My mother just came in and read my last post and asked why on earth I haven’t posted about the time she called the cops on my cousin and I yet. Soooo fine here!

I present to you THE SEVEN HOUR DAY!

One morning Lisa and I get this brilliant idea that we are going to ride our bikes over to Gingers neighborhood. This is because Gingers neighborhood had ALL THE GUYS. So we go over an somehow wander over to Scotts house to hang out with him and Tom. Debbie and Ginger are there with us. To be brief I’ll just tell you a few tidbits from this day. First, I hadn’t yet kissed a boy. This meant everyone in the room proceeded to try and teach me. So first we had Debbie, trying to show me on her hand. This leads to all of us girls now semi practicing making out with our hands in little fists.

After this we do other stupid things like try and get the guys to kiss us, or try and get them to write on our stomachs (because then OMG they like totally touched me.) and on and on and on. We also stole their hat because it had their sweat in it. Took the barrettes they had to wear at dinner (this was during the long hair grunge phase).

Anyway about five hours had passed when my pager started going off. WELL we weren’t exactly supposed to be hanging out with these boys so we brought our bikes in and hid them. Now sensing we were in huge ass trouble we stayed locked in their room and banned Debbie and Ginger from leaving as my mom would surely get it out of them where we were.

The next thing we know my mom is driving down the street. So now like a bunch of retards we start over exageratedly ducking down behind the windows like OMG she is going to see us! After about 7 hours we decide we better go home. As we are riding home the Washoe County Sherrifs pull up next to us. Seems my mom had called the cops on us at this point (fyi I wasn’t older then 13). They followed behind us as we peddled up to my house in shame. The next thing we knew they had our backs against the wall and they just screamed and screamed and screamed at us.

Yeah we were in trouble. After that we got grounded. This is where the fun began. We were forbidden to speak so we would send letters. They would be depressing letters containging giant drawings of the #7 (for 7 hour day) or the words to Far Behind (or song for Tom and Scott), or other depressing woe is us shit. Thus started the daily letter writing segment in school. We would write letter after letter while we were in school. Mine would be like OMG Stephanie Delano is soo being a bitch today about Jeff Williamson (hahahaha Steph), and Lisa’s would be like DUDE Shane totally looked at me today and….

I had my own teen line in my room so when Lisa would call me if my mom was there I would say, no thanks I don’t need my carpets cleaned and hang up. Thank gosh my mom didn’t know about *69 yet.

Also, I still have all of these letters, in date order in a binder! There was this girl that we hated named Britney because she dated Scott her code name was Britanica. So Lisa used to find stuff about encyclopedia Britanica and send it to me with the words SUCKS written all over it. I still have these too. I can’t remember why but I have a nickel that Lisa sent me glued to a piece of paper also.

We also had code names for everyone else, and on the rare occasion we spoke their real name it had to be done with special accents so Tom was always referred to as Thomas Dale, Thomas Dale Henry, and you would have to know us to know the way we had to say that EVERY SINGLE TIME WE TALKED ABOUT HIM!

So you seee….really we are total morons! Our kids don’t stand a chance!

When we were younger my cousin and I, aside from speaking our fabulous made up language had made up names. We preferred to tell guys we were about 4 years old then we were and also come up with different names. I was always Zoey and Lisa had a few names but finally settled on being called KC. To this day I still run into guys who call me Zoey and it is terribly embarrassing when they find out I lied and even more embarrassing for them that they believed me. Anyway one day we left a note for our grandma and signed our fictitious names. Well our grandmas husband couldn’t read very well which means he translated Zoey and KC to Zoc and Kool Cat. From then on we had our new super cool names. We were so stupid that we would be like hey Kool Cat, yeah Zoc, and laugh about this shit in public like we were the funniest fuckers on the planet.

To continue showing off just how cool we are I’ll go ahead and tell you, we used to take the phone from her house and carry it with us on the moped to where ever we were going so her brothers couldn’t use it. On top of that we would pack cereal in a baggy, milk in another baggy and banana in another one. This means at any given time you would see us riding down the street with me on the back carrying cereal, milk, bananas, and a stolen skateboard with a phone cord dangling in the wind behind us. We would then get to our destination and plug in her uber cool phone covered in that neon glue they used to sell and call radio stations trying to win stuff. THEN we would call random people and exclaim…HI THIS IT DOTTY FROM FOX KIDS CLUB AND YOU’VE JUST WON A TRIP TO DISNEY LAND please go to 1398 Mill street to claim your prize today! Yes people actually got excited and yes they actually believed us.

Then as the night wore on it would turn to calling and ask people if their refrigerator was running…but dude, imagine our shock when one lady shouted back at us all happy and giddy YEAH ITS RUNNING DOWN THE STREET!