I guess I should mention that Codi has been trying to potty train himself.  He does pretty good during the day.  He peed on the potty about 9 times today.  We have been so proud of him at work.  What we didn’t account for was him pooping on the floor.  In all honesty I wouldn’t even have known about it if he didn’t start screaming bloody murder because he stepped in it.  My cousin Victoria heard him crying and picked him up to clean up the poop off him and I ran to clean the poop off the floor.

The only problem was….Dylan, Katies son beat me too it.  The next thing I know I see Dylan with two giant chunks of poop in his hands.  He is squeezing it and then he takes a bite out of it as if it was an apple.  I totally fucking lost it, grabbed him and took off running.  Dylan dropped one piece of poop and I ran outside and had to pry the other piece out of his hands.  Somehow he got some lodged in his toes and all over his clothes.  I stop in front of my moms office and shout MOM MOM MOM POOP, she is totally oblivious because she is on the phone.  Dylan dropped more poop at her door.

At this point I finally get a wiff of it.  The realization that Dylan is licking poop of his lips sends me over the edge and I start gagging profusely.  Victoria sees me gag and she starts gagging.  I had to go back outside and I gagged more until I threw up and swallowed it back down.  Victoria is inside and can see me gag, I look in just in time to see her double over and gag again.

The other girl came running outside with a baby wipe.  ONE BABY WIPE.  I screamed "One baby wipe isn’t going to fucking help this go get more."  She hauled ass in the bathroom to find it covered in shit.  We got Dylans face wiped off and I took off to wash him.  The girl behind me was shouting, "take him to the sink the bathroom is covered in shit."

In my rush to the sink I stepped in the piece he had dropped earlier and went sliding across the hardwood leaving a streak of poop behind me.  Who knew poop could turn into a goddamn slip n slide? To make matters worse Dylan had a ring of poop around his mouth.  as if he had been eating chocolate ice cream.  He was still squishing it in his hands, and he actually got angry at me when I pried the remaining poop from his hands.  

After both boys were cleaned up we were able to access the situation.  Poop smeared all over the rug in my office.  Poop all down the hall, all over my shoes, Dylans clothes, the bathroom floor, the changing table, the wall by the changing table and some more on the floor. 

I got everything cleaned and called Katie to inform her that not only had her food bully son just stolen Codi’s Odwalla bar, and his pop tart, he had gone so far as to steal his poop and eat it.

Katie’s reply, "Great, so now my son eat’s shit!"

Yeah, I am pretty sure I am totally fired after this.

Poor Shoes.

My mom collects stuff.  A LOT OF STUFF.  The worst part is she will find stuff (garage sales, vacant houses, estate sales, the side of the damn road), and have no use for it, so she will just stuff it in a shed somewhere.  For years we have battled over her "antiques."  I don’t like them.  Still don’t.  However, some of the stuff I love, the stuff I classify as vintage and funky rather then old and junky.  We have battled because she is terrified to die because GASP I might not keep all of her treasures stored in their various sheds.  I’m kind of a believer that if you have something it should be SEEN!

Anyway, the point.  A few weeks back I was putzing around the garage at the office and saw my great grandmas old desk.  Hmmm.  That would look awesome in Codi’s room.  So I casually mentioned to my mom that I was stealing it.  While I was taking that I noticed a great red tin bucket thingy.  PERFECT for storing toys in Codi’s room (dammit I need to take pictures for ya’ll).  While I was in the office informing her that I was going to steal her stuff my eye caught this beautiful old vanity she had just sitting in our office holding pictures.  Add that to the list of things I’m going to steal today.  Off it went, up in my room and boy does it look great.

Fast forward to yesterday when I was in the shed getting out the next size up of clothes for Codi.  I was also in the process of cleaning out my garage and in all of my mania I got the bright idea to put a small desk in my living room so I had a place to sit and play while keeping my main desk with important info hidden in the other room.  My cousin and I come up with the idea to take the desk from Codi’s room and put it there.  I spy a cute dresser in the back of the shed and decide it will be mine.  I will put that in Codi’s room.  But then my mom mentions that if I look a little further her old desk happened to be in there to.  So I grabbed both things, took them home and wondered what to do.  First my cousin and I painted the back of the desk since it was just particle board.  Then I grabbed a cute table runner, some other crap and set it all up.  Here is the finished product.

 

 

I chose not to repaint the front because I liked all the scratches and dings.  Isn’t it purdy!

After that I still had this old dresser (I think the proper term is blanket chest) to deal with.  I was sitting at my new desk when it dawned on me.  I knew right where it would go.  I scrubbed it up and here it is.

 

Isn’t it beautiful?  I love the color and it really brightens up the whole entire room.  Plus it is tall enough that I can put out a couple pieces of my china, and the vintage green cordials that I might have also stolen from my mom.  And I can finally stick out my favorite multi colored wine glasses. You can also see some of the amazing roses I cut out in my front yard, more of my flowers to come.

My other cousin Lisa teased me last night that I was going to end up loving my moms old junk.  While I will admit I do love certain pieces I can’t say I’m going to love it all.  For now, my little blanket chest does a terrific job of storing my china and lookin fancy in my dining room!

In case you are wondering, here is my dining room table before.

Doesn’t it look a bajillion times better now?  Yes, I know, I’m a marvelous decorator! 

Of course, the thing that my china used to be in happens to be an entertainment center.  Since I couldn’t leave well enough alone I decided that needed to be moved into the man room.  Why?  Because the current entertainment has shelves in it that are wide open in back.  That means little Codi has a blast climbing through the shelves knocking the PS3 around and playing with all of the cords behind the TV.  I decided the perfect way to put the kibosh on that was to put a totally closed entertainment center in it’s place I AM A GODDAMN GENIUS!  It looks extra pretty and I am so proud of my decorating today.