HOLY SHIT HE ATE

When Brandon was a baby he ate everything. By everything I mean EVERY SINGLE THING YOU FED HIM. One of his favorite foods was the YoBaby yogurt. He actually used to call it Honcrean. No one got this but me. You see we would always say “Are you hungry” and offer him yogurt. He couldn’t say hungry so he said Honcrean instead. For almost a year no one understood that he meant yogurt when he said that but me. I never corrected them or informed them because I enjoyed being the only one to know that word and the only one to always show up with exactly the right food while they all scratched their heads.

When Codi came along I figured he would be like Brandon. I quickly learned Codi hates food. Here is a quick list of things I have tried to feed him unsuccessfully:
Rice cereal, oatmeal, all baby food, home made roasted butternut squash, mashed potatoes, boiled potatoes, roasted potatoes, organic 3 cheese tiny raviolis, spaghetti (he did eat about 6 noodles ONE TIME ONLY), baby yogurt, adult yogurt, cheese, chicken, hot dogs, bread, toast with butter, cream cheese and jelly (all no), macaroni, cous cous, peaches, cherry’s, strawberries and so on.

Things he has successfully eaten: Dry cereal, Organic vanilla cookies, tortilla chips, organic ritz type crackers and saltines, watermelon, grapes (cut in half no skin), cantaloupe, chocolate covered pretzels (ahem papa grrr), french frys (ahem grandma grrr) and ice cream. That is all the little shit will eat. Oh and breast milk.

He will not take formula or milk. He likes water, no loves water, and will sip some apple juice and water and that is it. Every few days I try again, I attempt to offer him something. All week I’ve been offering my yogurt. NOPE! Then this morning I offered it and he ate it. But it was at the very end so I ran out. Not wanting to stop the eating I ran and grabbed Brandons Organic kids yogurt. It was actually one of their Yo Kids Squeezers (their version of GoGurt), cherry flavor. He ate that shit up!

I love this stuff. You can browse their website here. They are only 60 calories so for adults they are a terrific healthy snack that satisfies a sweet craving, plus they taste like fruit not Red 3 and Yellow 4. The ingredients are readable (Rather, their recipe: Organic reduced fat milk, naturally milled organic sugar, organic tapioca starch, organic cherry juice from concentrate, natural flavor, organic carob bean gum, pectin, carrageenan, organic beet juice concentrate (for color) Vitamin D3.) and my favorite part is their slogan NO YUCKY STUFF. I’m thrilled that Codi picked something to eat and that it was HEALTHY!

However, I’m no idiot, I know that since I went and spoke of this eating out loud Codi will of course NEVER EAT YOGURT AGAIN! I’m interested to see what the future holds. Brandon my little vacuum now eats next to nothing. I thank my lucky stars for pre-school because the monkey see monkey do effect has at least encouraged him to try new things. What I do know is HE HATES SALAD! I wonder, if Codi will end up eating everything when he is older since the little shit refuses to eat anything now.

I am lucky that for the most part both of my kids like fruit. I think that is because we always have it around and I’ve always offered Brandon fruit before anything. Codi hates bananas but so far Brandon eats almost any fruit. We all love grapes though. I keep those on hand always because I have a mega sweet tooth and grapes are so sweet that if I pop a handful of those in my mouth the sweetness curbs any desire for candy or cookies. Brandon likes em because they pop and Codi likes em because they feel good on his teeth. I also love to freeze them. Frozen grapes are soo good. They don’t get solid, they turn a little softer then Popsicles and end up tasting like little whole fruit mini Popsicle bites. Anyway I guess even though Codi won’t eat real meals I am glad the things he generally gnaws on are mostly good for him.

Have any of you had this problem? How did you get your kids to eat? This is totally new territory for me since my first kid was a hoover. Tell me your tips and secrets and full proof kid meals that babies will undoubtedly eat. I am going to reattempt roasted butternut squash with a little cinnamon and Agave Nectar tonight but cube it up and see if he just mashes it or if he eats it.

It is always the babysitter

Continuing my diary tales

Hello. I love Mike but I love Scott ____ and Tom _____ all exactly the same. Well I am so confused about who I should like more.
Tom=I’ve known him forever he’s real cute and is sweet has a great sense of humor and smile.

Mike= So fine, is my boyfriend, is sweet.

Scott= is cute, has a devil smile, is hella sweet sometimes.

I’ll decide somehow.

Dont you like how under Mikes list of qualities I actually had to remind myself that he was, you know, MY BOYFRIEND!

Note to self, you can flirt but that is it.”

Mike has these two sisters and when his parents go out of town they call Loretta the Super baby sitter! Well every time shes not there he says I love you but when she is all he says is bye. And if I don’t hang up he says if you have 2 go then hang up, usualy he says no don’t hang up please but when she is there he just says goodbye. When he went out with Katie T and Jenny he flirted with me he just cant stick to one girl.

First I love how I’m accusing him of not sticking with one person. Second, I have no idea if he really ever did anything with the baby sitter, but I do know years later while I was working at Macys I sold him a dress for the girl with him WHO WAS NOT HIS GIRLFRIEND.

Well whats up? I think I’m going to break up with Mike he is smothering me.

I don’t know if it was as much him smothering me or his mom who would run into the bedroom randomly and yell HAND CHECK! Or who made us watch movies with him on the couch and me ten feet over there in the chair.

Okay here’s the deal. I’m in love with Tom and Scott but I want to go out with Trevor.”

So guess what I pierced my ear all the way up to the top and so did Ginger. Then I went out with Trevor for 2 days but I dumped him. I really like Chad, Kieth, Andy, Scott and Tom but I will never get them.

Guess what I’m going out with Ryan

He dumped me it’s over

Ryan is so sweet after he dumped me he called to make sure that I was okay and everything was good so now I feel much better cause I was really sad but now I know hes so sweet and hes real shy so that had to have taken a lot of couarage for him to do.”

What the fuck was I thinking? Oh he called me to make sure I was okay LAME!

This is so cool I’m going out with Ryan again.”

Obviously not lame enough huh.

I’m still in love with Tom. He ruined my life totally, nothing is the same. I mean if he was never here everything would be great. Life is okay here not the best, I’m still going out with Ryan although I like Justin more I found a new favorite song called Wonderful.

Update I’m still with Ryan but I really really like Joe.”

Okay so first of all. Mike. That kid was sooo weird. All I remember about him was that his mom made him chew this wierd all natural sugar free gum so he always tasted like that. I also remember that his mom hid the gum in the cabinet. When we had our first kiss it was in the third row seating of his parents suburban driving around looking at Christmas lights. It never occurred to either of us that his dad could TOTALLY see us in the rearview mirror. The kicker is his sister was sitting next to me holding my hand. In my other hand was my gum which somehow melted and ended up stuck all over me and my jeans. He slobbered a lot, worst first kiss ever.

Andy was a total rebel, even to this day I think he was cute for a 7th grader. My mom hated him. Justin ended up being my crush for the next fivish years. I eventually hooked up with him and that relationship takes up an entire diary.

Ryan was super weird. He used to chew on ski wax while we talked and he cried a lot.

Trevor had really red hair. After I dumped him I believe I called him lizard tongue and possibly fire crotch. I was not nice huh?

But I love him

A while ago Swistle started this hilarious recount of her old diary’s. We have all left comments about how we wish we had our old diary’s too. Well, I DO! I have all 10 of them. In fact I have diary’s from about 4th grade all the way up until I married my husband. And then I basically started blogging. I thought it might be fun to post some of my old stuff like her. I liked this idea for a couple reasons, One of them is that then no one could assume anything I was writing was bashing them, about them, revolving around them, directed toward them or hinting at them because it was written like 13 years ago and man, if you think my diary posts from 7th grade are some how subliminaly directed toward you, well you’ve got problems. I also thought it would be funny because a lot of my friends read my blog so they will know the guys I talk about in these entries and since that also means they know what the guy looked like, well then for them it is extra funny.

I haven’t written much lately simply because I was sick of hearing that everyone thought I was secretly talking about them. It got old over thinking every word wondering if someone could read into it. It is funny, I even posted something on the Tummy Tuck blog the other day where I said I would not jump on the bandwagon and do the 30 Day Shred because personally I don’t like it. I was sitting on the couch last night chatting with my cousin when it occurred to both of us that at least one person out there was going to assume I was talking about/bashing/making fun of them. I know about ten people doing the Shred right now so clearly I must have been talking about all ten of them right? In fact I was simply mentioning that I personally did not want to do it. So I did something unlike me, I went back and wrote a new post making sure that everyone knew that I have nothing against the Shred and that if any of my dieting friends out there wanted to do it they should. Inevitably I’m sure someone out there is still so vein they will assume I’m bashing them now, in these very words, which is why I’ve decided to start posting up diary entries for a while. So maybe everyone can just go ahead and move on and stop wasting so much fucking time reading between lines that aren’t there.

With out further ado I present my first diary entry which is MORTIFYING because it seems that I LOVE EVERYONE! This was all during the time where I didn’t believe in dating my pages or starting new pages for each entry. So some entries blend into each other, and some I can only tell apart if I switched pens or writing styles. I also used to write five or six times in one day because I had my own phone line so my dating status was changing as often as my phone could ring.

Jeff asked me out so I’m happy. Scott is mad at me but Tom isn’t so I’m real happy isn’t that cool. I want to kiss him so bad so tomorrow I’m going to hug him.

I should mention that at this point I was not kissing boys. In fact there is an entire 300 pages before this dedicated to the fact that one boy would not date me because I didn’t kiss him the last time we hung out and if I had just kissed him we would totally be together. Up until now I had only kissed one boy, one time and I totally fucked it up*. You also need to know that Scott and Tom are mega reoccuring themes in my journal because I totally LOVED them for about 400 years!

“Wuz up? Not much here. Today wuz so awesome I can’t help but brag ________ is so pissed off at me and Jeff and so its like awesome and were really in love.”

Hello wuz up? nnothing much here. So I’m going out with Jeff but I really like Seth and Scott and Tom. They are just friends now and Billy is finally gone forever. I hate this it is just not fair. I totally need Billy to live but he is gone. I will always remember him as my first kiss*. Billy I really love you and want you to love me so please come back because I need you very badly.

In case your confused, yes I’m still dating Jeff and no I still haven’t kissed more then one boy. Billy wasn’t gone gone like moved, we were fighting, and don’t you love how I embarrasingly croon away to Billy as if he is going to magically pick up my diary and read it and come running back to me? Also, I don’t rememer who Seth is in the above entry.

Hello tomorrow I’m goign to give Jeff a kiss when I see him. Cool we are going to computers next and i want to sit with him and you know become real close with him and last a long time.”

Tomorrow I am for sure going to kiss him

Jeff really likes me I’m so happy. I love Jeff so much he says we will last for a year that would be so perfect.

I’m in love with Jay and Tom they are so awesome. Oh I dumped Jeff cool I’m free. I need a real boyfriend that is awesome and nice and cool and not prude so I guess that eliminates all the rest.”

Poor Jeff. We only went out one week. He was way to dorky for me though. I would post a picture of him, but he is so dorky I think it would be kind of mean for him. Did you like how one moment we were totally lasting a year and then I’m like oh yeah I dumped Jeff. I was such a sweet heart huh. Also after all that I still never kissed him.

And finally you get this.

I love Jay but I like that oy Mike in eighth grade and Andy but mom would kill me for being with him cause he hangs with Tom H. so that sucks. I’ll probably end up with Mike so I’ll love that.

Okay he likes me but is going out with Katie T. so if they break up I’ll be there for him if he needs it cause I really truly love him unlike Katie. She jsut want a guy unlike me, I want love and him.

It’s for sure, he’s fallen into my trap and he loves me for sure. Hes written me notes even from his house witch means he thinks about me. I’m so stoked.

Well me and Mike are going out with each other and we went to a movie and he hugged me through the whole thing. Details tonight.

Were going out and its so bad (bad in a good way) we went to the movies and he put his arm around me and held me and squeezed me. Bye the end of the movie he had both arms around me and was hugging me and holding both of my hands.

Stay tuned to next time for the coolest scanned diary entry image every known. We will also discover how long Mike and I date and find out what cool new presents I got that week. And also, what exactly was my boyfriend doing with his little sisters baby sitter?

A quick what the fuck

I’m looking for some stuff to set up my new office. I need some file folders and a couple boxes for the top of my desk. Of course I’m going to go somewhere cheap like TJ Maxx and see what I can find. However first I checked out my lover Target. I go into office supplies and discover this:

Let’s read a little farther shall we:
• This eco-friendly product features paper made from recycled elephant waste fibers
• Includes an informational pamphlet on elephants and the making of this product
• Rectangular Stationery Set
• Features Blank Cards
• Includes 6 Pieces of Paper , 6 Envelopes
• Includes Portfolio

Uh huh. You read right PAPER MADE FROM SHIT! WHAT THE FUCK TARGET!