About two years ago Rob and I were chatting about something and it led to a conversation about some foods he used to love. He was telling me about how much he loved a ham and cheddar melt and a Scrambled egg pocket, both from Jack in the box. The next day I emailed Jack in the box begging them to bring those things back. I never heard back.

Saturday I was watching TV and I saw a commercial for Jack In The Box. I believe the croissant guy was yelling at Jack. I’m not sure all I know is that there was a guy with muffiny things on his head and giant over easy egg boobs dangling off him. The point of it was that he was mad that Jack was replacing him. Then I glanced up and saw that he was being replaced with a SCRAMBLED EGG POCKET. I was soooo fucking excited. I made a mental note to tell Rob.

So I tell him and he was like, “yeah right prove it.” Only I couldn’t find the commercial again. So I go online to Jack in the Box and guess what? No egg pocket. I pulled every Google trick I know and still nothing.

I have issues with just giving up, you know this if your ever around me when I try and remember a name or a song or a place. I will go completely insane and not stop and try Googling on my phone and inevitably I would call Katie or Ginger and they would answer to hear me shout, “OH FOR THE LOVE OF GOD WHO WAS THAT GUY WITH THE THING IN THE PLACE WITH THE STUFF??????????????????” And if they can’t figure it out, oh man. I rip out year books, and photo albums and Myspace and it’s awful.

So now picture me the next morning sitting in front of my computer furious I can find no proof that this egg pocket exists. I’ve even checked Youtube for a video of the commercial. I am hitting refresh feverishly on the Jack in the Box page hoping that suddenly the stupid NEW Angus Burger will disappear and the NEW NEW egg pocket will appear. Now I’m just mad. All I want to do is find one of these things for Rob because I know how happy it will make him. And now, since I can’t find it I am consumed with it and I just want to see his face when he bites into it.

Fuck it! I’m calling. I dial the closest Jack in the Box and the lady who answers acts like I’m a complete moron and basically shuts me down. The second guy I called was really nice, and said they would be willing to take the pita from their Chicken Fajita pocket and make me an egg pocket. I thought about it, but what if it wasn’t the same. The next place I called told me that sometimes only certain states get the limited time food.

THATS IT!!!! I’ll call California. California has everything right? I first call Atwater because we will be there this weekend. NO! Then I call Auburn because we will be driving through there NO! I call Sacramento NO!

At this point I’m feeling pretty dejected so I sit back angrily thinking I’ve imagined the fucking commercial. I am now screaming at my cousin via Yahoo Messanger when I get a brilliant idea.

I AM CALLING CORPORATE!!!!! Yes you read right. I want to find this stupid breakfast pita for my husband soooo bad I am going to call Jack in the Box headquarters. I call. I get put on hold and then it hangs up on me. I’m not deterred though I call back. And a lady answers.

(I should mention at this point I had been on hold for so long I now had to pee so I ran in to pee thinking no one would answer and right as I started to tinkle she answers so I’m now sitting on the toilet holding in my pee trying not to let it echo, asking this lady about breakfast foods)

Lady: Thank you for calling Jack in the Box, what can I do for you?
Shannon: Hi, Ummm I have kind of a stupid question
Lady: Okay
Shannon: I think I saw a commercial for a scrambled egg pocket, the one where the guy with the over easy egg boobies was yelling at Jack, umm but I have called a bunch of Jack in the boxes and no one seems to have it
Lady: Well umm sometimes it is only in certain places
Shannon: So I’m right, right, you really do have it
Lady: Hang on, do you mean the southwestern scrambled egg pocket
Shannon: YES YES THATS IT
Lady: Yeah it looks like it is only certain places
Shannon: Well um, can you maybe tell me where, because my husband REALLLLLY wants one and I can’t find it in my town so can you please just tell me where to go to get one?
Lady: Uhhh hang on…ma’am it looks like it is only in San Francisco.
Shannon: So it is in California
Lady: Yes but only in San Francisco. It is going through what is called a testing phase. We release it in a big city and see what happens.
Shannon: So at what point will we know if it does good on testing
Lady: ???????????? (Now making post it note signs to show her friends that reads THIS LADY IS FUCKING NUTSO)
Shannon: So then if it passes how long until it is here in Reno
Lady: ?????????????
Shannon: I mean it will go nation wide right? How will I know?
Lady: Um it is in testing phase we really don’t know until then, but if it passes it has a chance to be on our menu permanently
Shannon: Okay fine bye

(Can I just point out what a long conversation this was considering I was still holding in my tinkle and still sitting on the toilet)

So now I’m sitting here totally aggravated because I can in no way afford a trip to San Francisco. And what if it doesn’t do good and my husband never gets to eat it again? I text his brother immediately who lives in SF and tell him he must go buy egg pockets right now. BUY LIKE 10 A DAY! Something anything, just make this thing pass testing.

I guess the point of this blog is to reach out to any readers I may have in San Francisco and beg you to please go buy this stupid egg pocket so it can pass the test and make it here to Reno.

I think my husband feels about this thing the same way a lot of people feel about that McRib thingy. How they get super excited when it comes back for a limited time. It is how I felt when Burger King got rid of the mushroom swiss burger and I could no longer get a mushroom swiss veggie burger and had to settle for a regular veggie burger. (side note for my veggie lovers, Burger King is genius and has Morning star veggie burgers on their menu).

How about you, do you have anything you miss? Any favorite foods that have gone away that you wish would come back?

Yesterday I wrote a quick email to Ginger.

“Hey have you checked out this website http://www.epicurious.com/?

And then I sat there for a moment, and I changed the email to;

“Hey have you checked out this website http://www.epicurious.com/? It’s got neat recipes.

Because suddenly I realized one might glance at the link to that page and wonder, why is my good female friend sending me a website about being epicurious, and just what is epicurious. And then I promise I didn’t google the word epicurious just to see if maybe it was something funny and naughty and find out it wasn’t, and then feel like more of a loser for being embarrassed to type a word that meant nothing.

I’ve written about this before, but it is my blog and I want to again. About 1.5 years ago, I sat down in front of my computer and logged on to an old blog called Mom’s Daily Dose. It is gone now but it was awesome. One day there was an entry about a woman who was about to deliver a little baby boy ANY MINUTE. I was excited and strolled over to check it out and was met with a picture of ROCKSTAR BABY NATE. I was excited for this woman and then I walked away. Then on January 1st I sat down and something made me click back on her. I was directed here. There used to be so much more on the website and I read all of it. Then I started from day one of her new blog and read every single entry. Then I went and bought Kleenex because I had just used every box in my house. And after that I watched this, and it became apparent that there wasn’t a tissue factory big enough to help me. Anyway for reasons I’ve mentioned a bajillion times reading Karlas story in some way, has saved me from myself. I will forever be grateful and in reality she will never know how much her and Ava (and Mark, and Samson, and Naterbug too) have helped me.

Back to the point. As you can see here every year Mark and Karla and now Naterbug release balloons for Ava. So. I really can’t remember (forgive me) if Karla invited all of us to release a balloon for Ava on her birthday or if I just decided I was doing it but last April 14th I decided to buy a birthday balloon and release it. There was just one problem. I had a little baby with me, who thought that the balloon was BANDONS BAWOON!! So it spent the night in his room and the next morning on the 14th I cleverly snuck in his room got the balloon and snuck outside and released the balloon. I looked up just in time to see Brandon lose his shit entirely because I just let his balloon go. Well shit. So I went and got him, brought him back outside and explained that, that particular balloon was for another little girl and we had to let that one go.

(In fact I just went back to that post and looked at it and here is my comment on it,
Misguided Mommy said…Okay it is 6:16AM I have just released a mylar care bears happy birthday ballooon. My son is currently having a melt down pointing at the sky saying uh oh baooon uh oh baooon..Now I have to go to the store and buy him a new balloon because he is so devistated. It’s okay though it was for a good purpose. Ava is going to be overwhelmed with joy with all of her balloons.

April 14, 2007)

This presented a new problem, from that moment on, Brandon was obsessed with letting balloons go. To this day if Brandon gets a hold of a balloon he immediately shouts I WANNA LET GO. Thus began his love affair with helium. At my work we have a helium tank and countless times we have filled balloons and then he has run right outside and let them go. COUNTLESS TIMES we have gone to the store and spent $5.00 on a Mylar character shaped balloon just so he can let it go.

Here is the thing. Until right now, NO ONE has known why I secretly let Brandon do this. At this point most of my family is cool with letting him release the cheap little balloons but no one knows why I let him send Cookie Monster, and Singing Elmo, and Purple dinosaur balloons. But now you know. In some twisted way I feel at peace watching him let his balloons go. I feel like he is sending a present to this little tiny girl he will never know. And in my mind, letting him blow $5.00 to send a balloon up to sweet little Ava is priceless compared to what Ava and her family have done for me. So every time my husband gives me a raised eyebrow look over buying a balloon, or my friends think I’m nuts for letting him get some over priced balloon, well, now you know.

So now, the world knows my little secret. Now everyone understands why it is I never argue when Brandon asks for a balloon at the grocery store. Now people understand why I sometimes stand out there and watch the balloon silently seeing how far away it will go. How I’m totally memorized by the fact that they have yet to ever disappear fully out of my line of site. And now people will know why it is I think my son has this secret little angel friend watching out for him, that I also swear he used to see when he was smaller. And now people understand why even though I have a boy, I sometimes let him buy that over girly flowery balloon, because in my mind I think Ava would have liked it.

Anyway this year on the 14th I will again release a happy birthday balloon, but this year Brandon will do it with me, and I won’t have to sneak it out of his room, it will be something we do together. And, if Karla doesn’t mind, I want to invite all of you to release one too. Because in my mind, I’m convinced those balloons float straight up to heaven and somewhere one little girl has a whole room full of balloons from people around the world who love her, and really, what little girl can’t use some sort of token to show just how loved she is by the entire world.

P.S. Ava if you are reading this, I’m really really sorry about the time Brandon sent you a giant potato balloon. I tried to talk him into a Dora balloon or possibly even a congratulations on your new job balloon, but he was hell bent on sending you a GIANT potato shaped balloon with arms and legs and everything. So, yeah, about that, I’m very sorry for the potato balloon!

Also sorry if this bag is rambly but, I’m trying to write this with Codi bouncing on me and Brandon shoving Cheetos in my mouth. And I I just really really wanted to make sure I posted this with enough advanced notice for every single one of you to go buy a balloon.

And again, Karla, like I’ve said a million times, I’m just so thankful for clicking your link that day. I’ve realized that if I ever bumped into you on the street I would probably have a reaction similar to 12 year old Shannon running into any one of the New Kids on the Block, or maybe even similar to 26 year old Shannon running into Justin Timberlake only, I would try and not lick you…but, you know, I can’t make any promises about the no licking thing.

I don’t much feel like discussing this so you all are going to get the extreme cliffs notes version of what I’m about to ask and say!

I have a brother and a sister. Whoah. Shocker huh. Actually I have a half brother and sister. My dad remarried a witch when I was younger and produced 2 kids. Nick and Makala. The witch basically hated me. This meant that any time I called she suddenly had a desire to vacuum right where my dad was standing, which was odd because her floors were never clean. I digress. My theory is that she married my dad, had her kids and wanted that to be her family and for him to move on from me and be only part of her new family, that or the fact that clearly my dad loved me more then he would ever love her and thus she hated me with a vicious passion and made no effort to hide it! Next.

My dad killed himself when I was twelve. I’ve moved on from this. I went through a million phases, and finally I’ve settled on saying, as a parent, I COULD NEVER NEVER DO THAT TO MY CHILD, and because he did that to me, well, I pretty much don’t consider him to be any more then a sperm donor. He didn’t shape who I was, he didn’t make me who I am, he didn’t teach me lessons, he did nothing but walk away. Next.

When he died he left behind a 3 year old daughter, and an almost one year old son. Oh and me. My brother, Nick really wouldn’t remember me, and looking at Brandon and realizing he is only about 5 months younger then my sister, I can’t imagine him remembering anyone today 15 years from now. My sister loved me though. Since her name was Makala and she was sometimes called Kayla she took to calling all people Mi this Mi that so I became MiShannon. This turned into calling me MyShannon later in life. We had a blast, I loved having a sister, we would go to the park and play and one of my favorite memories is her putting my step moms thong on and pulling the legs up over her shoulders and telling me it was her super hero suit. Next.

The point to all of this is, I have not seen them since the Christmas after my dad died. The witch decided that she did not want any of my dads family to be part of her family. She moved to California and cut us all off. This is where I develop a problem. My grandma spent the remainder of her life broken over losing her son and also coping with the fact that she would never get to see her grand kids again. She had their address and sent cards and money and presents and they all went unanswered.

Once, I got the witches phone number and I called her. I told her I wanted to meet them. She informed me they were not my family, we were nothing to them, they didn’t need me and that she told them he got sick and died and never wanted them to know the truth. Next.

My sister is about to be 18 (or already is but I don’t think so). This means, that basically at this point I can contact her no matter what the super witch says. And for a long time I thought I wanted to. But then I thought, what is the point? So. Here are my cases for and against contacting my sister and brother. I now have all of their info, know where they live, their phone number and so on.

PRO contacting family:

• I strongly feel like someone should tell them who their dad really was, that he loved AC/DC and named his dog Angus, after the lead singer, that he loved working outside and used to put baby oil in his hair to lighten it in the summer, he loved fishing out at Pyramid lake, he loved peanut butter chocolate shakes made with vanilla ice cream, chocolate syrup and peanut butter NOT peanut butter and chocolate ice cream, and he loved Kraft singles. They should know their dad was the kind of guy who when he was little thought school was so important he would drive his brothers and sisters to school when his mom was sick, and he was only 12. Or how he went around to the neighbor ladies and asked to do odd jobs to earn money to buy groceries for the family, and some jam for his mom to have on her bread.
• I really feel like they deserve to know they have family out there. Who doesn’t want to have more family. Think of all the presents and cards and money they missed out on when they were younger.
• I feel like they deserve to know who they are and why they are that way. I bet they love a certain song, or a certain food and they have no idea why.

AGAINST contacting family

• I’ve moved on from them. I don’t miss them, I don’t consider them my family, I don’t know them. 18 years old and 26 years old is awfully old to force a friendship.
• How pissed off would I be to be skating through life thinking everything was good and then BAM I find out my dad killed himself, my mom lied and I have a whole entire other life out there.
• How angry would I be if 14 years from now someone went and shattered my sons life. I WOULD FUCKING KILL THEM. So on one hand I can really understand the mother bird instinct the witch felt when she chose to lie to them.
• Bearing the burden of having a dad kill himself is a lot to take. I went through so many emotions, and I also realized that I would always have that mental impairment in my family. While it is always there, I don’t know if it would have ever been as strong or as prevalent if I didn’t know my dad killed himself, I also don’t know if I would have thought about suicide as much as I did (side note, now that I have kids I will never ever ever think of that ever again, because my sons are more important then any selfish bullshit I’m dealing with in my head…end rant).
• What is the point. We don’t know each other, we don’t live close, it wouldn’t be like I imagined for years where I was 17 and I went and got my little sister and took her to the mall shopping. I have kids now, shes out of high school her big sister is a grown up mom who is a boring fuddy duddy.
• I’ve basically removed myself from that side of the family. When my grandma died I decided to detach from that. While I stay in touch with his sister my aunt, I more consider her a great friend then a relation to that family, probably because she is a slight out cast also. Honestly, if it wouldn’t be totally futile at this point, I would have my dad (stepdad whatever) adopt me so I could just get rid of the man who left me for good.
• I wouldn’t be able to not tell them about their dad. He died by his own hand, not because he was sick. He loved drugs, he couldn’t be faithful, he went AWOL from the army, he didn’t pay child support, he couldn’t always hold a job, and he was a total mental basket case (see I have a family history, honestly that whole entire side of the family is mental, I didn’t have good odds of coming out not mental.)

So. My mom feels like I should contact them. She feels like it’s time for me to share the burden and weight I’ve felt for years. It’s time for my sister and brother to know who their dad was. Because when he wasn’t doing drugs and killing himself he was a pretty neat guy. He had great taste in music and was kind of fun. Like I said, I’ve reached a point in my life where I would be totally fine never knowing these people. However, some tell me that knowing them is the right thing to do because they are my family. I just can’t justify in my mind destroying some kids lives, making these kids angry at their moms, and shattering the whole world they have always known.

Weigh in on this. Have you ever had a similar situation? Do you think I should contact them? Should I forget they exist? What are all of your opinions on this whole thing?

Growing up, music was important to me. I have songs that go with every moment in time in my life. A vast majority of the music I listen to comes from my moms era. I was lucky to have a mom who was young so that her music is still cool and still played on the radio here in town on our local chanell KOZZ. I believe it’s called classic rock. One of the coolest parts of this though, is since she actually listened to the albums she knew all of the cool hidden songs or the songs on the B sides. A few of my favorites growing up were:
Rolling Stones- Beast of Burden
Tom Petty- Here comes my girl
Dier Straights- So far away from me
Van Morrison- Stoned me
and presenting one of my all time most favorite secret songs ever

How about you, do you have any favorite old songs, or song from your child hood that you just can’t get over?

Ginger wrote this post yesterday. I’m going to stop here while you go and read it AND COMMENT ON IT! Seriously, read it first so that my post makes sense, and also, maybe then I will seem, ummm, less Suzy Messmaker and more Suzy Homemaker compared to her.

Okay so you’re back now huh. Was that pretty funny? Did you comment? If not, go back! So! Ginger was talking about how she needed a man who did dishes. And I’m all psssh I got that babe. I even got a man who does his own laundry and the whites. Ummm but, that leaves me with ….

Annnnd I can hear my mom sighing SHANNNNNNNNNONNNNN I TAUGHT YOU BETTER all the way over here. Those would be clean clothes. Seems I have no problem getting them in the washer. I do have a minor problem getting them in the dryer meaning I usually rewash most loads once before they make it in the drying. (My mom is really shaking her head now). But once they get out of the dryer, well then we have a problem. I find myself just staring at them willing them to fold themselves. And then I will finally fold them and stare at them again willing them to put themselves away. However, as you can see from above, well, the laundry and I, we haven’t been getting along so well lately. (My laundry only, the kids clothes are all done and folded and sorted and organized).

In my defense!!! I had actually been doing really good at folding clothes which is why all the kids clothes are folded and put away and my jeans are folded. However, most of that basket is clothes that are too big for me and I just don’t feel like folding them just to not wear them. But I don’t want to get rid of some of it because fat girl tank tops are really great lounge clothes. So until I make a decision about what to keep and what to sell then I will keep staring angrily at that damn basket.

I’m also doing sort of an experiment. I learned once on one of those clean house shows that you should do something with everything in a room ie put all your cooking stuff in a box. Then pull out something as you use it and put it away. At the end of six months or a year (so you’ve now passed every holiday and event) you agree to give away all the unused stuff in a box. I did this once and I ended up with soooo much stuff to garage sale that was just cluttering my drawers. I did this with my closet too, where I turned the hangers the other way and then when I wore something I hunt it back up on the hanger facing the right way. In the end the stuff with hangers that were never turned got put into the sell pile. I am now kind of doing this with my drawers. Since I don’t have a lot of clothes I mean seriously that basket is all of my jammies, most of my shirts, shorts, and lounge clothes, I don’t have much. My plan is that in 2 weeks anything left in the basket will be sold. I already refilled the basket and when I did I looked at what was left in there after the first week and sure enough it was just a bunch of maternity or really big shirts and sweats that are to big to even be comfy anymore.

I figure since it is spring and I’ve been spring cleaning that I would finally for reals spring clean my closet and drawers. I’m sick of opening them and thinking they are full and realizing I won’t wear any of whats in them. So while I will always suck at folding my clothes and putting them away I have made an effort to get better at it.

Do you have any hidden household secrets. Like you never scrub your toilet, or you don’t dust picture frames. Share with me your “dirty laundry.”