I had the day off yesterday. I work every day so having a day off I was in shock. I didn’t know what to do with myself. First I sat on the couch and enjoyed a cup of yummy Hawaiian white chocolate coffee and watched the Incredibles with Brandon. Then I thought why not organize the Christmas decorations? Ooooops I forgot that those were stuffed inside the guest room closet. I opened the closet and things came spilling out on me. This is the closet now (sorry I’m not smart like Emery it didn’t occur to me to take before pictures).

I figured while I was in this room it couldn’t hurt to make the bed and actually clean off the desk. Whoah I can actually see desk. How odd.


When I was done in the office/guest room I watched Incredibles with Brandon. Next came my closet. Now this may not look like much to you but earlier the floor was covered in all of my clothes, the shelves had clothes hanging in all directions and the shoes were …..well the shoes were just plain bad.


As if that wasn’t bad enough I figured maybe I should clean out my kitchen drawers. While dong this I watched the Incredibles with Brandon. Look how organized I am. It took Brandon five mintues to sniff out the clean and destroy it.

I sure dont’ know what I would do if I was a stay at home mom. I think I would run out of things to clean. How boring. I got so bored I even went to work for an hour. Then I came home and I watched the Incredibles with Brandon. After that we went to the park and then we came home and watched the Incredibles. Finally daddy came home so we watched the Incredibles.

This is what happens when my son gets bored. He starts looking for ways to freak me out. These are pictures of Brandon trying to somersault off the couch.

After specifically telling a certain family member to please not read my blog and even setting it to private for a while I just found out that not only has he continued to read it today he has emailed a person that I wrote something about and told her what I said. It was my personal feelings and he told her. I don’t know how to feel about this. Not only that but he emailed the link to my mother. I tried setting this blog to private but I noticed that a lot of people didn’t like having to register or sign in to read my blog. I have so many friends who read this daily sometimes logging on a few times a day to see what I have to say. I am at such a crossroads here. Do I completly delete this blog that means so much to me or what. I took it out of private thinking this person understood that this was personal and for him to now start telling people the things I said makes me sick to my stomach. I feel like vomiting right now. The worst part is that the person he told hasn’t even read the email yet so now I just have to sit here and wait for her to read it and call me screaming. I am so so so devastated about this whole matter. Please weigh in and advise me.

* I would much rather talk on yahoo messenger or email then talk on the phone. I don’t know why I just don’t like it. I feel very uncomfortable and weird when people call me so 90% of the time I just won’t answer your call and later at work I will email to see what you wanted. There is only one person I truly enjoy talking on the phone with and that is my cousin Lisa. We can talk on the phone for hours and hours and not actually say anything. So if your not her don’t call me.

* I can not stand voice mail. I don’t like checking them I don’t like seeing them on my phone and I don’t see the point of them. 99.999999% of the time I will not check my voice mail for at least 12 days after you have left me the message. This also applies to home answering machines I hate having messages there also. The other day I had 9 messages and the first one was over a month old. I really don’t understand the point of leaving someone a message that says “Hi its me call me”. Because that is what they all say. Guess what people I have caller ID on my home and cell phone. I know you called I don’t need a friendly reminder from you.

*I don’t eat meat, I am very against hunting, I don’t believe in cruelty to animals but you couldn’t pry my leather Coach purse from my hands if you tried. I don’t know why I find it acceptable to carry my fancy purses but I do so don’t bug me about it.

*I don’t believe in hitting, spanking, smacking, slapping or any sort of hurting children. This includes a smack on the hand. I don’t think its fine. I don’t think it teaches them better. I don’t understand why anyone would purposely hurt someone they love. I don’t understand why most men who won’t hit their wives will hit their kids. WHY!!!! If you hit your kids and I see you or I know you do it I’m probably going to judge you. Sorry. It’s the truth. I will think you are horrible and I will feel sorry for your kids. I probably won’t say anything to you but now you know.

*I’m not so good with the whole coming to your house and hanging out thing. I feel safe in my house. Its my little bubble. I love having people come over but chances are I will probably never visit your house. I don’t know why I just suck at it. I really don’t feel comfortable in other peoples house. I feel strange bringing my son over to peoples houses since I know he will destroy their things. Basically if you want to see me just come on over. Please don’t ask me over unless it is for a big event (i.e. birthdays, bbq’s and holidays) because I hate coming up with excuses for why I can’t come sit on your couch and twitch uncomfortably.

*I can’t stand hugging. No let me clarify I don’t like being touched. DON’T TOUCH ME. I hate being hugged by anyone but my husband or my son. In my whole life I have had 3 people I have felt okay with hugging me. One is this guy Roy Carson in high school. He gave great hugs and I would go to him when I felt like I needed one. The second person is my husband. It took me a while to warm up to the idea but now I love his hugs and I actually prefer them to kisses. The third person is my son. He can hug me all day and make my whole heart stop. So please if you are hanging out with me please don’t hug me good bye. Don’t hug me hello, don’t hug me unless I make the move to hug you first. I know I seem mean but hugging me makes me want to vomit. I don’t like people touching me at all. I don’t mind a good poke in the arm from Ginger here and there but that is my limit. If you do hug me or touch me you should know that for the next 20 minutes I’m only going to be concentrates on the part of my body you just touched. Also if you do hug me I will take that as an open invitation to puke on you so you can then be just as uncomfortable as me.

So there now you have stepped into my twisted mean little mind and you now know a little bit about me. Sorry if I see like a complete ass. I don’t mean to be its just how I am. So take it or leave it.

I don’t get it! ! ! I did this stupid little Myspace survery that people are supposed to respond to. So this girl who I only know from online responds to it and fills in all of the blanks. One of the questions asked, “Is there something you have alwasy wanted to tell me?” Here is her response.
i don’t know how it is that you are so infatuated with your little, because sometimes I can’t stand my kids or hubby. It’s just not sane……lol.
So I pondered this for a moment. I replied something along the lines of my son is the worlds greatest and that I hope I’m the same when I have two. Here is her second response.
You are one of those fun mommies and I am one of those meanie ones.
My 3 yr old even says so, just about every time I tell him no. His new thing is to say, “okay fine meany”
It does not hurt my feelings any at all.
I think you are obsessed, but I don’t think having any more will cure that. I think you will just get worse. You are gonna be one of those soccer moms who go on and on and on about your kid……it is too funny.

WAIT! I’m going to get worse? So being a good mom who loves her son and makes him her whole world is getting worse? I find this so odd. The second I had my son he became my everything. Right now he is running across the living room at full speed then throwing his legs out from under him and purposely falling. Then he is going into a fit of giggles. Any mom who has ever seen her little boy giggle knows that no matter how crazy they make you or how much you want time alone that giggle just makes your whole heart jump and fill with mush mom power. So as I watch my son do this I think to myself how much I could only dream of being a soccer mom. How I can’t wait to have a second child just to be obsessed with both of them and begin blogging about having two little kids that melt my heart.

So what exactly is wrong with going on and on and on about my son? Am I bothering any one here? And if I am, if it bugs you quit reading. When did loving your son unconditionally change to be an obsessed mom? Here is this helpless little guy and all he has in the world is love. If he doesn’t have that he doesn’t thrive. Before having Brandon I had nothing that I loved this much. I had nothing that was constant in my life that I knew every day I could wake up and be loved.

I honestly don’t understand how someone can even have a kid and not feel extreme love for them and want to document their every lives because someday they are going to grow up and lock themselves in their rooms and you won’t get to take those pictures anymore. So what if I chase my son around like a crazy camera wielding monster. Maybe he will need glasses because I have mildly blinded him with the flash. SOOOOO. In 10 years when he can’t remember these days he will look back at all of my pictures and his scrapbook and the letters I write him and he will know THAT HIS MOM LOVED HIM SO MUCH AND WAS A CRAZY WANT TO BE SOCCER MOM WHO THOUGHT THIS LITTLE BOY WAS THE WHOLE WORLD! ! !

To all the moms out there whose children mean everything to them this blog is for you. Go leave right now run and find your kid and smother them with love and silliness.

I’m not even sure this blog is coherent but I really can’t wrap my head around the concept of not being obsessed about your child. Maybe when I get a better grasp on this whole thing I’ll write a more profound coherent blog…Wait who am I kidding I don’t write that shit. I just write to write to write. And today I’m writing about my son. AGAIN! So stuff it! ! !

So I told Steph I after talking to her today that I was going to blog about her. Ha ha I have a feeling that she thought I was going to blog about how she is a crazy workaholic who needs to marry my friend Jason today, settle down and have a kid so our kids can play together and our husbands can argue over whose son throws a better curve ball. She was sooo wrong (neener neener Steph!) I decided that I would rather blog about the new the old and the odd.

Stephanie and I used to be friends. Well sorta kind of. We were those people in 8th grade who pretended to be friends because our friends were pretending to be friends. Actually it stems back to elementary school when we were on rival girl scout teams, (yeah I still remember your troops skit where you all ran around like freaks looking for your important papers that turned out to be toilet paper.) Later high school came along and Stephanie and I more then butted heads (can we say Justin Crowell). That and we were both stubborn chicks with the mind set that we were right you were wrong and everyone else was a bitch. For the most part I had sworn Stephanie off as someone I would never ever in a million years be friends with.

Enter Myspace. I ventured onto that website slowly only adding the three people I actually knew and liked. I began to notice that Steph was on EVERYONES page (you really are)!!!!! My first thought was, God how annoying go away grrrrr. I talked to another one of my friends about this and we agreed that we wouldn’t be her friend.

Boing New Friend Request. Shit it was her. So I just looked at it for a while and then I looked at it some more. I walked away from my computer, came back and looked at it again. Finally I wrote her. I said that I was confused because I was pretty sure we weren’t friends. She responded with something about not being in high school anymore and moving on. SHIT she was nice and adult and stuff. So again I looked at that friend request and again I walked away. Finally I sucked it up and wrote her again. This started a little trickle of passing emails between acquaintances. Finally after telling her some pretty personal stuff (because I will blab my personal stuff to most anyone) and realizing that she hadn’t posted it all over Myspace the next day and realizing she wasn’t secretly scamming me trying to find out info just to laugh at me later I did the unthinkable. I walked over to my computer and pushed ADD FRIEND. Whoah. Did I do that? Me? The person who doesn’t make new friends especially out of people I consider enemies?

The craziest part is I feel like I might have possibly met someone who could actually become a very close friend in my life. I say met because I feel like I’m meeting her for the first time since we are both such different people now. (By different I mean grown ups who don’t talk quite as much shit and don’t hate each other over a guy, and who actually have real things to talk about besides how skanky __fill in the blank__ looks). The insane part is we still haven’t seen each other since we started talking (the rib cookoff so doesn’t count because I was scared shitless to talk to you and ran away with out saying more then uhhsmuh uh huh what who). We email every day and all day long. Seriously Wednesday I think I received 73 emails from her in the 8 hours I was at work. (That is probably less then the 4,793 she received from me). In the morning I rush out to check my email to see if she has written me yet and if not I rush to email her before she gets the chance to beat me to it. Now we are talking about finally meeting up again and I want to vomit at the thought. What if she hates me. What if I sound dorky in person or she realizes I’m to fat and unfashionable to be seen with. What if I have spinach in my teeth or I trip and fall. What if we find out that we were better friends online then we are in person. Something else that freaks me out is the what about the other friends question.

I had this other friend who was actually only my friend in when we were in college classes and her friends weren’t there to see. I remember one day hanging out with her at her work and her “REAL” friends came to see her and asked what I was doing there and she was all “I SO DON’T KNOW WHY SHE IS HERE.” I was devastated. That was the first time I realized there are public friends and private friends. So now I look at Stephs friend list and I realize its filled with about 200 people who hate me, 4 who like me, 10 who would tolerate me and 30 who don’t know me but will hate me as soon as they do. So that is the scary part. How can we become friends when everyone in her life still has the astigmatism that I’m a mean awful man stealing bitch (yeah I was all of those things in high school and more)?

Another thing weighing on my mind is how to become friends with someone I know nothing about. Sure we have filled each other in on a lot of stuff but there are so may other things. I don’t know her sisters name, I don’t know her parents (not true I know her dad pretty well but only because he used to tease me daily over having sex with Kylen on the job), her family, he hopes her dreams, her past hurts and heartbreaks or her past achievements. How weird is it going to be to hang out with her and her Real, original friends and watching from the side as they laugh at inside jokes and recall things I know nothing about? See Steph doesn’t really have to worry about this because I only have three, yes three people that I actually hang out with and she knows all of them. I don’t always want to be the second best friend. The friend you go to when all the others are busy. This is the reason I don’t make new friends its easier to stick to what I know and not embarrass myself. (Emery this is like you and the Gymboree moms)

So Steph here is my blog for you. These are the thoughts roaming my mind right now. I hope we find away to make a beautiful friendship (if we get our shit together and meet up). I also hope that you and Jason work this out and even if not I know he is the kind of guy who will still become a great friend. I hope you had a great first night at work. I hope you don’t work yourself to death. And I hope you remember to make time for me between your 50 jobs. I’ll probably email you like 40 times before you read this but I wanted to make sure I got the blog up so you had stuff to read at work instead of actually working.

*Side not to anyone who reads this, yes I know it sounds like a love story or a story of how I met my husband hush, I’m sorry I just have a habit of writing in a lovey dovey matter. So shhh I’m aware okay.

**Side side note to Emery. Do you remember our girl scout skit where we did the 60s or something and you were an astronaut and I was a hippy and Emily Rhyme was a news paper boy and Ginger was there too. Ha ha good times. Remember how they told us it used to be a prison camp and the ghosts where going to come get us. And do you remember how they used to call for seconds at dinner and people would go rushing up. Or how they used to have trivia during dinner. I remember, I even remember that they asked what the M&M stood for in M&Ms candy. However for the life of me I can’t remember the answer. Momar do you remember, you were there?

***Side side side note to Steph, wasn’t Gina Francis in your troop and maybe Molly Wilcox?

****Side side side side oh you get the point note. How many () can I actually fit in one blog (some one should count that for me!) Ha ha I crack myself up.

A few years ago I painted this cute little ceramic floating froggy dude that you put on your sink to hold a kitchen sponge. Yesterday my husband broke it. Being the macgyver that I am I instantly rushed to my most favorite drawer in the house. THE FIX IT DRAWER. This drawer contains everything you need to fix anything: Duct tape, rubber bands, push pins, twisty ties and my personal favorite crazy glue. I grabbed out my crazy glue and squeeeeeeeeeezed it all over the ceramic thingy. Then I popped the top back on and went about my business.

About 45 minutes later I hear, “Honey, (laugh laugh) did you glue the thingy to the tile?). O shit! That sounds like something I would do. After all I’m the girl who crazy glued her stereo knob back on and was forever stuck with one volume and a stereo that wouldn’t turn off. I’m the girl who put so much glue on her speaker knob it dripped down inside of the truck and glued the door to the heater vent shut making it so heat couldn’t blow into my car. I am the girl who was secretly sitting on the couch trying to peal the crazy glue off my finger with out my husband seeing that so he couldn’t laugh at me. I’m the girl who glued my jeans to my legs (I still don’t know how in the hell I did that.)

So did I glue the thingy to the tile? Sounds about right to me. I go in and try and pull my little ceramic guy off. I get it off but now there is glue and ceramic shit stuck to my tile. I’m off to see if I own any of that nail polish remover stuff to see if that will take the crap off.

Its a little blurry but this is what my tile now looks like.