It is delurking day! Yay. So stop by, leave me a comment let me know you are here and I’ll come by and repay the favor!

The other night I went to Babies R Us with Katie. While shopping I noticed the Nuby Sippy cups I had been wanting to try out for Codi. Tossed some in the cart, grabbed some apple juice and other “necessary” items and off we went. 20 minutes later I finally left the parking lot. Why? Because that is how long it took me to open the goddamn fucking packing on the new slut cups. Seriously. I tried everything. I tried chewing through it. Sawing the plastic with my keys. Prying it with my fingers (hello paper cut thanks for that). NOTHING. Finally I bent one of the little handles and that bitch popped out. I was so fucking mad. The whole time I was fussing with it I was on the phone with my mom who clearly thought I was in some sort of bad mood. Which, I WAS BECAUSE HELLO THEY ADULT PROOFED MY FUCKING SIPPY CUP. You know, I get child proofing things, but seriously what is the fucking point of adult proofing shit? I mean, really how much can an adult woman injure herself with a goddamn cup?

In other news I’m baby sitting Katies baby Dylan until April. he is a good baby. Like a really good baby. The only time he ever cries is when he is hungry. And then, whoah, he’s a good cryer, tears and all but we barely even see him cry since we have this whole breast milk thawing thing down to a science. We keep water boiling on low and then pour it over the milk baggie in a bowl and about 14 seconds later we have a bottle. Since Dylan wakes up all smiley we usually have plenty of time to make a bottle before he even gets mildly annoyed. Anyway the point is, today I’m home with both of them instead of at work. Why? Because Codi is still being a fucking demon spawn and cries if he can’t see me, or if the wind blows wrong. Well today they are in a farting competition. Every ten seconds one of them farts. Codi is adding some flair by doing a squat fart or a kick fart. Either way it stinks and someone bring me a gas mask k! Did I mention that Katies child is a tank? He can go through 20 oz of milk from 11am until 4pm AND STILL BE HUNGRY. We call him tank, or moose. Y’all his thighs are almost as big as mine. I have been watching him for 3 weeks now and I am still not exactly sure how many thigh rolls he has. Either way he is really good and I love watching him…minus the farting part.

(Dylan looks this happy ALL THE TIME PEOPLE)

Oh and then there is this. This is portraits of a SUCKER!

Normally Brandon eats hot lunch at school. This is because his first teacher suggested doing what other kids did so he didn’t feel left out. Only, now at his new school all the kids pack lunch. So, this week we have been packing lunch. My mom said she was running to Walmart and asked if I needed anything. I asked for some Strawberries for Brandons lunch. She came home with this.

Yes. Those are tiny bags of tiny marshmallows. They come in regular, strawberry or chocolate. And yes those are tiny bags of Dora cookies and I swear don’t even get me started on the fruit roll ups and scooby snacks. This is a dieters nightmare, which I assume is why she came home with 100 calorie packs for me too. She said that Papa and Brandon got a little crazy in the snack isle. A LITTLE CRAZY, MY GOD THEY BOUGHT THE WHOLE DAMN STORE! Can’t take those two anywhere, and my mom totally lets them get away with it too!

I for see a lot of fighting going on at lunch time now. I mean seriously, imagine being the kid whose mom packed some shitty sandwich and chips and then looking over into Brandon’s lunch box. Today he had organic Bernie O’s in his little crayola thermos. Organic milk in his favorite cup. Organic string cheese. Gogurt in cotton candy blue flavor (can’t all be organic right). Mini chocolate marshmallows and fresh cut strawberries. This week he has had spaghetti, mini pancakes with syrup for dipping, sliced cheeses, etc. I am dreading the first time some kid sees Dora cookies in Brandon’s lunch box and tries to trade him for shitty carrot sticks or something.

And finally. This weeks theme at school was dental hygiene. So for show and tell Brandon brough each of his friends two of his favorite flossers. Pink and orange for girls and blue and green for boys, all bagged up pretty. My mom and him bought and bagged these last night while I stayed home dealing with the SCREAM MONSTER!

I’m very tired because Codi didn’t go to bed until 3:20 this morning. Then at 3:27 my goddamn cell phone rang. They left a message that consisted of dead air. I made Rob go get my phone because Codi had just passed out on me. He got it and I was so fucking mad to find out I didn’t know who it was and their message was fake. Dude, if you are going to call me at 3:30 in the fucking morning you better be dying or well, DYING! Codi woke up every half hour after that so I’m tired and this post is probably full of grammatical errors.

P.S. while I was typing this Dylan blew out his diaper and pooped all the way up to his armpits (serious) and all over his clothes! That’s what I get for saying how good he was.

I just posted a couple great chicken recipes over on the food blog. Hop on over and see!

So I’m still here. I’m done dying. I’m just, ummm, kinda flopping around like a fish out of water but definitely not dying. I went to the doctor finally for some drugs and it went like this.

Doctor: Okay so you are wheezing, have a terrible cough and for sure need some antibiotics. So here have some Augmentin.
Me: Okay
Doctor: How about some cough syrup with Codine? Nope never mind your nursing. How about something for your vertigo, let me check.
(Checks THREE different drugs and finds that no I can’t take fucking any of them)
Doctor: Wow that is pretty sad, life sucks for you right now. Hmmm, I can’t even give you an inhaler for the wheezing. This is terrible. First you have to be pregnant and now your nursing which makes you stuck being able to take nothing.
Me: Yeah tell me about it huh.
Doctor: Okay aha this pill says it is safe, but it has a very low rate of working for vertigo, but it’s only $4.00 so why the hell not try it.
Me: Sounds promising thanks!

I came back to work only to find out Codi has what I had. Since he is a boy that obviously means he is the most whining, sad, angry, MAN about this whole thing. Seriously, I can see the Rob coming out in him with this one, because y’all my husband realllly goes all out when he is sick with the whining. If Codi keeps it up I will need to call the whambulance soon.

In other news I’m doing great with my fitness and diet goals already this year. However, I’m smart enough to ask in advance WHERE THE FUCK ARE ALL THE GIRLSCOUTS! Seriously. What happened to the days when girls would come knock on your door and sell cookies. None of my employees have kids either. Okay not true, one has like 17 kids but his wife is too lazy to do something like put her kids in Girl Scouts, which means I HAVE TO SUFFER PEOPLE AND I GET NO COOKIES!

So. My dear readers do any of you have girls selling cookies? If so I will totally paypal you some money for them. I need about 6 boxes of Thin Mints (seriously I freeze them) and then some of the other new fangled kinds. I swear if you guys tell me that none of you are selling cookies, well I’m going to kick some ass. I sooo don’t have the patience to wait for them to be on sale outside the store this year. Plus last year they totally put two different troops outside. One when you walked in and one when you walked out. Which meant you either had to buy from each of them or disappoint two groups of girls. I got suckered a lot last year.

Also totally unrelated. The other night at about 3am Codi woke up and projectile vomited in my bed. Rob changed the sheets while I changed Codi and took his temperature. Later, we got back in bed. Rob had put my 600 thread count Egyptian Cotton sheets on. He leans over and says, “I kind of liked the flannel ones, they were warm.” SO, I know my kid was sick and all but at that moment I swear all I was thinking was “I FUCKING TOLD YOU SO I WIN I WIN YOU LIKE MY SHEETS SUCK IT HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA I WAS RIGHT NEENER NEENER YOU LOVE MY SHEETS.” What I replied was, “I know they are nice huh.” But I swear my head was screaming the whole time that I HAD WON! The next day he went so far as to text me to ask if I had washed the sheets because he “missed” the flannel ones! There might have been an I win dance when I received that text!

So to sum up. I’m still sick, my child has morphed into a whiney sick monster demon spawn, I would like to order Girl Scout cookies from anyone ordering them, and I WIN!

*I realize it is not yet Girl Scout season, I’m just putting in my request in advance.

So I’m still here. I’m done dying. I’m just, ummm, kinda flopping around like a fish out of water but definitely not dying. I went to the doctor finally for some drugs and it went like this.

Doctor: Okay so you are wheezing, have a terrible cough and for sure need some antibiotics. So here have some Augmentin.
Me: Okay
Doctor: How about some cough syrup with Codine? Nope never mind your nursing. How about something for your vertigo, let me check.
(Checks THREE different drugs and finds that no I can’t take fucking any of them)
Doctor: Wow that is pretty sad, life sucks for you right now. Hmmm, I can’t even give you an inhaler for the wheezing. This is terrible. First you have to be pregnant and now your nursing which makes you stuck being able to take nothing.
Me: Yeah tell me about it huh.
Doctor: Okay aha this pill says it is safe, but it has a very low rate of working for vertigo, but it’s only $4.00 so why the hell not try it.
Me: Sounds promising thanks!

I came back to work only to find out Codi has what I had. Since he is a boy that obviously means he is the most whining, sad, angry, MAN about this whole thing. Seriously, I can see the Rob coming out in him with this one, because y’all my husband realllly goes all out when he is sick with the whining. If Codi keeps it up I will need to call the whambulance soon.

In other news I’m doing great with my fitness and diet goals already this year. However, I’m smart enough to ask in advance WHERE THE FUCK ARE ALL THE GIRLSCOUTS! Seriously. What happened to the days when girls would come knock on your door and sell cookies. None of my employees have kids either. Okay not true, one has like 17 kids but his wife is too lazy to do something like put her kids in Girl Scouts, which means I HAVE TO SUFFER PEOPLE AND I GET NO COOKIES!

So. My dear readers do any of you have girls selling cookies? If so I will totally paypal you some money for them. I need about 6 boxes of Thin Mints (seriously I freeze them) and then some of the other new fangled kinds. I swear if you guys tell me that none of you are selling cookies, well I’m going to kick some ass. I sooo don’t have the patience to wait for them to be on sale outside the store this year. Plus last year they totally put two different troops outside. One when you walked in and one when you walked out. Which meant you either had to buy from each of them or disappoint two groups of girls. I got suckered a lot last year.

Also totally unrelated. The other night at about 3am Codi woke up and projectile vomited in my bed. Rob changed the sheets while I changed Codi and took his temperature. Later, we got back in bed. Rob had put my 600 thread count Egyptian Cotton sheets on. He leans over and says, “I kind of liked the flannel ones, they were warm.” SO, I know my kid was sick and all but at that moment I swear all I was thinking was “I FUCKING TOLD YOU SO I WIN I WIN YOU LIKE MY SHEETS SUCK IT HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA I WAS RIGHT NEENER NEENER YOU LOVE MY SHEETS.” What I replied was, “I know they are nice huh.” But I swear my head was screaming the whole time that I HAD WON! The next day he went so far as to text me to ask if I had washed the sheets because he “missed” the flannel ones! There might have been an I win dance when I received that text!

So to sum up. I’m still sick, my child has morphed into a whiney sick monster demon spawn, I would like to order Girl Scout cookies from anyone ordering them, and I WIN!

*I realize it is not yet Girl Scout season, I’m just putting in my request in advance.

I posted some great tips for budget friendly cooking along with a recipe over on the tasty blog. Check it out. Last nights stuffed shells recipe was part of this weeks meals that make more then one! Here is the link.

Angie and I were chatting tonight and I feel the need to clarify. I don’t swallow the shit I cough up simply because I’m to much of a lady to hock a loogie I REALLY REALLY DON’T KNOW HOW. I physically can not do it. Instead I make a weird gagging choking noise and then swallow the junk in defeat. I assume, it is because I was too much of a lady back in the day to figure it out. Either way it drives me goddamn bonkers!