Brandon is in kindergarten.  He is on a track system though, that means he goes on two months off two months.  Which at first I thought was annoying until I had to entertain him for one month.  Then I thought, DEAR GOD HOW COULD I DO IT FOR THREE!!!!!!

 

 That means Codi got his first Preschool pictures

Brandon got his first Kindergarten pictures…it included his new, "I don’t know how to smile on command face anymore" face.

One thing is for sure.  Rob and I, we make beautiful boys.

I’ve had Brandon at work with me lately since he is off school.  We have been practicing sentences. 

I actually get really emotional about this.  Brandon can write.  And sound things out and read a little and I HAVE A FIVE YEAR OLD.  I can’t handle it.  When did my baby turn into a big boy?  When did he grow up so fast?  Its like high school is only a week away the way time has been flying.

I have spent a little time at the gym lately too.  I am embarrassed that I’m only at a 12 minute mile but it’s better then a 30 minute mile or NO MILE RIGHT?

My son has turned into the wing king.  In fact he loves wings so much we went on a date the other day and we to Buffalo Wild Wings.  He was so thrilled and so happy that I took him to a place that served nothing but his favorite food.  I also downloaded the ap SCVNGR and took a picture of my food and was able to receive $5.00 off $25.00 and my next visit I get 6 free wings.

He loved the wings.

So much so he got a hat that described him perfect WING NUT

My mom has actually be supremely understanding about my little mental breakdown (I have a feeling I’m going to have to hit rock bottom before I can get better) so she sent us off to the movies after this. So even though he hoovered a few wings he had plenty of room to hoover down a box of popcorn.
 

We saw Gnomeo and Juliet which was SOOOOOOOO CUTE.  Just so cute.  It was really cathartic spending that time with Brandon.  From there he talked me into getting him a ride on the mall shuttle.  Which really irritated the shuttle driver.  It was not the same nice lil old man this was some young kid who wanted my foot in his ass,  Brandon didn’t care.  He was thrilled.

Then we went to the Apple store and played with the iPad.  I left with out an iPad.  I don’t know how but I kicked myself the whole way out.  I WANT AN IPAD AS MUCH AS I WANTED KIDS.

The next day since Brandon got to go skiing Codi and I went to the dinosaur and dragon museum.  He was a little shy at first but then totally warmed up.

He liked this guys big sword.  He couldn’t give a shit about the Midlevil dresses though.

Tiny knight.

Mommy and me. Did I mention Codi is absolutly horrible at taking pictures these days.  Both boys are sooo sick of the camera.

Towards the end he was really excited to see the dinos

From then we played cut paper into a mess and glue and tape it onto paper.  He was so proud of that mess.

After that we found a big display of guns which thrilled guns because Codi thinks he is some kind of cowboy from back in the day,

After that we headed to the park where Codi got in trouble by another dad because he slid down this slide like Superman and then other dudes daughter wanted to do it and that REALLLLY pissed off her dad.

We spent a little more time at the park and then headed up to my grandmas house.  That involved Dairy Queen burgers, fries and chocolate Sudays,  Grams was thrilled,

Grams and Codi played squirt guns and he shot her till he pants were drenched,

Then he shot her dead.  It was so fun watching her spend that kind of time with my boys although, his Giants champion shirt might have had something to do with her love for him that day.

Then Codi got a "lil" something on his face.

I took them out and showed them the gulley behind grams house and they seriously can’t wait until the next time I take them down there with real shoes on.

After that uncle Chris came over and they all got very serious about Mario. I had to pry Brandon off Chris because he refused to let him leave.

 

Sunday we spent 3 hours at the park and Brandon and his friends reached a maximum level of dorkiness.

I did the best I could to shake the sillies out of Codi but they were still there when we got home.

Clearly I couldn’t get the sillies or dorkies out of Brandon.

You can see Codi and I were pretty tuckered out that night…until my husband started snoring and I lost all hope of sleep.  

Finally you can see why I had no hope of getting any work done Monday at work (not true I kicked ass at cleaned my desk, I just had to endure a few bites and scratches a long the way.)

Guess he loves a preheated seat.

So you can see I’ve been a little busy dorking out with my boys and battling with the cutest kitty ever.  I promise more updates soon when my Mac gets out of the the house.  That is, if I make it out  of the Apple store without and iPad tomorrow

Pray for my soul.

 

It’s that time of the year again.

                     

This means it’s time for me to climb the Silvery Legacy steps again.  I know your thinking, meh it’s just a few steps (something like 31 flights I think) but that’s a lot of steps.  Last year my husband and I trained and trained and trained.  We arrived all pepped up and dancing around like, “shit we got this, these stairs ain’t shit.” 

HA!

Those stairs kicked our ass.  We spent all this time working on muscle strength and climbing the stair master.  Then we got there and holy shit batman we shoulda been spending all of our time sprinting.  The best part though of the entire thing….was that Whole Foods was sitting there serving whole loaves of Greenlies Best Cinnamon Bread. 

WHOLE LOAVES PEOPLE.

I didn’t eat any but…Sure wanted to.

I’ll admit it was harder then we thought.  The firemen actually go first.  Dressed head to toe in full gear, tanks and all go ahead of us.  I can’t believe how fast those guys go.  But the best part of all.  After they go, they all come down and take off their gear and stand there shirtless in nothing but their fireman pants.  

Now there is a good reward.

You go in ten second intervals.  That means every ten seconds they send someone in.  There is a bunch of people standing there cheering you on which would have been fine except it got me all excited and made me start sprinting in there (because you have to sprint in front of the audience or you look like a dork right).  That’s a problem though because starting out at a full sprint winds you after about 2 flights and then 12 minutes later you feel like a dork because if you had paced yourself a little you could have finished it in 8 minutes instead. 

So yesterday the inevitable happened.  I started training.  I went to the gym.  I did a quick (12 minute doesn’t entirely qualify as quick but in my head it does) 1 mile run on the treadmill and then walked over to the stairmaster.  6 minutes & 20 flights in I WANTED TO DIE.  I know that I have to run to train this year since it ended up being a test of stamina and not strength but I still want to spend a little time on the Stairmaster.  

OWW

OWW

OWWWWWWW

I hate the Stairmaster.  I go back tomorrow and I’ll aim for 8 minutes. 

That means after I run and 7 minutes into my Stairmaster workout you need go ahead and call for a wheel chair.  Or maybe one of those big bouncy balloon things that will catch me when I fall off.  I might start climbing the stairs at my house on my off gym days too.

Did I mention I hate stairs?  Because I am terrified of falling down them.  Seriously I am almost thirty and I am AFRAID OF STAIRS.  Going down stairs in the dark is the worst.  I get anxiety thinking I’m going to slip and crack my back on the way down.  The bad part though, is I’m afraid to go up them now.  Every single time I go up the stairs now I freak out thinking, “omg I’m going to fall down, my head is going to crack the marble at the bottom, I’m home alone no one will know I’m dead down hear, shit I should bring my phone with me each time I climb stairs.”

Yes. I hate stairs.

Anyway it’s that time of year where I ask you to donate to my team.  We have to raise $75.00 for the climb.  I paid my $25.00 entrance fee and then I have to raise the rest by the climb or I have to pay it myself. (Kind of a demanding fundraiser huh, they put a required minimum donation amount).  You only have to donate $5.00.  You can donate here

https://secure3.convio.net/ala/site/Donation2?idb=1573790931&df_id=5460&FR_ID=3010&PROXY_ID=4172708&5460.donation=form1&PROXY_TYPE=20

Or contact me and I have a paypal account.  Each person who donates will be entered to win a $20.00 gift card to the place OF THEIR CHOICE!  Make sure you leave a comment on this blog to let me know you donated.  Then I will select a winner with a random number generator and contact you to find out where you want your gift card to.  That’s a great deal, you pay $5.00 but you get $20.00.

 

I leave you with a couple cute comics:

 

Here is what the website says, for more information:

. By making a contribution on my behalf, you will be helping the American Lung Association provide community based education programs, fight for cleaner air standards and fund life-saving research.

Asthma is the number one cause for school absenteeism and every day in this country at least 10 people die from an asthma attack, thus it is important that we provide disease management education to children when they are 8, 9 or 10 years old. Lung Cancer is the leading cause of cancer death globally and is woefully under funded when it comes to research, thus is essential that we generate the awareness needed to increase resources for advanced research projects. The average age for American’s to start a smoking habit is 14, thus it is critical that we get into the elementary schools and teach children about the dangers of tobacco use early.

My goal is to raise $100 for our cause. Please go to my personal web page and make a $5, $10 or $20 gift. All gifts are fully tax deductible as The American Lung Association is a 501(c)3 organization and is in fact one of the most recognized nationally for proper management of the resources entrusted them since they began in 1904. You will receive a notice in the mail from me thanking you for your gift which you can then use for your tax filing next year. You may also make checks payable to The American Lung Association (my climb team) and mail them to our local office.

Please take a deep breath….and be thankful that you can. Millions of others suffer from lung disease daily and your support makes the every day act of breathing that much easier for many people.

Together we can fight lung disease successfully.
 

I googled the spoilers for the Bachelor.  I am not impressed.  Probably just going to smash my TV in the end.  Don’t even know if I should still watch it.  I have only watched one season of Bachelor EVER!!!!!  This is the second one and I’m just pissed off with how it will end.  I hate Michelle also.  A lot.  I hope she leaves soon! 

I’ve also become addicted to Criminal Minds.  Which I expected to be a lot like CSI.  It is, only a thousand times more gruesome.  This means at 1AM when I am wide awake the things I am watching are NOT OKAY and don’t help me sleep.  But I. CANT. STOP. WATCHING.

I am reading the Portia de Rossi book, Unbearable Lightness.  It is sooooo good.  My friend Jen gave it to me for iBooks on my phone.  Since I don’t have an iPad (my fault) I am reading it on my tiny 2×4 phone screen but it’s totally worth the eye squint.  You should read it.  If you have iBooks let me know and I’ll send it to you so you can read it too!

 

In other news come vote for me on picket fences help get me into the top 100 PLEASE!

picketfenceblogs.com/vote/2519

On the left side of my blog I’ve put in a picture of the Picket Fences button.  One click a day will help boost me up there.

 

Don’t forget Misguided Mommy is on Facebook AND Twitter now.  Both links are on the right side bar.  Come follow me.  Beware, I say Fuck a lot in those places too 😉

Just on the right side of the page under my ad is a Facebook link.  Follow that and you can like my blog, and keep up with me when I’m not blogging…which means even more cussing and embarrassing myself then normal. 

If you think you want kids try this first…then get back to me.

Lesson 1

 

1. Go to the grocery store.

2. Arrange to have your salary paid directly to their head office.

3. Go home.

4. Pick up the paper.

5. Read it for the last time.

 

 

Lesson 2

 

Before you finally go ahead and have children, find a couple who already are parents and berate them about their…

1. Methods of discipline.

2. Lack of patience.

3. Appallingly low tolerance levels.

4. Allowing their children to run wild.

5. Suggest ways in which they might improve their child’s breastfeeding, sleep habits, toilet training, table manners, and overall behavior.

Enjoy it because it will be the last time in your life you will have all the answers.

 

 

Lesson 3

 

A really good way to discover how the nights might feel…

1. Get home from work and immediately begin walking around the living room from 5PM to 10PM carrying a wet bag weighing approximately 8-12 pounds, with a radio turned to static (or some other obnoxious sound) playing loudly. (Eat cold food with one hand for dinner)

2. At 10PM, put the bag gently down, set the alarm for midnight, and go to sleep.

3. Get up at 12 and walk around the living room again, with the bag, until 1AM.

4. Set the alarm for 3AM.

5. As you can’t get back to sleep, get up at 2AM and make a drink and watch an infomercial.

6. Go to bed at 2:45AM.

7. Get up at 3AM when the alarm goes off.

8. Sing songs quietly in the dark until 4AM.

9. Get up. Make breakfast. Get ready for work and go to work (work hard and be productive)

 

Repeat steps 1-9 each night. Keep this up for 3-5 years. Look cheerful and together.

 

 

Lesson 4

 

Can you stand the mess children make? T o find out…

1. Smear peanut butter onto the sofa and jam onto the curtains.

2. Hide a piece of raw chicken behind the stereo and leave it there all summer.

3. Stick your fingers in the flower bed.

4. Then rub them on the clean walls.

5. Take your favorite book, photo album, etc. Wreck it.

6. Spill milk on your new pillows. Cover the stains with crayons. How does that look?

 

 

Lesson 5

 

Dressing small children is not as easy as it seems.

1. Buy an octopus and a small bag made out of loose mesh.

2. Attempt to put the octopus into the bag so that none of the arms hang out.

 

Time allowed for this – all morning.

 

 

Lesson 6

 

Forget the BMW and buy a mini-van. And don’t think that you can leave it out in the driveway spotless and shining. Family cars don’t look like that.

1. Buy a chocolate ice cream cone and put it in the glove compartment.

Leave it there.

2. Get a dime. Stick it in the CD player.

3. Take a family size package of chocolate cookies. Mash them into the back seat. Sprinkle cheerios all over the floor, then smash them with your foot.

4. Run a garden rake along both sides of the car.

 

 

Lesson 7

 

Go to the local grocery store. Take with you the closest thing you can find to a pre-school child. (A full-grown goat is an excellent choice). If you intend to have more than one child, then definitely take more than one goat. Buy your week’s groceries without letting the goats out of your sight. Pay for everything the goat eats or destroys. Until you can easily accomplish this, do not even contemplate having children.

 

Lesson 8

 

1. Hollow out a melon.

2. Make a small hole in the side.

3. Suspend it from the ceiling and swing it from side to side.

4. Now get a bowl of soggy Cheerios and attempt to spoon them into the swaying melon by pretending to be an airplane.

5. Continue until half the Cheerios are gone.

6. Tip half into your lap. The other half, just throw up in the air.

 

You are now ready to feed a nine- month-old baby.

 

 

Lesson 9

 

Learn the names of every character from Sesame Street , Barney, Disney, the Teletubbies, and Pokemon. Watch nothing else on TV but PBS, the Disney channel or Noggin for at least five years. (I know, you’re thinking What’s ‘Noggin’?) Exactly the point.

 

 

Lesson 10

 

Make a recording of Fran Drescher saying ‘mommy’ repeatedly. (Important: no more than a four second delay between each ‘mommy’; occasional crescendo to the level of a supersonic jet is required). Play this tape in your car everywhere you go for the next four years. You are now ready to take a long trip with a toddler.

 

 

Lesson 11

 

Start talking to an adult of your choice. Have someone else continually tug on your skirt hem, shirt- sleeve, or elbow while playing the ‘mommy’ tape made from Lesson 10 above. You are now ready to have a conversation with an adult while there is a child in the room.

 

This is all very tongue in cheek; anyone who is parent will say ‘it’s all worth it!’ Share it with your friends, both those who do and don’t have kids. I guarantee they’ll get a chuckle out of it. Remember, a sense of humor is one of the most important things you’ll need when you become a parent!

TA ! DA !

My husband says I have a habit of asking you to vote on something but telling you which side of the argument is mine.  He said that makes you guys always vote for me so this time I have to just list both sides of the argument without saying whose side is what and then make you vote.  I still think I will win but whatever!

Here is the argument.

This is our ketchup bottle.

Sometimes it is in the refrigerator like this.  And some times it is in there like this.

 

So here is the argument.

One of us says the bottle has to always be with the label up because the label is facing that way.  One of us says since it has that flat lid it should go in the fridge upside down.  One of us says it should be right side up and then you shake it when you want to use it so you don’t get that drippy stuff.  One of us says you don’t need to shake it if it is upside down the drippy stuff settles on the top.

 

Who is right?  Does it go label up or down?

This is a huge battle in our house, so this is a very serious vote, whoever wins will finally get to keep the ketchup bottle their way!

I opened up my e-mail today to find a new ad from Blue Q.  This is what they were selling.  Hand sanitizer.  But not just any hand sanitizer.  The most awesome hand sanitizer EVER INVENTED.

I’ll take ten.  There are about 8 more different slogans too!

 

Then I browsed a little farther and found

WASTED AND BROKE RAMEN NOODLE SOUP!

Which led me to this

And I actually own this

Although in high school it would have been this

And I would love to hand out a few sticks of this gum

And no purse is complete with out it’s very own tampon case

Know your flow ladies, Know your flow.

 

Yeah, this website is dangerous!