Tag: Brandon

Brown so doesn’t blend with cream

So back to the potty training bit. We’ve got the whole pee pee in the potty thing down great! Now, NOW if only I could get my son to stop pooping in his undies then pulling his shorts off and flinging tiny balls of poop ALL OVER MY DAMN HOUSE!!!!!!! He totally gets that the poopoo goes in the toilet, and he tries to carry it in there after he does it and most mornings he will actually go sit in there for a good ten minutes and take a dump. However it is the six o’clock at night poop we are having the problem with. This is when he’s far to busy playing to stop and poop so he just poops while playing. This also means that if he does try and make it to the bathroom mid poop the entire bathroom will then be smeared with poop. You can see which side of the toilet seat he climbed up on, which side of the bath he leaned on, where on the bathroom rug he sat down and so on. Yeah I do a lot of washing now!

ALSO! When he has to pee now he simply pulls down his pants and runs to the bathroom. SOOOOOO that means when I’m at Old Navy shopping with him and he does this in front of three very snobby women and then takes off running across Old Navy with his dangle flopping about everywhere I get a few dirty looks. But what it really means, is the third time he does this in the same Old Navy trips I get more then a few dirty looks and also cause one little boy to ask his mommy why that little boy gets to be naked and he doesn’t! Lovely!

Finally. How do I get him to stop exclaiming Mommy Poopoo every time I go potty. It isn’t so bad unless we are at the store and he announces in a public restroom, mommy poopoo followed by me flushing and him saying bye bye poopoo bye bye…mommy did it, mommy poopoo toilet. Yeah any assvice you can give me on how to make him stop doing that would be great. Duct tape perhaps?

by Still Crazy Still Blue

He must be my son

Here is the conversation that just happened.

Two year old runs into room looks right at me and says
Brandon: Tookie mom
Mom: What cookie
Brandon: Chocolate tookie
Mom: We don’t have cookies
Brandon: (knowing full well I have a full box of fudge covered mint oreos at my desk says) Tookie MOM oweo chocolate tookie…he then grins opens his mouth as wide as possible and says oweo tookie mom ahhhhhhhhhhh as he opens his mouth again!!!!!!!!

HE MUST BE MY SON!

by Still Crazy Still Blue

Why oh why does this shit only happen to me

My son is potty training as you all know. Now. Since my son is BIG BOY he won’t have anything to do with those dinky plastic fake toilets you buy for kids. NOOOO he wants to go “potty toilet” So we let him do that for a while and finally got him this tiny Elmo seat that fit over the big seat so he would quit dunking his asshole in the toilet water.

But since my son is all about monkey see monkey do, i.e. if I wear deodorant he wears deoderant, if I brush my teeth and use my hand to put water in my mouth so does he, if daddy wets his hair in the sink, guess whose head goes in the sink and if mom wears perfume you can bet your ass my son will come to work that day smelling like flowers and fruit! Soooo that also means that when he spends a whole weekend with his older cousins who don’t use an Elmo seat that my son will now REFUSE to use the Elmo seat.

So now, not only are we dunking our ass back in the toilet bowl cuz he is so skinny, we are also shooting pee out from under the toilet seat right onto mommies cute pink seude flip flops!!!!!!!!

by Still Crazy Still Blue

WHAT ARE YOU SAYING???

Rewewol! That is what Brandon is repeating to me OVER AND OVER AND OVER! What in the fuck is he telling me? He is getting sadder and sadder as he says it because I can’t figure it out. On top of that he doesn’t seem to want to point it out or take me to it either so I’m stuck here just trying to guess. Lets see, it is none of the following:

  • Nothing on TV
  • Milk
  • Blocks
  • Chair
  • Hungry
  • Red
  • Yellow
  • Balloon

What on earth is this kid saying. I hate hate hate when I can’t figure out what he is saying. Usually when he does a new word I can see the new thing around us to figure the word out. Not this time though. He spent the night at my parents this weekend with his older cousins and between those four people he learned some very interesting things but I’ll be damned if I know what rewelowl means!

It is so frustrating watching him try and tell me, and it’s more frustrating because in return he doesn’t understand me back when I say, Honey I don’t know what you are telling me. Soooo we then spend the morning going back and forth not understanding a word the other one is saying!

Why don’t these things come with little tiny translators who sit on their shoulder like a talking parrot hmmm?

by Still Crazy Still Blue

Yeah yeah whatever

Soooo as Stephanie so graciously pointed out, I have slacked off on posting from this site for a whole 24 hours and 8 long minutes. Sooorry. Truth is I haven’t had much to talk about. I’ve been fighting with my parents over the house Rob and I are building and it is making me crazy. We started fighting Monday and I’ve been in a funk about it all week.

My house is a disaster because turning my office into a babies room has created quite the project. Since I’m not allowed to lift much this means now that there are little piles of stuff allllll over my house that my nanny left me with that I can’t lift and move. That means there are tons of new little piles for my son to destroy. That means he has strewn about 48 CD’s around my house. He found a box with old unopened bill. Do you know what he did. He opened them all and threw about 20 bills in small pieces allllll over my house! He got a hold of a red marker and painted his hands red and then went into the bathroom and dunked his hand in the toilet and smeared red ALL OVER my toilet seat. He found the Playstation games and took them all out of their cases and hid them from Rob. He found a bag of hangers from the dry cleaner and he pealed the paper in one inch pieces off every single hanger threw paper everywhere and then proceeded to throw hangers EVERY WHERE!

At work he has peeled off all the labels on the file cabinets. He fed the dog his breakfast. He fed the dog his vitamins. He fed the dog his lunch. He fed the dog some poop.

Let’s see what else. I work for a heating and air conditioning company and it is so hot in my office right now you could melt chocolate on my desk…go figure. Ooh, but I do have ice cream in the freezer. Be right back.

I’m back, seems marble slab doesn’t freeze so well. Darn! This shit is frozen rock solid which doesn’t sit to well for someone who really has zero patience so is gonna fucking throw this shit at the wall waiting for it to melt.

My husband and I had a little fight the other night. When he got home he came bearing a M&M McFlurry. He is a smart man. He was forgiven instantly.

Fucking bitch ice cream still isn’t soft.

I drove to work today and my car says I have 10 miles to go till I run out of gas. I wonder how far I’ll push it before I go get gas. Oh yeah, I have a company supplied gas card, so paying for the gas isn’t a problem, my laziness is the problem.

Last time I ran out of gas one of those neat high way helper vans pulled up right at the same time as my husband. Didja know if you run out of gas they will give you five gallons free to get you to a gas station..how nifty..to bad husband brought gas so that meant no free gas for me. Rob still laughs at me for having the highway helper guys stop and help me.

Oo ooh I got a bite. Mmmmm mocha caramel goodness.

What a boring job. Could you imagine if your job was to drive up and down the same patch of freeway alllll day long hoping someone breaks down. Sad sad lonely job if you ask me.

That reminds me of a funny memory. One time my cousin and I were driving to California. We were in my moms car. The whole way there these two dorky older guys were flirting with us. So I sped up and left em in the dust. A little ways up the road everyone starts swerving and instead of swerving too I just go ahead and run right over the giant chair in the road. In my moms car. Only problem is, chair gets stuck under the car. Brilliant. So my cousin and I pull over and hop out like two dipshits thinking sure, we’ll just pry the chair out. NOPE this shit wasn’t moving. So now we are standing on the side of the road with a look on our face like UH DUH. Right at this moment a cop drives by and as he’s driving he passes right by us and says on his speaker phone thingy… A TOW TRUCK IS ON THE WAY!

WTF her and I just watch as this cop drives by leaving two girls stranded and tells us he is sending a tow truck. Umm. What if we didn’t need a tow truck? What if we were just stopping to stretch, or stopping because, oh I don’t know we ran over a chair?

So guess who comes to our rescue? No not mr. tow truck man, instead its the two dorky guys we had made fun of earlier. They end up lifting the front of my car while my cousin beds down and grabs a hold of the chair and I put the car in reverse all at the same time. Walah we were free. We said thanks and hopped in the car and took off leaving them standing their scratching their heads. It was pretty funny. I dunno, maybe you had to be there.

by Still Crazy Still Blue

Mmm tastey

Heres a little shot of my tastey dinner last night. I was bored and in a hurry. I threw together some Boboli with olive oil garlic spaghetti sauce, fresh mozzarella, tomatoes and fresh basil….. Mmmmmm

And that is my Wusthof…every bad ass has one of those in their kitchen!!!!
by Still Crazy Still Blue

Again it gets worse

Lets keep in mind I’m pregnant here. So when my son dumps his pork flavored ramen into his fruit punch flavored Kool Aid swirls it around and then drinks the contents of said cup (think pale pink floaty noodly looking concoction) mom has a really hard time holding her own lunch in!

by Still Crazy Still Blue

Lesson 1: How to fatten up a skinny child

Step 1: Leave starving (naked) toddler alone for 2 minutes.
Step 2: Allow toddler to find him stool, push it up to counter and retrieve full tub of butter.


Step 3: Watch as toddler slathers himself, all surrounding areas and his mom in butter…He seriously ate the whole thing.


Step 4: When he finished we had to add more so toddler can get extra fat…he could also tell this was different butter but he ate it just the same.


Yup let me lick it and smoosh it and rub it. Yeah, me, my work and my child all smell like butter. Not to mention my already slippery sneaky two year old is now extra super slippery!
by Still Crazy Still Blue