And this about sums up how they are doing

Brandon was trying to tell me he needed his nails clipped, Codi was just being cute

 

oh and

Codi is still afraid of the vacuum

 

Or rather a rock in my shoe.  Have you ever been walking and felt a rock in your shoe?  Twice in the last seven days this has happened to me and TWICE I couldn’t find the fucking rock.  Last week I had a rock in my gym shoe.  About the size of a half grain of rice.  I got on the treadmill hoping I would be able to ignore the rock.  I made it through the walk but when it was time to lift weights the rock was driving me nuts.  I sat down on a weight bench and took off my shoe.  I shook and shook and shook my shoe and nothing came out.  At that point I thought maybe there was no rock, my there was a thread or something out of place in my shoe.  I put it back on, took one step and there was the goddamn fucking rock.  So, I sat back down took off my shoe and shook and shook again.  This time I whacked the bottom of my shoe hoping maybe the rock was stuck and it would loosen.  Again no fucking rock.  I gave up and for three days that rock bothered me and then one day IT WAS JUST GONE! 

Enter today.  I put on my new Uggs and A ROCK.  I wanted to scream.  I took off my shoe, and shook it while walking.  I put it on and the rock was gone.  About ten steps later there was the asshole rock.  I repeated this sequence about 9 times before giving up and really banging my shoe against a wall.  No rock.  Then it occurred to me, my slippers are lined in fluffy furry type stuff meaning it’s like a little breeding ground for a rock to hide.  No matter what I did I realized that rock wasn’t going to come out.  NO It was going to play hide and seek with me.  I think the little rock is laughing at me now.

Does this ever happen to you?  Have you ever spent so much time searching for a rock you found yourself wondering if maybe you weren’t just crazy and inventing a rock in your shoe.  Because right now, I am feeling a little like I feel an imaginary rock in my shoe while I walk.  And you guys, if I really am creating a imaginary rock in my shoe, well shit, I’ve gone crazier then I ever thought I was.

Last night making dinner I was shredding cheese and like always I caught my finger nail in it.  I told my husband and he replied, "yeah I’m afraid of those things." I kind of played it off like that was totally normal but this morning while I was loading the dishwasher I found myself laughing pretty loudly at the absurdity of being afraid of a cheese grater.  Now OBVIOUSLY I can’t talk because I’m afraid of pretty much everything (water glasses, grass etc), but that doesn’t mean I can’t laugh at his ass. 

That got me thinking, wondering, what kind of strange odd things are other people afraid of?  So, please share with me your odd, strange and laughable fears.  I promise not to laugh. 

 

(I "promise" that I didn’t just cross my fingers behind my back while I said I wouldn’t laugh.)

 

In other news I have made a breakthrough on the glass thing. I still can’t drink out of a regular glass, I still refuse to touch my lips to a restaurant glass (I am slowly learning to drink water from a glass at some restaurants) HOWEVER! I have discovered that at home I can drink out of mason jar cups.  Yes I have found a glass I like.  I have three right now.  One with a handle, an old old old Jack in the Box mason jar glass I got at a garage sale, one from the apricot jam my husband’s uncle makes, and one that just appeared in my cupboard one day.  So YAY for me right?  I am kind of thinking of hitting up some second hand stores and just replacing all of my normal glasses with mason jars so I can feel sort of normal.

Ha, suddenly a fear of a cheese grater doesn’t seem quite as bad.

But still much much more funny.

 

(Also did you notice my use of the word absurd?  I think I have read the Twilight series one too many times because Edward says that every three pages.  I was highly annoyed he never said it once in the movie.  Nor did they say I love you.  Movie producers suck balls.)

Some people like to do the game where they type in their name plus NEEDS in a google search engine and see what pops up, then post it. 

Some people like to go into their statistics and see what people googled to find them.

Me however.  I like to tell you all the names of the pornos on my TV.

You see.  I am in my living room and I was watching a show, but I finished and decided to read.  However I am too lazy to grab the other remote across the room to turn off the TV so I start scrolling up through my Dish to find the music channel.  Here is what I came upon before locating my music:

Boat Bangers: Seaman sluts

1st Time Auditions 3

Big Black Booty 5

BJ Honeys

Big Boob Patrol 2

Amateur MILF sex 2

Girl on Girl-Me So Horny

Cheatin Wives Sex Affairs

Nude Wild Wet Honeys

Soccer Moms Sex Fest

Adult Guard Support

 

Now first!  What is up with the mom stuff.  MILFS, wives and soccer moms.  Okay.  So this might just be me but…really.  While I know a few hottie moms I just have to say, the thought of most of the soccer moms I know in a porn would automatically turn it into a comedy.  I also want to know what kind of man would want to watch a porn about soccer moms.  Not to mention cheating wives. I would love to see what the considered "soccer moms."  Because I’m pretty sure the 18 year old stick figure with triple E boobs does not qualify as a soccer mom.  I mean, seriously she would totally choke a baby if she nursed him on those boobs, let alone be smart enough to drive him to soccer.  I do give credit to the Boat Bangers one…Seaman Sluts, very clever name.  That one brought a giggle out of me.  I forget how funny this shit is, I really should scroll up higher on the TV channels more often just for a good laugh.  So tell me, which of these titles is your favorite?

My cousin just sent me this….and suddenly my body seems like a super model

http://www.peopleofwalmart.com/?p=8494
 

 

Do you ever look in the mirror and think to yourself, huh, my stomach kind of looks like a big fat orange, my thighs resemble pears, my breastfeeding boobs look like saggy pancakes and I have a melon for a head?

 

No.  Oh, Um, me neither.

**UPDATE** Lainey and Christy said I needed a food for my arms, so please see revised body below

Because obviously my arms jiggle like Jell-O