I’ve been reading this blog Tunay Na Mahal for a long time.  I have no idea how Sarah found me but she did and left a comment.  One day I went to her site and I was totally hooked on her story.  She had met her fiance online, they never even met for something like 2 years (sorry if I’m murdering the story Sarah), when they did meet it was for a short time in the Philippines before she had to leave again.  In all the years they have been together they have only met 4 times I believe.  She has an entire time line of their story and it’s just nuts.  My favorite part is coming up here in November (or is it October, see I suck) she is going back down there to see him again and GET MARRIED!  Hopefully after that they can get going on the process to move him here so they can live happily ever after.  Anywho, the point is, after all of her trips there she has become hooked on some Phillipeno products.  She decided to do a give away of some of her favorites and

I WON!

I’m really excited because besides gross nasty fish sauce I’ve really never tried any thing good from the Philippines. I am extra excited about the coffee because hello I HEART COFFEE!  I have really wanted to try some of the foods from my husbands country but everything always sounded so nasty for instance, Balut…only click that link if you think you are brave.  I also love reading stories about how a ton of dishes from the Philippines come with spaghetti on the menu.  This cracks me up. My most absolute favorite part though was reading about how the Philippines helped her develope a small addiction to Starbucks.  Yes they really do run the world.  Anyway I can’t wait to try my stuff, and if you get time stop over and read her love story, it really really is interesting…hint, their meeting had something to do with Lindsey Lohan!

 

(Her story starts here, scroll down and read from the bottom up)

Do you ever feel like electronics are against you? Today all electronics were soooo against me.
First I was trying to print a brochure and Adobe decided to print two pages not one. The I put the first page in and flipped it and Adobe decided to print the first page again so I now had a two sided brochure with the same thing on each side. I attempted to reprint it and Adobe printed one page right side up and one upside down. I wanted to fuck that program up.

Later my dad came in and asked me to print something on my printer for him. So I hit print NOTHING. Hit print NOTHING. Finally told it to print in my moms office and no shit it fucking prints in there. Asshole! I open my printer and it says sending. Sending. Still sending. Ha ha, look you think I’m really going to send this but I never will but I will keep saying sending just to fuck with you.

A little later I’m sitting at my desk when my mom and I hear POP all loud. It came from somewhere near my computer, printer, calculator, plug, etc area but no matter what I do I can’t find where the pop came from. So I’m pretty sure tomorrow I’m going to find something blown up in my office.

Then my mom gets this fancy idea that she wants to take a computer to burning man with her, with our accounting program on it. This means I have to take the old ass laptop convince it to install our accounting program and then put our actual database on there. I’m installing the program and the fucking computer dies. I plug it in, but since it is so old it doesn’t just instantly charge up. So I have to walk away for 10 minutes and wait for the damn thing to charge. Finally it charges and I get the program installed. I connect to the network and manage to copy and transfer the file onto the laptop. Only now it doesn’t want to open, it wants to open the old one from our main database. That is not what I want since obviously she won’t be able to latch onto our network from Burning Man. I click and push and drag and drop and OMFG why won’t this fucking thing open. I yahoo our IT guy who decides to not answer. I start creating files. Deleting files. Moving files. Wondering how I can smash a file through the computer. Twenty minutes later I finally found the hidden new database file and made the fucking thing work. Praise the fucking Lord.

After that I set of to make a copy only to find the copy machine run out of paper. REALLY? Like really really? One more thing can’t work.

At this point I’m off work and I go to shut down my computer.

“Shut down cancelled due to error.”

Pull up the error. Do you know what it was? PRINTER ERROR. The asshole printer is starting shit with me again. So I open the force quit button and there is THREE printer errors. I tell one to force quit and it doesn’t. I call the printer a bitch. I tell it to quit again and it does. I tell the next one to quit and nope. Now I yell at the printer wondering why in the fuck it couldn’t be a printer made by Apple. Seriously Apple why can’t you make a fucking printer so then I know it would work right. I get that one to quit and tell the third one to. NOPE. I slam my pen down, walk away from my desk take a deep breath and come back. I grab my mouse and MASH the button telling it to quit again. It does.

I tell it to shut down again and it says okay shutting down. Only it doesn’t because Microsoft word (NOT MADE BY APPLE) won’t let it shut down.

Open letter to everything not made by Apple,
You suck big dick, go to hell, you know you are second best why don’t you just go hide behind the dumpster and eat worms and quit fucking with my day.
Sincerely,
Really angry pissed off bitch who just wants to be off work.

In the end I got so mad I hard shut down my computer and walked out of that place.

Today was really not my day for electronics and now I’m about to cook dinner, does the oven count as electronics?
 

I never thought I would be the first one of my friends married. I always assumed I would be 30 and still playing the game.

I never thought I would wish I hadn’t sold my fat pants.

I never thought I would utter the words, “put your poop down, that is not play dough!”

I never thought I would miss the slightly sweet smell of a newborns diaper.

I never thought I would file bankruptcy.

I never thought my life would become more informed and improved from bankruptcy.

I never expected to trade in y girly books to read the bible or books on money management. http://www.totalmoneymakeover.com/

I never knew that a four year old could poop that much.

I never expected to hear my son say “look how much I pooped, it’s big huh mom?”

I never thought I would have to tell another kid to take my kids poop out of his mouth.

I never expected to be the mom who wanted to bring the best preschool snacks just so I could win at preschool.

I never thought I would rely so heavily on a calendar and schedule. If I forget my Iphone my world collapses with out Ical.

I never thought I would be 27 and still not know how to spell calendar. Thank God for spell check.

I never thought I would grow up and think that putting a cute shirt over my pajama pants would be a perfectly acceptable outfit.

I never knew I would still be on drugs at this age, I just traded in recreational ones for legal ones. Wooohooo for being legal huh?

I never expected to prefer wine to chugging Aftershock straight out of the bottle.

I never thought I would spend the morning looking for shirts that cover my boobs rather then spend an hour figuring out which one would push them up and show them off the most.
 

Exactly how many times in one day can one kid say OW? Today Brandon managed to get a black eye jumping on the trampoline and stub his toe.  Codi fell off a trampoline ladder and shoved a rolled up poster up his lips causing them to bleed.  Aside from those major injuries I have heard ow no less then 30 times from each of them.  What the fuck, do they think they are indestructable or made of rubber?

Why is it that mens soap and body wash always leaves them smelling manly and delicious after a shower.  Yet our $40.00 super sexy strawberry peach passion plumeria sweet pea body wash leaves us smelling like skin?  WHY?  If they can figure out what to put in mens soap to make the scent stick why on earth can’t they do that for us?  It makes me goddamn crazy every time my husband gets out of the shower and I smell him, but I get out and no one even notices.  Fucking soap companies TAKE NOTICE!

How come you have to tell a kid seventeen times to stop jumping on your fucking couch but you only have to tell them once to eat there dessert?

Why does the good stuff never go on sale?  Seriously, I can buy chicken on sale, and veggies on sale, but I’m pretty sure I’ve never seen cheesecake on sale, or the good Godiva chocolate.

Why is it kids only want dad when he isn’t there?  But when he is there they would rather jump in your face and annoy the ever loving shit out of you by jumping from your couch to your ottoman to their little table and back to the couch.

How come a kid could want spaghetti all day, do nothing but talk about spaghetti all day, whine for spaghetti, but then suddenly demand chicken nuggets just because little brother is having them.  The same goes with toys.  All toys should be sold in pairs so that moms and dads don’t have to spend countless hours listening to their kids argue over a paper bag.

Why i it kids can get away with having asshole little attitudes yet I am supposed to be all sugar and spice just because I’m old enough to know better?  Bullshit!  I want to get away with telling people NO and stomping my feet and throwing shit at peoples heads when I don’t like them.  Really, the world would be a better place if I could just throw a brick at people who piss me off.

Why are mens thighs always smaller then womens?  Even fat guys still have little thighs.  Unless you weigh about 100 pounds chances are your husband has smaller thighs then you.  I know God was all pissed off about the apple and all, but shit did he really have to punish us this much.  It was just a fucking apple, Its not like we ate his last piece of double chocolate cake. 

What do you wonder about?

For my husbands birthday I got tickets for us to go to a ball game here in Reno.  We had great seats and were having a great time.  Suddenly I hear everyone around me say OH MY GOD WHAT IS THAT?

Folks.  I’d like to introduce you to the TRIPLE PLAY.

 

Now.  I was trying to be sneaky taking this picture which is why the other half is already eaten.  Here is the situation. 

Three layers of Texas Toast.  Between the first section is BBQ Brisket.  The next layer is pulled pork with some coleslaw slopped on top.  On top is one of the biggest meatballs I’ve ever seen, followed by a pickle and a pepper.  They serve it with two forks.  Believe it or not, this guy and his little little daughter ate the whole damn thing.

PS.  It only cost $13.00

HOLY SHIT!

I think they call it that because after you eat it you would need a triple bipass!

 

PPS

WE WON!

 

PPPS

I think we have a future ball player on our hands.

 

AND FINALLY

Today Brandon’s school held a little carnival.  They had a bounce house and a giant water slide.  We all (murmaw, papa, Vickie, Andrea, Codi and myself) went to see Brandon.  Codi wanted to go down the slide, and in order to do that I had to catch him.  I was in a dress but it was short enough that I could get in and not get wet.  WRONG!  When the kids come down they make big splashes.  After Codi’s second trip down, the teachers thought it would be funny to encourage me to go down the slide with Codi.  So.  I did.  Then I had to go with a little girl and then Brandon.  I was drenched.  The best part, was when his teachers called me the "fun mommy". 

The shit we do for our kids huh.

Oh yeah, my second time down I convinced Andrea to go too.  Please disregard the totally moronic look on my face.

I may have looked like a moron, but at least I wasn’t riding a giant plastic dinosaur!

We took the boys to the library last week.  They were more interested in toys then books.  Also, Codi does not understand Shhhhhh we are in a library!

I learned this one from my doctor.  If your kid will only eat a few things, but they keep asking for macaroni every time change up how you ask.  Kids love choices, so give them a choice.  HOWEVER kids have short memories so 90% of the time they will pick the last thing you say.  If their choices are chicken, macaroni, or hamburger, and you want them to eat chicken, then you ask, would you like macaroni, hamburger or chicken?  By the time they are done pretending to mull it over, chicken is the only one they will remember.  It works, I did it to Brandon for nearly a year before he caught on.

If you are all out of milk, your kid will only want milk for dinner.  So advice, always buy one more carton of milk the you think.  I can’t tell you how many Wednesdays I have had to go back to the fucking store because I was being frugal and only wanted to buy two milks.  Do you know what that trip back costs me?  A milk, cereal, cookies, chips, ice cream, apples…….ALWAYS BUY MORE THEN YOU NEED, THE NEXT TRIP BACK TO THE STORE WILL COST YOU WAY WAY MORE THEN THAT ONE CARTON.

If you have more then one kid you can rest assure they will only get along when they are conspiring against you.  So, note to self.  If your kids are being nice, RUN very far and very fast.

If you ever leave your phone/camera/electrical gadget anywhere near a cup of liquid, you are an idiot and you fail at parenting.

If you leave your computer on and open and unattended just expect that when you come back things will be deleted, renamed, and lost. 

There is nothing at all wrong with bribery.  If your kid isn’t eating their food it is perfectly acceptable to put treat right in front of them just out of their reach to ENCOURAGE them to finish eating.

When your child won’t let you brush their teeth try giving them the tooth brush first.  Let them brush around a little and chances are they will let you finish.  Also, try different locations.  Codi will not let me brush his teeth sitting in my lap, or standing, but he will let me do it if he is sitting on the counter.  Know why?  Then he can make faces at himself in the mirror while I brush.

Is your kid bored?  Give them a dry erase board, markers and an eraser.  You have just bought yourself an hour of time.

Dry erase marker does not wash out of clothes.

Hot dogs get a bad name.  Suck it up, put your pride aside and put some hot dogs in your kids macaroni!

Do not leave change out unless you want it washed.  Little kid mouths are a magnet for change, they love to suck some dirt off a quarter.

Toilet bowls are a magnet too.  Kids love to wash their toys in the toilet.  Good motivation to keep your toilet clean I guess.

If you’re tired, your kid will not sleep through the night.  Be prepared.  Don’t be shocked when your kid wakes up screaming at 3am.  Instead, just make a bigger pot of coffee the night before.

There are no hiding places.  If you think you have hidden your toys well you haven’t.  One day you will be out back picking peppers and tomatoes and your kid will come out ecstatic to show you the new vibrating toy he has in his mouth.

I REPEAT THERE ARE NO HIDING PLACES.

 

What have you learned about parenting kids?

Forgive me if I get a few of the details wrong here it’s been a while. Forgive me if I ramble, some things are just so close to your heart it is hard to make real sense of them.

A few months back I was still having problems getting a handle on my head. My doctor and I discussed the fact that my meds were obviously not working which was futher backed up by my blood work which showed almost no Lithium in my system when I was actually on a pretty high dose. We made some adjustments and will see where that takes me.

In the mean time however the Wellbutrin was starting to kick in and I was actually becoming a much better mom. Suddenly I was calm and relaxed and functional. I could remain calm while handling the boys, I thought before I spoke and things were getting so much better. What I failed to notice was the fact that since I was spending so much time concentrating on the boys I had completely forgotten my husband. Not only did I forget him, but when I did acknowledge him it was generally just to yell at him, snap at him or ignore him. The bigger problem is I really didn’t notice it. This had been going on for months, months before I even started the Wellbutrin.

July 4th weekend we were driving down to California when something just hit me. Maybe it was the medicine starting to kick in, or maybe it was the fact that I just really missed my husband but somehow I realized things weren’t right. I looked over at him and said, “Do you feel like you are walking on egg shells around me?”

“Yes”

One word and I felt sick. A flood of emotion came over me and suddenly I could see how ugly I had become. I could see all the yelling and snapping and no kisses goodnight and I just felt awful. The thing is, I love my husband. I love him like the day we got married. I still love being around him, hugging him, kissing him and just sitting with him. I read so many blogs every day where it seems like these people are just married because they have kids and they have to be. So often I read and I wonder where the actual love is. You know, there is a difference between loving someone and being in love.

The point is, I realized I was making it very difficult for my husband to still be in love with me. We spent the remainder of the drive talking. Talking and talking and talking and TALKING. We talked about everything. My head, what was going on in his head, the difficulties I am still having and how alone he had felt living with a shell of a wife.

That weekend almost over night things got better. I was happy to see him, he was happy to see me, we kissed hello as soon as he got off work, we held hands, we were us again.

Progressively things have gotten better. The two of us spent the whole weekend home with our kids. When they were sleeping we tried to just sit and cuddle. Watch TV, find moments for just us. It is funny because I live with him, but every day when he leaves for work I miss him. When he comes home I can’t wait to just hug him and hold him. I’ve always said, he is the only person I’ve every felt completely comfortable hugging, and to this day it remains true.

That talk probably saved us. Or my medicine kicking in. Either way whatever it was I am so thankful, because I love him. I’m still in love with him.

I can’t imagine what is like to live with me. How hard must it be to wake up and wonder who is going be waking up next to you. How hard must it be to love someone and worry that today they are going to hate you. How do you handle that? My husband deserves sainthood for tolerating me. For never leaving, never threatening to leave and having more patience then I ever thought one human being was capable of.

The most devastating part of all is that I have ALWAYS said, that in a marriage with kids that your kids can’t become your whole life, you always have to take time for each other because if there is no marriage there is no family. I can’t believe I forgot my own credo.

While I am so happy everything worked out and we are better now then we have been in a while, I’m so disappointed in myself that I let my head get in the way of us. I wish I would have been more open, talked about this more, wrote about it more, anything to realize what an asshole I was being much earlier.

I do know that my new medicine (Lamictal), combined with the Lithium and the Wellbutrin seem to be helping a lot. Rob has noticed, the kids can tell, everyone can tell. In fact it’s working so well I might even have more patience then Rob now. The other night at dinner the kids were being rotten little shit heads and Rob was just going crazy. As a first, I remained totally calm and just ignored them. Further more, after watching the whole scene play out I busted out in a fit of laughter at the hilarity of the whole thing. Rob turning red, the kids egging him on, and me being the calm one for once. I have to say, it felt so good to laugh again.

While Rob and I still fight, I’m okay with that. It doesn’t happen often and we are much more grown up about it now. What Rob has always told me is if he didn’t love me anymore he wouldn’t care enough to fight with me. I wholeheartedly believe that, fighting keeps the romance alive, and it reminds the other person that you care enough to fight rather then just walking away.

This Friday Rob and I have tickets to go to a baseball game together. A DATE!!! Just us, and the best part is, both of us are so excited to go. What a change, to go from egg shells to being thrilled to be in each others company. I think from now on when people question my decision to take medicine I’ll direct them here. I’ll explain how it took the demons from my head and allowed it to remember all of the things I love, all of the people I loved, and that I still loved me. If you are on my facebook, you can read the comments Rob and I leave back and forth, the playful banter, and I think honestly, anyone there, or anyone who knows us in real life can see just how much he loves me….and my crazy.
 

When I ask you to please stop bouncing the ball off the table the appropriate response is "okay mom, I’m sorry." The inappropriate response is "Mom you stop saying stop I can do whatever I do!"

 

When I ask you to please stop jumping on my couch that does not mean wait until I leave the room and stand on my chair, jump onto my couch and somersault across the pillows.  Trust me, that is exactly the opposite of what I asked you to do!

Attn smaller son: When I ask you to please taste a bite of macaroni it does NOT mean scream and cry and blubber and gag yourself from the fear that a macaroni noodle will KILL YOU DEAD and make daddy ask me to stop picking on you.  Next time just taste the goddamn fucking noodle!

Brandon when you are hungry and you want some spaghetti the correct way is to ask if you can please have some spaghetti.  The incorrect way is to say, "Mom I want some spaghetti so get me some now."

Further more, when I reply that I will get you some spaghetti please don’t say, "well get it then, now."  This is not 1950 and I am not your bitch!

When I tell you to eat or I’m turning off the TV in the morning you should eat.  You should just eat.  You should not tell me NO and then when the TV gets shut off tell me "TURN IT ON  NOW MOM, turn the TV on, I’m going to turn it on."  As a bonus it is a bad idea to then "whisper" to your little brother to turn it on.  When I again ask you to eat, please don’t shout, "BE QUIET, I’M REALLY REALLY EATING AND YOU STOP JOKING."  Adding insult to injury to not stop groaning and growling at me and slamming your spoon on the table.  News flash! This will not get me to turn the TV on faster!

Again to the little son: When I turn off the TV because your brother is being a little brat face DO NOT run over and turn it back on repeatedly while laughing at what you’ve done.  You know it’s bad STOP GANGING UP ON ME!

 

Thank you,

Have a nice day.

 

P.S. Note to spell check, please please for the love of gosh will you learn that fuck is in fact a word, grab a Websters, look it up, I wouldn’t lie!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Did I ever tell you all about the time I met Dooce?  Ginger and I drove a quatrillion miles down to San Francisco (Only it wasn’t really San Francisco it was like 40 miles away from there). We had two of her books we wanted signed so off we went.  She read from her book, she was super cute, very pregnant, and way too hawt for someone that pregnant.  Not to mention she is fucking hilarious.  I am now the proud owner of an original signed copy of her book.

I am also the proud owner of this picture which Ginger took, as proof that I met Dooce.

 

Or proof that I met a blurry version of someone who sort of looks like Heather Armstrong!