I’m not sure I’ve ever mentioned my husbands love of fast food restaurant condiment hot sauce on here before. To make it simple he really loves hot sauce, loves it more then I love chocolate. What this means is if we go to somewhere like Taco Bell or Jack in the Box (for their tacos) I have to ask for a lot of sauce. Then I have to explain to the cashier that no in fact that isn’t a lot I need A LOT. In fact he likes it so much this once prompted me to drive to every Jack in the Box in Reno and ask for hot sauce for two days in a row, then shove them all in little plastic Easter eggs for my husbands easter basket. Really people you should have seen the boner he got off all those eggs (and that was before he got to the eggs with free lap dances from his favorite strip club). It also means that if I go somewhere like KFC who sometimes leaves their sauce out I have to immediately steal all the sauce, then go ask them to refill it, steal the rest and run like hell. I probably shouldn’t even mention the time we walked into Taco Bell and Rob was drunk and I happened to mention that there was an entire box of mild sauce sitting right over there and before I knew it my drunk ass husband was kicking the box ever so discreetly right out to his car. That fucking box lived in my kitchen for months before he finished it all, AND YES HE FINISHED IT ALL.

Why so much sauce you ask? Well because silly, of course you need one whole sauce packet PER BITE!!!! What he does is squirt some sauce on the bite, take the bite then put the packet in his mouth and sucks out the rest of the sauce to finish his bite. This shit grosses me out to no end. I find it hard to believe as one packet of sauce can last me an entire meal. Now, when he orders something like a Mexican Pizza from Taco Bell that is when the horror show really begins. He opens no less then 24 packets and squeezes them all out over the pizza to the point that there is approximately a half inch of sauce in the little box and his pizza is floating (do me a favor ask my friends I do not exaggerate even a little when I tell you these things). In fact he puts so much sauce on the Mexican pizza he has to eat the fucker with a spoon since a fork will allow the sauce to run through the tines.

In case this isn’t bad enough, there was actually a time when I had to pay the guy at KFC $5.00 for a bag filled to the top with sauce just to satisfy my husbands need for two sauces per little teeny tiny chicken wing.

Sooooo that being said, just now when Brandon picked up a pack of Taco Bell sauce (because yes we do have that just lying around our house, now I’ll thank you kindly to shut the hell up about it) tore open the top and sucked out the entire contents then looked at it and sucked some more…it became crystal clear…we don’t need any fancy DNA testing here…this kid belongs to my husband with out a doubt!