You guys I am so embarrassed.  I fell asleep at 8:30 the last two nights.

EIGHT THIRTY

I am so old my husband makes fun of me every night because I can’t even make it through 20 minutes of TV with him.  So it’s coming, slowly.

In other words, I’m old and I suck.

How pathetic is this for a Lego Land season pass photo?

 

And I’m a firm believer that every woman should have at least two pairs of fancy shoes in their closet that they know they will only wear one time.  Because no matter how bad of a day your having going into your closet and putting those shoes on, walking around your room and making a pit stop in the mirror ALWAYS makes you feel better.  Meet my newest feel better / most awesome shoes ever.

 

It’s weird going out with your mom and having her look as young as you…

 

For my 29th birthday my husband took me rollerskating. Thinking I was a bad ass I tried to play red light green light.  My ass and back still hurt from how hard I crashed. (Mental note, am not 13 anymore, do not try and play kid games on rolling death traps)

So!  We decide at work today that we are going to buy a fancy new Apple keyboard for the girl in our office.  Hers is older then dirt and to celebrate her company anniversary we surprised her with that.  Along with the keyboard we figured why not through in an Apple Magic Mouse too.  So I go up to the Apple Store (torture not walking out with an iPad) and buy a Magic Mouse and a new Magic Track Pad.  I get to work and UGGGG her mouse won’t work because the computer is so old it doesn’t have built in bluetooth.  So fine I text my IT guy.  He says something like "no shit sherlock the computer doesn’t have blue tooth." Only he didn’t say shit because in the 40 years I’ve known him he has only said ONE bad word and he actually typed it so technically he has potty fingers and not a potty mouth. Anyway he then says:

"All you need to do is go buy a bluetooth dongle."

I’ll let you read that again.

A DONGLE???

I asked him what the fuck a dongle was.  He sends me this:

I don’t know about you but nothing in that says DONGLE to me.  I basically tell him I think he is fucking with me and leave to go find a mythical dongle.  So I drive to this little computer store and ask them for a blue tooth dongle.  She looks at me kind of funny and says okay let me see if we have any dongles.  At this point I think he is full of shit and now he’s just making me look dumb. The lady comes back and says they have no dongles.  Well duh because DONGLES ARE FAKE.

So I text him and say, "okay I’m going to find a dongle."

Only….my iPhone didn’t correct it, which means DONGLE IS A REAL WORD.  Because clearly if my iPhone says it’s true then it must be true.  And guess what I googled it and look:

A software protection dongle is a small piece of hardware that connects to and protrudes from a laptop or desktop computer; this article is limited in scope to dongles used for the purpose of copy protection or authentication of software to be used on that system.

IT REALLY EXISTS.  THERE REALLY IS A DONGLE.

Now if only I could stop thinking dirty thoughts every time I say the word DONGLE.  Because if a Dongle is a part that portrudes out of a computer then something that portrudes out of a man would be a DONG RIGHT!!!  At least now I know where that word came from huh?

 

 

A present from your parents like this makes you really really REALLY excited.

 

Yes.  I knew I was old the second I realized I wanted to do cartwheels over a new washer and dryer.  No more moldy smelling washer or non dry clothes.  This thing is big enough to fit both of my kids in.  The dryer has one of those shelf thingies in it so I can steam things OR!!!!!!! I can put my shoes on the rack and dry them with out them clunk clunking all over my washer.

I am so old. 

We took off for 7 days to LEGO LAND.  That is why I haven’t written in a few days.  No Internet connection when your camping on the ocean ya know.  Anywho I have about 7 mounds of laundry to do and about 75 bags to unpack and lets not even discuss my floors right now because I’ll have to start crying and then someone will have to mail me some chocolate or something.  I will be back Saturday with a better post.  For now, I think this picture accurately sums up my last 7 days.

I have these nifty little stamps at work.  I don’t know why but I feel extra important when I use them.  When I send out bids or what not I like to use them.

Very official right? 

 

I would feel much more important if I could find a stamp like this though:

First one to find and mail me an office stamp with the words, FUCK or SHIT in them wins!

So obviously if I make a fort for Brandon I have to make one for Codi.  I planned to wait a while to make it.  That is until Sunday when Codi had a full fucking melt down in the hall kicking and screaming and all.  I’m talking full blown holy shit batman this kid is going all exorcist on me.  So, I gave in bought fabric and made him a fort.

Moving on.  Codi is very short.  Which isn’t helped by the fact that every single light switch in this house is about two feet above his head.  I started feeling bad for the poor guy because he couldn’t turn on his own light which meant he wouldn’t go in his room if it was dark.  I went to home depot thinking they had to have something to help out. 

NOPE.

So I walked around and around looking for something to create. Two lighting guys told me it was hopeless.  It was actually very irritating.  I wandered forever and finally came up with a solution.  I found a pull switch thingy for a fan and then found a switch plate for a cable cord.  I came home gave it to Rob and said MAKE IT WORK.  I present to you, a shorty’s version of a light switch. I’ve never seen my Codi bug so happy.

1. Buy toast that is bigger then my toaster
2. Burn said toast because I forget to flip it in time
3. Locking myself out of my house and complaining all day
4. Realizing there has been a spare key to my house in my moms office the whole fucking day
5. Buying chicken and then forgetting to cook it and letting it expire
6. Trying to save money by not buying enough milk for myself then waking up and wanting a glass of chocolate milk but not being able to have it out of my own stupidity
7. Staring at the four cartons of whole milk I bought for the kids and wanting to cry
8. Not being able to pass the castle on level five of Codis Mario on DS
9. Forgetting to adjust my DVR to record Americas Next Top Model
10. Admitting I watch Americas Next Top Model
11. Forgetting the other ten things I wanted to put on this list

A few years back I was reading Emery’s blog and I came across a picture of her sons room. She had made curtains for his closet instead of doors.  I have been obsessed with that idea forever now.  It became one of those things filed under "sure I’ll do that someday."  But then I got a sewing machine and I realized the theme of Brandon’s room wouldn’t change because he got older and he really does love camping and fishing so why not make curtains.  I found some awesome fishing pattern fabric and sewed me up some curtains.

But then I looked inside and it was boring.  So I got the idea to make it a fort.  My mom gave me the old crib mattress from work, I pulled out his favorite superman toddler bedding and behold  A FORT! (With a camping themed light)

Now when he gets out of the shower he goes in his fort and hangs out until he is dry.

If I close the curtains you can’t even see him, and he thinks he is super cool.

The hard hat is from my husbands friend who died.  His name was Cooper and that is where Brandon got his middle name.  The little barber sign is from my grandpa who passed away’s barber shop and the stamp collection my mom made him for Christmas.

My old neighbor was pretty crafty so she had me hang up the fishing pole and then she painted up a cute little fish on the end of the line.  The frame of the fishies are from Rob’s dad they are the fish he catches every week.  The frame on the right side of the dresser is pretty cool.  There is a house by my parents that used to be beautiful but it hasn’t been lived in for years.  When the movie monster house came out my parents told him that was the house.  So when he was old enough they went into that house.  Brandon was very brave.  After that my mom went and pulled up the floor boards to the house and had my cousin make a picture frame from them. Then they put a picture of him in front of the monster house in the frame.

Above his bed you can see two fishing bears.  Each Grandpa made him one.  Then there is the shadow box of fishing lures.  They are from both grandpas also.

This is his little room.  I like it.  He loves it.  You can see the antique school desk Rob brought me in the corner and his little bear clock that caught a fish.  The funny thing is I picked out this bedding two years ago because it was very boy like and I hoped he would grow up to be a BOY and not a pansy.  As much as I HATE fishing I have to admit I love that I have a dad who takes him out camping and gets him dirty and lets him play with nasty ass fish heads. 

(Although I bet he didn’t wash his hands before bed that night…"shudder")

So my dream came true, and his room was perfect.

Girls always look so much better on the bottom

Then they do on the top

I’ve never forgotten those words of wisdom from Dorothy!