannot even believe it.  They are the greatest thing to ever happen to my ears.  For someone who can hear every single little noise, someone who gets frustrated at the gym when I'm on the treadmill and I can hear the person next to me running through my headphones, or when I'm working out and the person next to me drops their weights. I hate it. I don't want to hear your feet slapping on the treadmill, I don't want to hear your conversation about work, or your date or whatever you are talking to the person next to you about, I don't want to hear grunts and groans and I do not want to hear weights clanging around. I just want silence.

I took a picture of the beautiful teal colored Solo Beats By Dre and I left the store.  I want them.  I want them so bad I am willing to publicly admit I was an asshole who was so wrong in my wrongness.  I don't care if I look totally lame (I do) wearing them at the gym, and I don't even care if I look like all of the people I have talked shit about the last year the magical angels singing into my ears make it sooooo worth admitting I was a jerk of living in bratty wrongville.

I'm going to save up my money for them.  Once you hear how good music can sound you cannot go back.  I'm going to be cranky and annoyed at the gym every single day until I save up for these stupid headphones.  I need these headphones.  I MUST HAVE THEM. 

I'm sorry world.  I was wrong.  You still look ridiculous in your headphones, and when I get mine you can tell me how stupid I look in mine, but that's okay because I won't be able to hear you with my magic fairy kiss headphones on.

Update on the post op weight

When I woke up the morning after surgery and saw that I was seven pounds heavier I almost fell apart.  I actually started crying.  You see, the day before surgery I weighed 164 pounds.  My current goal is 160 pounds.  I'm taking it in five pound goals lately.  The day I checked into the hospital I weighed 162 but that was because I had to fast and drink a gallon of laxative before the surgery.  The following morning after spending just about five hours in the hospital I woke up weighing 169.  The logical part of me should have only considered this a five pound gain since rationally I had only weighed 162 from the fasting and the laxative but the irrational part of me considered this a seven pound gain. I had been stuck in the 170's for months.  Close to three months.  It was bad.  It wasn't that I hit a plateau, because I was still losing body fat and inches, it was just that the muscle and the fat were counter balancing each other.  Getting out of the 170's had been my goal for three months.  THREE.  All I wanted was to step on the scale and see a ONE and a SIX as the first numbers for once.  When I finally hit 169 I was so thrilled.  It was like the kick start I needed and before I knew it I was 164. I worked hard for that.  Six day a week trips to the gym, meal tracking, saying no to sweets.  It took a lot. 

I went to the store at 168 and saw they had the Cadbury mini eggs for sale.  If you've read this blog for any amount of time you would know that I love those eggs.  Those eggs are my kryptonite.  Those eggs are probably the best food ever created ever in the whole world.  The mini bags were on sale buy two get one free.  I bought twelve.  On every other diet I've always just said fuck it and eaten the eggs.  This time I brought them home and put them in the freezer.  I went round and round with goals.  Should I eat them if I get to 165?  No.  I decided if I got myself to 160 I would be allowed to have one mini bag of eggs.  I trudged on from 168 to 167 and then 165 and finally 164.  I was so close I could taste it.  Then the surgery happened and I woke up feeling so lost. 

The doctor couldn't exactly explain were the seven pounds came from and I didn't like that.  Combined with the fact that I can't go to the gym for a while i was feeling really sorry for myself.  I'll be honest there has been a lot of tears in my house since the surgery.  I am swollen, so swollen and my weight was so close to having a ONE SEVEN in front of it that I panicked.  I immediately went back to protein shakes and watching my calories.  But by day two I wanted some pizza.  I'll admit it, I needed some pizza.  So I ate two slices of pizza.  Then I woke up and I had only lost one pound.  I panicked again. I struggled with being very strict on my calories, or doing what my trainer said and eating a lot of calories to help my body recover.  In the end I followed his advice and I just ate normally.  I had some pizza, I had some fat free pudding, I had one cookie.  This morning I woke up and I weighed 165.  I am relieved.  I also realized this morning that aiming to weigh 162 again isn't a good plan since I only got there with a gallon of laxative.  Tomorrow I go back to work and I'm going to go back to my scheduled eating and meal planning.  I'm still very swollen which is irritating but at least the weight didn't stay on. 

I cannot wait to get back to the gym. I never thought I would miss it, but I miss the gym so bad it's not even funny. I'm dying to do some calf raises, and biceps, and God I would kill to do the stairmaster.  My trainer is riding my ass about taking my time and I'm trying to.  I am hoping that as long as I keep my weight in check I will not have a full melt down about missing so much gym time. 

This has all been very hard for me.  Learning a new way of life, a healthy way of life and making it a habit was hard enough.  Having surgery in the middle of that and having to stray from this new way of life was even harder.  I'm hoping that I seamlessly fall back into my schedule of eating and my six day a week work outs and that eventually it will be like nothing ever happened and I'm back to normal. 

Wish me luck!