Back before Julia went all nutso over one stupid post I wrote and turned her whole life private I had loaned her two books. One of them was a gift from my good friend Katie. Well now I want my books back because they were pregnancy related and again one was a gift. Sooo since Julia freaked out and went all super secret private I can’t even send her a myspace message. I contacted her friend Angie and asked her to pass along the message and I sent her a cell phone text with no reply. Personally I think that when she went on her little anti Shannon mission she should have sent them back then. So what do I do? I want my books back how do I get them?
Tag: Advice
Why I blog!
Since I’ve been blogging I’ve come across the question, “Why do you blog?” I’ve never really known how to answer that. I blogged out of boredom, to be funny, to show off my son and so on.
Until yesterday I never had a real heart felt answer to that. When I started blogging the first people I shared it with, were the real people in my life. My moms response was to grammar check it and then tell me that I shouldn’t have said the things I said about myself because it could cause me to have a bad image. She was off the list. The first time my friends read it they didn’t get it and told me I was strange. They were off the list. The first time my uncle read it, he waged world war three on me because of this post. He was off the list. I had a few readers but I really wanted more. I didn’t know how to get them so I just kept writing what was on my mind, and reading other blogs and commenting.
Yesterday I wrote this post. I had a dream that I put my unborn child in an oven. Rather then being any kind of logical I immediately thought I had just predicted my childs death and cremation. YES I’m all kinds of crazy I know. The first thing I did after that dream was write about it. I wrote about the dream, and also how I had been secretly fearing my child would die all along. I finally dragged myself out of the house and went to work. My mind was in a horrible place. I was ready to call my doctor and began wondering if I should be medicated to make me stop freaking out. Finally at work I broke down. I told my my and the other girl in my office. Their response was that I needed to stop stressing so I didn’t hurt the baby. Then they said I couldn’t think that way or the baby would think I didn’t want him. Mmmhmm that is just what I wanted to hear. I turned away from them and checked my email. The first thing I found were reassuring comments from my blog friends. Then next thing I found was a comment from Patty. This woman I had never even meant before took the time to not only reply to me, not only reassure me, but to actually Google my dream and explain it to me. I was stunned. I mean yeah I had spent time Googling things for blogger friends before, but I never expected someone to say just the right thing at just the right time for me. As the day wore on I received e-mails and comments galore. What stood out to me though was that not one of them said what I was feeling was wrong or bad. In fact everyone just said, they understood, it was okay. They showed me the rational side, they made me laugh, they agreed and sympathized and so on. By the end of the day I felt like these people who had never met me had come together and picked me up in a giant hug and carried me around in their love all day.
So you ask why I blog. Here is why:
Because no matter what at any point of the day there will always be,
- One person to comment and say what you feel is right
- One person to say that everything is going to be fine
- One person to show you the rational side of things
- One person to laugh with you
- One person to help you figure out what needs figuring out
- One person to offer a hug
- One person to explain things to your dumb ass
- One person who can relate
- One person to empathize
- One person to sympathize
- One person to make you laugh
- One person who did it worse then you
- One person who tells you no matter what you write, they still love you.
This is why I blog. You may have all of these people in your life right now but how often do you have them all there at the drop of a hat saying all those things at once and reassuring you immediately? I blog because yesterday the people who read me talked me down off a wobbly ledge and let me know, it was okay to feel this way, but also let me know, theres light at the end of the tunnel. Now rather then feeling like I need to be sedated to cope with the future loss of my son, I simply feel like, well, every little thing is gonna be alright!
I blog becuase I know that if tomorrow I want to write about a huge pimple on my ass I can and I will get the following responses:
- 5 People with a bigger pimple on their ass then me
- 2 people who have two pimples on their ass
- 3 people with the perfect potion for getting pimples off your ass
- 4 people with tips on how to squish a pimple on your ass
- 7 people who will laugh about the pimple on my ass
- 6 people to let me know a pimple on my ass is small considering I’m about to have a beautiful little boy
- and 10 people who want to see a picture of the pimple on my ass.
What I won’t get is a single comment telling me it’s wrong to write about my ass pussiness, a single comment telling me it was gross or inappropriate and I really won’t get any comment that isn’t simply full of love.
So this is why I blog. I blog because now I know, that no matter what I have this whole web connection to people who are willing to pick me up and hug me at a moments notice.
So for those of you who just started out, or who have been blogging for a while and maybe you aren’t getting the comment load you want, just wait, some day when you need them most, the comments will come flooding in and it will all make sense.
And also::::
NO I don’t have a pimple on my ass, and no you can’t see it, and you over there..yeah you, please stop dreaming about my yummy pimple covered bright white cottage cheese ass….these goodies are reserved for my husband baby!
Communication…Do you remember that ole thing
Okay I am finally calm enough to talk about Angies post. To paraphrase she talked about an episode of Montel that talked about parents who disagreed on how to discipline a child. In short I will try and paraphrase with out using a string of cuss words. There was one fucker who thought slapping his fucking 7 week old babies hand to teach discipline was okay…ROT IN HELL ASS FUCK. Then there was another piece of shit who has “disciplined” his kids so great he has left bruises…OFTEN. YEAH THIS FUCKER NEEDS TO BE RAPED AND KILLED! (Hey I didn’t say I wouldn’t cuss I just said I wouldn’t make a string of cuss words).
I thought and thought and thought about this whole thing. What finally came to my mind was DID THESE ASSHOLES NOT DISCUSS THIS SHIT BEFORE MARRYING THESE MEN? I know I mean, what am I thinking, people actually talk about stuff before entering into a life long marriage and having kids, pshaw, planning and talking is so 1990.
It got me thinking about that honeymoon phase. No not the one that has shit to do with a honeymoon, you know, that other one. When you first start dating, and you say assaine shit like:
“I totally get horny cooking my man dinner every night”
“I have never had a dirty house, I’m such a great house keeper”
“Giving you back rubs is the high light of my day”
And my personal favorite, “No dear really, I LOOOOVE doing the laundry please make more.”
I think it is funny we can make all these bold statements and somehow completly miss talking about the actual important stuff. LIKE PARENTING!
I know before Rob and I were ever married we would talk about friends with kids, or us having kids and wayyy before marriage was ever discussed I made it clear NO MAN OF MINE WILL EVER LAY A FINGER ON MY CHILD. I meant business. By the time we got engaged and married Rob was well aware that touching my child would equal the fastest divorce you ever saw in your life. He agreed to this. He didn’t like it, but we talked about it to no end and he agreed. Then I got pregnant, and again we talked about discipline. This was more like a refresher course…Study guide…DO NOT SPANK SHANNONS CHILD OR A VENGEFUL PAINFUL DEATH INVOLVING LOSS OF TESTICLES WILL OCCUR.
Let me say first of all that I did openly listen to his side of the argument for spanking, I just had a better argument for not. However the best argument of all came the day our son came out. I asked him if he thought, NOW after seeing him, if he could spank Brandon. He said no. I will be the first to admit there are times I have wanted to slap the shit out of my son, but I always remember that first day, and that small fragile baby and I realize, no matter what Brandon is still smaller then me, and he still has no idea what is happening if I hit him. Thats all it takes for me to come to my senses and walk away from it all.
The point I’m trying to make is that we talked about this first! WE TALKED. The same way I imagine you would talk about other things: The decision to have kids or not, what religion to raise them, what state you want to live in and other future plans.
After reading about this show I had to wonder to myself, did these women really marry these men with out discussing discipline? Or are they simply the kind of women who just marry a man and take on their values because they are afraid to have their own identity?
Either way I have been bothered by this post since she wrote it. I realized that in the relationships around me there seems to be a high volume of people who got married with out really addressing the important things. This led me back to my post about divorce. I suddenly realized I had stumbled upon what I feel might be one of the biggest causes of divorce. LACK OF COMMUNICATION.
I looked at the relationships around me, here are a few things I realized are some fatal miscommunication inside of those relationships.
- The decision on how many children to have (in example some people adamantly want two while the other only wants one or none)
- Where to live
- Whether or not the mom can work
- Religion to raise the kids
- Time line of events (ie when to have kids, or buy a house)
- One partner not understanding the need to purchase a home instead of rentin
I’ve even noticed smaller things, things that seemingly don’t matter but build up over time.
- What flavor cake to give for your childs first birthday
- How to decorate your house
- Appearances
I started to think about a few of the things that Rob and I talked about in great detail before getting married.
- The fact that I will not leave Reno while my parents are alive
- That I do not believe in spanking
- That I want to own homes (yes plural)
- That my child will not go into day care
- That I don’t like dishes
- That I will handle the money
- That he likes a clean house (not as in dust free but not messy or cluttered)
- That he will never dust
- That there always needs to be money for a car wash for his vehicle
- That we both need separate lives as well as combined lives.
- That we will raise our child to believe what they want about religion however we will baptize them Catholic to appease his family
- That our child can make up his own mind about eating meat but I am not allowed to say mommy doesn’t eat meat because it is stinky rotten cow flesh.
- That I need Starbucks to live
- That Rob needs beer and steak to live
- That we will have a fry daddy in our house..sigh
- That I will cook what Rob likes to eat and not make him eat vegetables
I know some of these things seem small but believe me they add up. I know friends whose husbands can’t understand their wives spending money on gourmet coffee. I also know wives who don’t understand having beer or large vats of oil in their house. I also know a friend who won’t cook with certain foods because SHE doesn’t like them. This means when her husband comes to dinner he always snarfs up the food with those ingredients in them and tells me how much it frustrates him his wife won’t just make what he likes once in a while. I think a large part of the way that Rob and I were so quick to talk about all of this is the fact that I AM VERY LOUD AND TALK ABOUT EVERYTHING! I had no problems talking about everything, and asking him question after question after question about what it would take to make him happy in the long run. Oh yeah, of course I made sure to be really verbal about what it would take to make me happy in the long run to.
I guess I was so frustrated by Angies post because ruining your own life is one thing, but bringing a child into the world with out first discussing their future just boggles me. Are there things you were adamant about before getting married or having kids? Are there things you wished you had been more clear about before making a long term commitment? What about the things you did communicate that turned out to be very helpful in your future? Let me know, am I the only one out there who feels like this sort of communication is key before marriage? Or am I simply making a big deal out of nothing? Let me know!
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