Omg omg omg all week all I’ve wanted was some pizza from New York. But since that clearly isn’t happening I decided I would settle for some dominos pizza. My husband is going to get it soon and I think I’m going to sprout wings and fly from the excitement. That is how this whole pregnancy has been. Not long term cravings, just instant cravings that I must satisfy now and once I do its done and gone and over with. I can’t wait for PIZZZZZZZZZZZA!

Edited to add: It is almost an hour later and my shit head husband just now fucking left to get the pizza, he’s been sitting in my driveway bullshitting with his friend. He didn’t think I would notice him sneak out an hour later but he has goddamn Flowmaster exhaust on his truck, he couldn’t sneak out if he tried. FUCKER!

As you know both Jen and I are pregnant. The last couple weeks we exchanged baby presents. I sent mine via Babies R Us. Jen did too but she also sent me something that she (her husband) packaged and shipped herself (himself). Again, I want to mention we are pregnant. Anyway, since I’m lazy the box is still sitting on my counter. This morning I was pouring myself a glass of milk when I looked over at the box and was set into a fit of giggles. Jen mailed me my BABY gift in a box labeled SHOT GLASSES! Can I just tell you how funny I find this! HAHAHAHAHA I love it. It is so fitting for Jen and I. I’m just glad you don’t have to tell the mail people why your sending stuff. I can see it now, yes sir these here shot glasses are a gift for my very pregnant friend, she will need them once she has two boys, one hitting her with a stick and one peeing in her eye.

Jen thanks for the laugh at 6am this morn!

My boobs are leaking some sort of goo
the veins in them are suddenly big and blue

I think my scale must be broken
I haven’t gained that much you’ve got to be joken

When I walk I waddle like a duck
Ask me if I care I don’t give a fuck

All I do is fart fart fart
Greasy foods are the way to my heart

Brownies fill me up with joy
This is one hungry little boy

One bite of food makes me stuffed
My ass looks like its been puffed and fluffed

I’ve got cottage cheese all over the place
And enough grease to make fries on my face

Every time I leak I think I’m bleeding
At least my two year old is done teething

I’m cleaning poopy diapers up to my ears
The smell makes my eyes fill with tears

My pants don’t quite fit
My new boobs are a real hit

He’s squeezing my colon and my bladder
While typing this I just got fatter

I haven’t seen my feet in a while
My dirty clothes just sit there in a pile

I have a stretch mark, there, there and there,
And down below I could probably braid the hair

My bra can’t contain my breasts
I laugh in the face of bed rest

Nesting is in full swing
I am lucky I still fit my wedding ring

I pee all night and all day
Its been so long since I’ve had a lay

Somehow chocolate will always win
Eating healthy is now a mortal sin

My shoes no longer have laces
With my two chins you would expect two faces

Every time I sneeze I pee
I’m big and grumpy don’t mess with me

My back aches and my knees are shot
I like to strut my stuff and pretend I’m hot

My ass has it’s own zip code
Seems my sons diaper always has a load

Not sure how I’m going to handle two
This will all be so new

Heartburn gets me to no end
Tums and Mylanta are my new best friend

My hair looks like an oil pit
It takes me five minutes just to sit

I can’t lay on my right side
My ass and belly are quite wide

I’ve turned into quite a bitch
My belly stretching is making it itch

I’m leaking out from down there
My husbands still skinny its not really fair

It seems I fart all day long
My ass right now would eat a thong

I can’t wait until the end
And my scars are all on the mend

And I have a beautiful little boy
That my other son will think is a toy

Having two will finally put me in my place
And if I’m thirsty I’ll open my mouth while this one pees in my face!

I’m sitting here at work right now listening to my trusty Itunes on my trusty Mac. What am I listening to? My girlfriend of course. Miss Britney Spears. Her new song I LOVE IT!!!! I LOVE IT IN CAPS, AND BOLD WITH EXCLAMATION POINTS AND A LITTLE AIR KISS!!!!! Yeah I know. Your sitting there right now saying, Really Shannon, Britney. YES BRITNEY! I love her. I don’t care if shes totally being a shit head right now, who in the fuck knows what I would do if I was suddenly handed bajillions of dollars to just piss away! Pretty sure I would walk around naked and tell you all to SUCK IT!

So not only am I listening but I’m dancing. I’m doing what I call the Shannon Bop. If I was brave I would video tape this shit, because it is, well, classic. I’m sitting in my chair, and first starts the head bop. It sort of looks like a bobble head but with less control. Then before you know it I kind of start bopping my other half, my shoulders start going up and down and the next thing I know my head is moving forward and back kind of like a goose. My feet start tapping and suddenly I start trying to wiggle my ass while it is still in my work chair. This results in my chair kind of slipping back and forth while I’m bobble goose heading with my shoulders moving up and down sort of the way Tiffany and Debbie Gibson used to do. Then I try and find some rhythm and it kind of looks the way a cooked asparagus looks in between your two fingers while you jiggle it around.

Lucky we aren’t in the car or there would be some massive air drumming going on and ultra sexy drummer faces happening.

Ha ha now how is this for a post to delurk on huh. I mean what can you really say to this besides, Shannon you fucking moron!