I had an appointment today for an ultrasound.  It was scheduled for 12:30.  I quickly ate lunch and realized I had to pee.  Since the ultrasound was for girl related things I knew it was best not to pee until I found out if they needed a full bladder.

Even though I knew no one there would see them, I made sure when I got ready that morning to wear some pretty panties, just in case!  I have the exact ones above on…and I may  not be that skinny but they still look that cute!  If nothing else, wearing pretty panties made me feel better about knowing I was about to have that wand crammed up inside me for the ultrasound.

I arrived at the hospital at 12:20.  The lady at the front of radiology said that she would put my name in the computer, someone would call me back to register me and then at 1:00 I would have my ultrasound.

WHAT?

I asked her why so late, since I had left my mom at work with Codi and Dylan I knew time was of the essence.  The lady told me that radiology was at lunch until 1:00 and she had no idea why I had been scheduled.  I asked if I needed a full bladder, she looked at my chart and said YUP. I grumbled and sat down.  I’m sitting there playing solitaire on my phone when I hear the ladies behind the counter mumbling something about their computers being down.  I started tapping my foot to take my mind off the fact that I had to pee.  I hear one lady say that her computer works, and she called my name and I was thrilled that I didn’t have to wait.  She puts in all of my information, we make small talk and my whole body starts to shake from how bad I have to pee.  Just to be sure I ask this lady if I had to have a full bladder.  YES!

FUCK!

I don’t know if I can make it.  I tell the lady it is so good I’m not pregnant right now or I would be losing my shit.  She just laughed and laughed.  Then she says, “your insurance is declined.”

?????

The lady says, “I’ll try it a different way and see what happens.”

DECLINED!

Oh my fucking God I have to piss and this lady is fucking around with insurance shit.  She told me that she would just figure out the insurance later, most likely this was happening because the hospital was having server problems.  She smiles and says, okay just have to push this and they will come get you.

I look at my watch (okay really my phone because who wears watches anymore right) and see that it is 12:45 woohoo early!

…….

…….

The lady is staring at her computer so I have no choice but to just stare at her.  All the sudden she says, “my computer froze.”

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

The last working computer in the place just crashed.  So she hard shuts it down, puts in a call to the IT department and starts fucking around at her computer.  At this point, I look at her and say,

“I have to pee so bad it hurts, are you sure I need a full bladder?”

“I’m sorry it should only be another minute if not I’ll just force you through.”

The IT guys ask her a bunch of questions, she hangs up, pushes some buttons and then informs me that she will have to manually enter me in.  Then she says the most shocking thing off all.

“DOES ANYONE KNOW HOW TO DO A MANUAL PROCESSING?”

Fuck me.  All three ladies sit there lost, and instead of looking dumb in front of the patients they go back in a room, fiddle around for a while and come out with stacks of paper.  I nearly started crying seeing the stack.  I cross my legs, sit at an angle and do what ever I can not to piss myself.  All I kept thinking was, I’m going to pee in my pretty panties.

Finally after what seemed like 5 hours I was called back for my ultrasound.  I walked very very slowly so I didn’t pee.  The ultrasound tech looked at me and said,

“Now honey I need to make sure your bladder is empty, we can’t have a full bladder for this ultrasound.”

My husband mentions in his little diddy under the "about me" section that at night I lay there with Codi while he cries. I had to laugh because I realize that makes me sounds like someone who lets their kid "cry it out." I actually tried that twice and massively failed, both attempts ending in me pulling him out of the crib and cramming my boob in his mouth while letting him sleep in my bed. Now that he is sleeping on his own he wakes up one or two times a night and he usually starts crying. My instinct is of course to pick him up. His instinct is to arch his back hick his legs and flail his arms like a wild flying monkey and REFUSE to let me touch him. This does not only occur at night, it occurs any time he cries now. Unlike Brandon who wanted to be held in the midst of a fit, Codi would rather lay on the floor kick, scream and throw one of those fits you see on Super Nanny. If he could talk I’m pretty sure he would say "LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE."

The interesting part of his night quirk is that he can’t cry alone he must cry with someone next to him, JUST NOT TOUCHING HIM. That means I lay there at night just close enough to appease him but far enough away that if I breathe he won’t feel it and scream at me.

My favorite part of the rule is that Codi is allowed to touch you. Meaning just now when I went to put him down for a nap he crawled over and thrust his entire body over me half on my head, and half on my arm and chest. He passed out like that, and me in a moment of stupidity reached up and placed my hand softly on the small of his back. His response was to jolt up, scream at me and thrust my hand off of him and then pass right back out. Okay so, it’s okay for you but not for me huh?

There is one exception to the “no touching rule.” That is the rubber bands on my wrist. Since Codi was little he has had a fixation with touching things while nursing. My friends would often laugh as I was nursing Codi and suddenly his little foot would creep up and his toes would start winding into my shirt. If I was wearing a tank top he would grab one strap with his arms and stick his foot in the other, falling asleep leaving me in a very complicated situation. Even now he will still reach over and grab the strap of my shirt to sooth himself. However recently he discovered the hair tie I always have on my wrist. I am allowed to touch him just long enough to offer my wrist to him. Then he will pull off my hair tie, place it on his hand and sooth himself to sleep playing with it. Because of this I now have to wear two hair ties. Actually there are a total of 3. Two on my wrist and one in his bed from last night. Tonight he will take one off and sometime later I will locate the old discarded one and place it on my wrist.

I’m thrilled that even if I can’t touch him, rub his back, rub his head or cover him with a blanket (LORD HAVE MERCEY THE PERSON WHO TRIES TO COVER THIS KID), I at least have some part of me to offer him that soothes him back to sleep.

Does your kid have funny quirks? Do they want to be held during tantrums or do they flop around like a fish out of water too? What is your childs favorite soothing technique?
 

Don’t forget to enter my give away.  Only two days left until the winner is announced.  Click here to enter to win a brand new HP Photosmart all in one printer!

If you are not supposed to rub your eyes with jalapeno on your finger, it is probably a bad idea to pick your nose too!

 

OWW!

TO UPDATE MY NEW BLOG TO YOUR FEED READER PLEASE ADD

http://www.misguidedmommy.com/feed

 

TO YOUR READER.  IT SHOULD UPDATE IMMEDIATLY!

 

YOU CAN ALSO CLICK THE RSS FEED BUTTON OVER THERE ON THE TOP RIGHT!

I always have a laugh when people comment on my parenting.  Not my actual parenting methods per say, but you know those under their breath comments in the store, or in passing.  That drives me nuts.  The best example is how often people point out that Codi isn’t wearing socks.  It comes in many forms:

"Oh look that poor baby has no socks on"

"Oh you have no socks on your feet must be so cold" (Said to Codi but meant for my ears)

"Your mom really should put some socks on you"

and my favorite, "Don’t you think your kid needs socks?"

Let me start by saying, Codi starts every day with socks.  Every single day.  Cute thick socks too.  Warm ones.  Every day, before leaving the house I have to put Codi’s socks back on.  HE HATES SOCKS.  As soon as we get in the car he takes his socks off.  When we get to work, off come the socks.  In fact yesterday I had to put his socks back on 3 times in 8 minutes.  By the end of the day when it is time to go to the grocery store I have usually given up the sock battle and just let him go with out.  In the event that I try and put his socks on, they are gone by the time the car ride is done and we arrive at the store. 

Ask me how many socks I’ve lost because I made the stupid decision to put Codi’s socks back on before we went in the store.  TONS!  Tons of stupid fucking socks, and mittens.  And always only one.  So then instead of being the mom whose kid has no socks, I’m the mom whose kid only has one sock and the comments about one sock are far worse then those about no socks.

I always wonder, do people think before they make comments like that?  I mean, any parent, or recent parent at least would probably know why my kid doesn’t have socks on. Especially if he is fully clothes, clean and healthy looking I find it amusing that they want to pick a bone with me over socks.  Any new parent would know that socks never stay on kids feet.  Any nice parent would know that comments like that are never welcome.  Any smart parent would stop and think first and probably come to a smart conclusion about why my kid has no socks on.  

 You should know, that as we speak Codi is sitting on the floor pulling his fucking socks off and handing them to me.

This is the same for hats.  I love when it’s raining and we walk to the store and someone has to shout out, "oh my his poor little head must be soaked."  I feel like asking that person to put a hat on my kid.  Seriously, I dare them to hold him down long enough to put a hat on him and then I challenge them to convince him to keep it on.  How many moms out there have spent precious minutes in the morning battling with your kid about keeping their hat, or gloves or socks on? 

What are your pet peeve comments?  What things do people say about your parenting under their breath that make you want to karate chop them on the spot? What is the worst thing some one has ever said to you about your parenting?  How do handle the comments?  Do you reply or ignore them?

 

(Don’t forget to scroll down and enter to win the HP Photosmart All-in-One printer I am giving away.)

Welcome to the new page. It is still under construction but I decided it was finally time to reveal it to y’all. Check it all out. Make sure you stop by the about me page and read the amazing little diddy Katie wrote about me. Yes the font will be fixed by today!

I went out with Rob again this weekend. I drank too much again. Saturday morning Rob and I sat down and talked and I’ve made the decision to go back on the wagon. While the last 7 months of drinking have been fun, in a way it was also a huge headache. Every drink I took I found myself questioning it. Am I drinking just to relax? Is drinking to relax okay? Am I drinking for the right reason? What is the right reason? That was followed with the feeling that everyone was watching me. I was like a giant caution sign and I didn’t like it. I also became aware that I was finding way to many reasons for it to be okay to drink. It’s Tuesday and I’m bored was just not a good enough reason you know.

My other thought is that I really really want to give my medication a fair chance. I think getting drunk and using alcohol, as a crutch is the wrong way to go about healing. My husband said he is giving up alcohol for lent, and in fact he is starting right now. While it was fun drinking and going out, I learned I’m still not smart enough to know when to stop, and while it was funny the first time, being "that drunk girl" at the club gets old very fast.

I was happier not drinking too. I never had to think about anything. I never found myself questioning my motives and I knew I was doing the right thing. So, I’m back to doing the right thing and I know I can wake up every morning feeling like I made the best decisions the day before.

So far I still don’t see much reaction from the medicine. I do know that I have definitely not had the side affect of “LOSS OF APPETITE.” Nope, my appetite is still going strong. Just ask the brownies and ice cream I had last night. (Yes that means I finished off the last of Gingers amazing brownies.

I am still massively drowsy from the meds, which I know is a totally normal side effect. If I don’t eat enough I sometimes feel like barfing. But other then that I feel pretty good. I still feel like I think before I respond which is nice, but I still also know that there have been a few moments this last week when I was a TOTAL ASSHOLE.

On a new subject, Codi is doing mildly better eating and by mildly I mean he eats like four things now instead of three. Sleeping is going mostly better too. Codi still has some nights (last night) where he wakes up and it takes an hour to console him, and other nights (Saturday) he sleeps from 9:00 until 6:00 AM. The funny part is, on the nights he sleeps I actually sleep less because I keep waking up wondering why in the hell he hasn’t woken up yet. Saturday when he slept all night both Rob and I woke up and went in to make sure he was okay because our kids just don’t sleep that much.

Brandon is learning to sign in class. Which is great, minus the part where they taught him the sign for NO. Now, at dinner when I tell him to eat his pasta he looks at me and signs NO rather then just saying no. Little shit head. He also signs, yes, dinosaur, flower, mommy and daddy. Today he is learning the sign for sad and I can’t wait for that one to be thrown at me when I tell him to please for the love of God STOP JUMPING ON THE FUCKING FURNITURE.

I spent the weekend cleaning my house and I must brag for a second about my amazing husband. He knew it was cleaning day and he also knew my least favorite chore. So my wonderful husband spent the morning cleaning all three of our toilets inside and out and then hand mopping all three bathroom floors. I was thrilled. We finished scrubbing the house together and I am proud to say that we managed to keep it almost clean for two whole days even with the kids in tow. I even got all of my laundry done (there is one load that I need to fold but I count that as done). Next on my list of things to do…clean my junk drawer. Honestly I think that might just be worse then scrubbing toilets!

 

Don’t forget to enter my give away to win a brand new HP printer!  Just leave me a comment on the post below telling me your favorite Valentines memory or your idea of the perfect Valentines date!

When my husband and I purchased our new computers we were shocked to find out they had a promotion going where if you bought a new Mac you got a new printer. Not just a printer but an HP All-in-One Printer, scanner, copier. The problem is, we already have 2 printers and I have a gazillion more at work so this beauty is just sitting in my office.

So. In honor of my shiny new blog I am giving this beauty away. All you need to do is leave me a comment telling me what your idea of great Valentines Day would be, or your most favorite Valentines Day memory.  Admissions will be accepted until 12am February 13th. Please only one entry per person. The winner will be randomly drawn by a numbers generator. Make sure you leave a valid email in the comments section so I can contact you for shipping information.

Good luck.

 

(Scroll down to read the first post on my shiny new blog)

Mayday Mayday BROWNIE DOWN

I REPEAT WE HAVE A BROWNIE DOWN

THIS IS NOT A TEST THIS IS AN ACTUAL EMERGENCY WE ARE MISSING A BROWNIE

*Kkshhk* Whats that, you have a 20 on the brownie?

THE BROWNIE HAS BEEN SPOTTED

REPEAT WE HAVE FOUND THE BROWNIE

*Kkshhk* You have spotted the brownie in my belly

*Kkshhk* What did you say, stop acting like a fool and admit I ate the brownie for lunch

ABORT ABORT ABORT

*Kkshhk* everyone is on to you. They know you really microwaved it for 30 seconds and ate it while you were on break

Copy that I’ve been caught

*Kkshhk* Roger dodger

*Kkshhk* Over and out

 Mayday Mayday BROWNIE DOWN

I REPEAT WE HAVE A BROWNIE DOWN

THIS IS NOT A TEST THIS IS AN ACTUAL EMERGENCY WE ARE MISSING A BROWNIE

*Kkshhk* Whats that, you have a 20 on the brownie?

THE BROWNIE HAS BEEN SPOTTED

REPEAT WE HAVE FOUND THE BROWNIE

*Kkshhk* You have spotted the brownie in my belly

*Kkshhk* What did you say, stop acting like a fool and admit I ate the brownie for lunch

ABORT ABORT ABORT

*Kkshhk* everyone is on to you. They know you really microwaved it for 30 seconds and ate it while you were on break

Copy that I’ve been caught

*Kkshhk* Roger dodger

*Kkshhk* Over and out

Update on the brownies:

There are still two brownies left. It was touch and go there for a while and I was not sure they would survive the night. Somehow they made it safely and I can spend the day knowing my brownies are safe and sound waiting for me at home.