A couple months ago Patty e-mailed me telling me she was taking her summer vacation to Las Vegas. I pondered the idea and thought, "hey I could just fly there, it’s only an hour away." However after thinking about the cost of a plane ride, the taxi to and from the airport, PLUS the cost of a hotel I rethought I my plan. I decided I could drive there for a lot less. Only problem is my husband said I was not allowed to drive alone.
I only know one person crazy enough to drive to Las Vegas with me, so I called Ginger gave her about 4 weeks notice and she was on board! We were heading to Vegas. The only rule no speeding tickets. The drive to Vegas is full of small towns and everyone knows that you get big ass tickets in small ass towns, because those officers are smart enough to know you aren’t going to drive all the way back to fight in court. Fine! Psh! I would drive the stupid speed limit in my husband fast as hell car. RIIIIGHT! The only other thing I had to remember is since my husband tinkered with his lights and shit the dashboard buzzed unless the lights were turned on. This was fine since almost the whole trip required you to have your lights on. At least I knew I wouldn’t get in trouble for that. Everything was falling into place. The day I went to book our hotel I realized my debit card was at home. I put it off until later that night. About an hour later I received an e-mail from the very hotel I was booking (I hadn’t submitted anything they had my info from a previous stay) offering me a room for the first night full price and every night after for $22.00 WHAT A STEAL! I booked us right up.
Then I packed. Yes. I was packed for at least 4 weeks. It’s one of my quirks. Finally the day came and Ginger and I were off. Approximately 20 minutes into our drive we decided it would be smart to eat since it was nearing 5pm and we might not find any good food before daylight left. So we did the only logical thing. We stopped and took our sweet ass time having a nice sushi dinner (vegetarian non fish sushi on soy paper). After a very filling dinner we took off. 15 minutes later we pulled into a Safeway (we were very good at using our time wisely eh) and bought various drinks and some Excedrin.
Okay this time we were really going. The Ipod was plugged in, the AC was just right and we had our drinks. I only had mine for a second because of some kind of Iphone charger vs Ginger related drink spilling incident. About an hour and a half into our trip I looked up to see a cop car coming at me. I looked up just in time to see him turn on his lights and flip a bitch to pull me over.
FUCK FUCK FUCK
I had my license, insurance and registration ready because I already knew I was speeding. The other thing about these small ass towns is you drop from 70mph to 40mph in about 20 feet and then drop down to 35 and finally 25. They totally set you up for failure. No one can slow down that fast ASSHOLES. Anyway, I knew I was fucked and up walked cutie young officer number one.
"Do you know what you were doing ma’am."
"Yup, I was speeding."
"Do you know how fast you were going?"
"Yeah I was doing 47 in a 35."
"No, you were doing 47 in a 25."
"Shit. Shit. I totally missed the sign."
"Is this your car."
"[sigh] No, it’s my husbands."
(My husband drives a black Honda with black wheels and illegal limo tint with fancy headlights and honestly the whole car screams HEY A YOUNG PUNK DRIVES THIS CAR.
Cutie officer smirks at me, I give him my trademark smile and he walks of saying, "let’s see what the other officer thinks about this."
I looked at Ginger and just cracked up. I just kept saying, "Rob is going to kill me dead, dead dead dead DEAD." We laughed at how we didn’t even make it a damn hour and a half before we were pulled over. I looked in the mirror to see the two officers passing my ID backing and forth.
Next thing I know Officer cuter then the first walks up with my insurance and registration wrapped around my license. He bends down hands it to me, smiles and tells me to slow down and get out of there.
Ginger looks at me and says something along the lines of, "what the fuck I never get out of tickets how in the hell did you do that?"
We laughed it off and slowly continued on our way. Tonopah is kind of the halfway between Reno and Vegas. And if it isn’t really it kind of has to be since it’s really the only place to get gas and food on the way there. We knew we had to stop there to fill up, get some more caffeine and pee.
I pull in the back of the gas station, which was called…the Giggle Station and had a giant picture of a weirdo clown. Ginger and I both decided it would be better to pull to the front of the station. I pulled around front and saw a sheriff sitting at a stop sign in front of the gas station. THANK GOD I WAS DOING THE DAMN SPEED LIMIT THIS TIME. I went to pull into a pump and the fucking thing was out of order. I turned around and pulled into the next one. Since I wasn’t used to my husband’s car I pulled in about 5 feet away from the actual pump. I got out of the car DING DING DING. What the hell is that? I looked around everywhere wondering why this fucking car was fucking DINGING AT ME. Stop the dinging I HATE DINGING OMFG THE NOISE KILL ME NOW. The goddamn lights. Fucking husband and his fucking tinkering. I turned the lights off and Ginger and I went in. She putzed around doing her thing while I went out to pump. In the mean time I got into the trunk to get the case for my contacts. My eyeballs were on fire from wearing those damn things and I wanted them out. 5 minutes of digging later, unpacking my entire bag, unpacking my entire second bag, and then unpacking my purse I found the fucking case on the floor of the trunk right in plain sight. Guess it fell out. I got my contacts out, put the pump back on the thingy and went in to pay and get some crap. I picked up another Starbucks Double Shot drink (side not the only one they sold with out Taurine) and went to pay. While there I saw a neato new ice cream so I grabbed two and went to meet Ginger.
Finally I got in the car and Ginger and I marveled over our new ice cream. We cracked our drinks and away we went! We pulled out onto the main street when I saw the same cop who was parked in front of the gas station coming toward me.
HA HA SUCKER I’M DOING THE SPEED LIMIT [or close enough to it]
Insert red and blue flashing lights here.
“Ma’am do you know what you were doing?”
“I was speeding”
“Ummm [looks confused}, you also have no lights on.”
“Is this your car?”
[Why does everyone keep asking me this?]
“No it’s my husband and I’m used to having my car with the auto light function but his tinkering and the stupid lights switched all the way on, and I had to turn them off because of the dinging THE DINGING WILL KILL YOU and”
“I knew this wasn’t your car. When you pulled in you looked like you were having trouble trying to figure out what side the tank was on.”
“I’m just going to check this out and I’ll be right back.”
Now, here is what you should know. He pulled us over munching on ice cream. When he walked up to the car I had my ice cream bar in my lap, and I was laughing so hard I was nearly crying because OMFG how were we pulled over again. Ginger was also laughing her ass off. So here we are, two giggly girls, with munchies all over in a car that screams “I’M DOING SOMETHING WRONG.”
We were going down. There was no way out of this, obviously he was going to think we were high on pot and we were going to jail. Jail in Tonopah the thought makes me shudder. To make matters worse Ginger suggested that mostly likely while the officer was running my license it would pull up a red flag that I had just been pulled over for speeding hours ago and that I had been let go. Obviously you can’t be let go twice in one day, I was screwed I wasn’t ready for jail.
“here is your license, turn on your lights and slow down.”
What in the hell just happened? Did I really just get out of two tickets in one trip? I AM COP WHISPERER!
Ginger asked if I wanted to text Rob and tell him, and my reply was, “hell no, not until we make it to Vegas with no more tickets. After 8 plus hours of driving and WAY WAY more talk about Area 51 and aliens, and one possible UFO sighting we arrived in Vegas.
To be continued….
See that little arrow there that says Shurz? Yeah, that would be how far we got before getting pulled over. Pretty damn pathetic huh? See the little square around Tonopah? Thats how far we made it before getting pulled over a second time. I officially suck!