Wake up. Get carried outside and go poop and pee like a good dog.
Walk inside and pee on floor.
Fart until mom throws up (or posts on Facebook that she will die from toxic dog fart poisoning).
Go someone no one will see me and pee on floor…they can find that one later.
Go outside for a quick pee. Turn that into super play time while mom worries she will be late for work.
Discover are where cats poop and set out to dig up every piece and eat it.
Laugh at the look on moms face when she sees me chewing a nugget of cat poop….she kind of looks mad and her face looks sort of queesy.
Mom tries to get me to go inside but I'm going to run next door to her work instead because I don't know where I live.
Finally follow mom home, get just about to the door and turn around and bolt back to the shop.
Get carried home…damn she wins.
Pee on door step.
Pee inside the door.
Chew on a shoe.
Get shoe taken away and a dog toy handed to me.
Hate dog toy, go in search of another shoe.
Leave another secret pee in protest of having shoe taken away.
Spill my food.
Wait just long enough for mom to drop the blanket from her mouth and fart again…worse.
Go outside to poop.
Take 20 minutes to poop.
Pee on door step because I know I'm not allowed to come inside unless I pee.
I think that she looks mad.
OOO LOOK ANOTHER SHOE.
Lay down and rest. Mom looks like she might eat, I better get up and ask to go out.
Stay outside and play just long enough for moms food to get cold.
Jump in bushes.
Roll in dirt.
Roll in spot where my brother Brandon just peed outside.
There is that barfy look on moms face again.
Run like the wind towards the cat poop.
I can fit through the fence you can't catch me woman I'm going to go in the back yard.
Take a shit right where the kids swing is.
Pee on back door matt.
Oh look a shoe outside weeeeeeeeee.
There is the cat, must chase it.
Holy shit cat is bigger then me RUNNNNNNNNNN.
Speaking of cat where is that cat poop?
Bark at dad because he went down the stairs in the laundry room and I'm afraid to go down those stairs.
Bark at mom because she went up stairs and I'm afraid of those stairs too.
Knock over my water.
Oh look another shoe.
Dammit, she got the shoe.
But I can still pee on the rug, take that lady.
One more fart for good measure.
Bark at the door because I want to go out and jump in her bushes and flowers again.
OUCH THAT BUSH HAS THORNS ON IT. (Don't attack rose bushes any more, that hurts).
Attack bush again
OUCH STILL HURTS.
Run in circles for no reason.
Find cat toy and carry in my mouth while I run in circles.
RUN FOR CAT POOP.
Pee on door step.
Pee inside door.
Get in bed and look innocent.
Oh look she found the hidden pee from this morning, bet she never takes my shoe away again muahahahahahah.
Go outside to pee and poop once more before bed time.
Fart one more time.