For the last year I’ve been mad at Walmart.  Look, I know they are in the business to make money, and I understand their whole bigger is better, bulk, giant, buy more, spend money woohoo outlook.  But what really really REALLY gets on my nerves is is their super monster fucking shopping carts.  First of all, when I’m doing a normal shopping trip I somehow find myself feeling like I have to fill it up.  The time I have an actual problem is when I just need to run in for a few things.  I obviously can’t carry it all, but getting a giant brontosaurus sized shopping cart is just too much.  WHY can’t they just have a normal little hand basket like the rest of the stores.

That is all I’m asking for.  Is that really too much.  I guess I’ve become spoiled with my Smiths now because not only do they have hand baskets but they have these glorious little mini carts for when I need only a few things but maybe they are heaving things (thing laundry detergent, fabric softer, and meat etc).

Is that not the most beautiful little thing you’ve ever seen?  You can fill it up but not enough to get carried away, still have the ease of a shopping cart with out having to steer a boat around the store to carry 5 items.

Last night I was walking into Walmart, I had to buy 5 things,  I was already annoyed before walking into the store knowing I couldn’t possibly carry it all (a large laundry soap, fabric softener, two things of ice cream for my husband, a chapstick and some glow stars for the boys ceiling).  About 20′ feet from the door I started composing an angry blog in my head about their apparent lack of concern for my needs, and their giant greedy shopping carts on a mission to steal my money.  I swear I would have come home with two more things of ice cream, some Windex, a pair of jeans, and a small ottoman for the living room.  As I walked into the door my eye was immediately deterred by the giant pile of bright blue hand baskets.  I froze in my steps.  Had those always been there?  Was I crazy?  I was just there one day before and I KNOW I didn’t not see those. Obviously those don’t just pop up over night.  Do they?

I apprehensively grabbed one incase it was all a sick joke and hugged it to my chest making sure no one was thinking of stealing my little piece of bright blue gold.  Of course being the dumb ass I am I said out loud, "have they always had these?"  And suddenly a lady turned to me and said NO they just got them aren’t they great?  I was thrilled.  I was even more happy that I wasn’t the only one who noticed them.  I went tra la la la laing through the store with my basket, filling it with the five items I needed and nothing more.  I walked right up to the self check, stuck my little basket up there, checked out and ran, before I woke up and realized it was all just a dream.

Now I find myself wondering, just how many people how to complain for them to finally pony up the cash for something as small as that.  Eitherway, I left the store happy as a pig in mud last night all over a little shopping basket.  

It’s about fucking time you joined the rest of the world Walmart!

 

(I will note though, that these were by far the largest shopping bags I’ve ever seen….obviously. 

Why on earth did no one tell me about the movie "The Time Travelers wife?"  I’m only twenty minutes into it and I’m already all choked up.  Why why why did no one warn me.  I thought this was going to be some movie about old people or something but NOOOOOO it’s a fucking love story that makes me want to cry every ten seconds.  Next year.  Please, from now on I’m going to need a warning when this kind of shit comes on demand.  Kthx! 

 

**Update**

Terrible movie.  Horrible.  That was not at all how it was supposed to end.  NOT AT ALL.  I don’t even care if I spoil it right now but am I the only one who thinks the daughter should have traveled back and prevented it????????  Stupid dumb movie.  I don’t remember the last time I cried this bad.  STUPID!

 

**Update again**

When you are this emotional it is a very very VERY bad idea to have an Oprah marathon on your DVR.  She just gave a little boy whose brother died $10,000.00 to redo his kitchen so he could keep baking the cookies that he started making to get over the depression over his brother.  He started a little cookie business and burned up his stove and all of his mixers.  On top of it Paula Dean his favorite cook came on stage to tell him she was flying him to her set to let him see behind the scenes for all of it.  Y’all I AM BAWLING.  This is awful.  And now, women whose husbands led a secret life and her husband cheated on her while being addicted to drugs.  Now I’m crying for her.  

Someone take my remote away from me.

To make things worse I clicked the link on Yahoo to watch the new We are the World song with all of the new artists coming together.  In fact, I was so caught up in it that I bought the fucking song on iTunes to donate money.  

There is not enough chocolate in the world to fix this day.

 

(here is the We are the World link, do not click if you are feeling a little emotional)

The next time I try to go to the hair stylist I need you to come with me okay bloggy buddies!  That means Patty you need to be ready to hop a flight on a moments notice when I need a quick trim, or Mathers  you better be prepared for a long drive to hold my hand there.

I need you to come so you can babysit me and make sure I don’t do anything stupid.  By stupid I mean getting stupid goddamn fucking bangs.  I never learn.  NEVER.  I got these fucking bangs almost 4 months ago and they won’t go away.  I spend about 90% of my time with the fuckers pulled back in a clip and the rest of the time I spend trying to mash them into a headband so I can work out at the gym with out having to stop every four seconds to pull my bangs out of my eyes.

So this is where you come in my lovely bloggy darlings.  The next time I even think about bangs I give you full permission to kick me in the teeth HARD!

Thank you and goodnight. 

 1. I am making a soy nut butter and jelly sammich, what flavor jelly do I use?

2. I have recently gained a muscle that I am proud of at the gym (at least I call it a muscle) what is it?

3. The first thing I do every night when I get home and every morning I wake up is?

4. The first thing I do when I get out of the shower is?

5. What recent condiment have I suddenly developed an obsession with (ahhh, all my Facebook pals you should know this)

6. Three of my family members call me by this nickname?

7. My husband calls me dear when…"

8. With out this I would probably cease to exist? (non human)

9. What do I wear on my right arm and who did it come from?

10.  As I’m writing this I have a song stuck in my head, what is it?

Ready

Set

GO

 My cousin sent me this link from our local paper today.

In case you haven’t clicked the link yet, here is how it starts:

Sandra Williams was devastated in 1991 when her sister, Charlene Apling Edwards, was killed.

Williams dealt with the grief for years before being told of an even more nightmarish crime – her sister’s body was sexually assaulted by a Hamilton County morgue worker as it was awaiting autopsy.

Did you catch that?

her sister’s body was sexually assaulted by a Hamilton County morgue worker as it was awaiting autopsy.

Bet you want to click that link now.  I don’t even know what to think of a story like this.  Aside from the eww factor the obvious Shannon things go through my head.  How does that even work?  Aren’t there usually more then one person in a morgue? Wouldn’t it be hard to climb up on the table and not have the dead girl fall off under you.  Wouldn’t it smell?  THE SMELL!

Here are a few of the parts of the story that stuck out to me:

"Douglas was sentenced to three years in prison Tuesday for having sex with the corpses of Apling and Angel Hicks. That’s in addition to the three-year prison term imposed on him in 2008 after he pleaded guilty to having sex with the corpse of Karen Range who was murdered in 1982. He had sex with Range’s corpse which was bloody, its head almost severed and had been stored in the morgue cooler for hours."

"He raped a five-months pregnant dead woman,” Apling, now in his mid-20s, said."

“There is no excuse for my crime,” Douglas told the judge. “If I wasn’t under the influence, this never would have happened.”

Huh, so it’s all okay because he was drunk/on drugs right? I watched the video where he says he is sorry and it’s been on his conscious since then.

It looks like he would have been about 29 the first time they caught him and 37 the next time.  He worked there from 1976-1992.  Are you really going to tell me in 16 years that only happened two times?  And that it was 8 years between incidents.  Bullshit.  Looking a little further into it, it seems like he was already serving three years for a previous case and is going to do three more for the two most recent ones to come to light.

More information can be found here.

Now, 26 years later, DNA evidence has allegedly uncovered who did rape Karen Range – however the answer has the country reeling in disgust with the answer. That’s because authorities now believe Karen Range was sexually assaulted as her cold body laid in the city morgue.

Investigators finally found a match to the semen found inside Karen Range’s body. It came when 55 year old Kenneth Douglas was arrested in March on drug charges. During that arrest, a DNA sample was obtained which prosecutors say provides a positive match to the DNA obtained from the murdered woman’s body.

According to police, Douglas worked at the morgue from 1976 to 1992 and was responsible for checking Range’s body into the morgue soon after the murder occurred. Hamilton County Prosecutors say Douglas’ job provided him the opportunity to sexually assault Range’s unwashed body after it had been stored in the cooler for approximately four hours.

As if I wasn’t grossed out enough, the bottom of the above story mentioned this.

In either event, this isn’t the first incidence of a morgue or hospital employee raping a dead body. Earlier this month we profiled the case of a group of teens who dug a girl up out of the ground to rape her.
 

DUG HER UP!!!!!!!  Excuse me while I go barf up my Eggos.

I am thoroughly repulsed. Now I would like to hear your views on the point.

 

Codi is sick.  He’s had a fever between 101 ad 103.7 for the last three days now.  At first he wouldn’t eat but my mom and I got creative.  In the last 24 hours Codi has eaten:

Home made brownies (which mysteriously disappeared from my kitchen when I left last night)

Hostess cupcakes

Hostess donettes

Otter pops

Chocolate pudding

Vanilla marshmallows

Push pop

Hostess cupcakes

Juice

And an ice cream sandwich.

The otterpops give fluid right?  And the rest is good fuel for the body right?

Right?

 

Have you ever found a song so perfect for yourself or someone that you can’t help but feel like it was created just for you?

When I was younger I remember hearing the song playing on my blog today. It’s by Cat Stevens. The song always caught my eye for one reason, the lyrics

But if you wanna leave, take good care
Hope you have a lot of nice things to wear
But then a lot of nice things turn bad out there

Oh, baby, baby, it’s a wild world
It’s hard to get by just upon a smile
Oh, baby, baby, it’s a wild world
and I’ll always remember you like a child, girl

You know I’ve seen a lot of what the world can do
And it’s breakin’ my heart in two
Because I never wanna see you sad, girl
Don’t be a bad girl
But if you wanna leave, take good care
Hope you make a lot of nice friends out there
But just remember there’s a lot of bad and beware

The song struck a cord in me because honestly when I was younger I was pretty fucking hot, and I knew it. I also knew that I could pretty much get my way with my smile. Don’t believe me, ask my algebra teacher in high school who let me audit the class the entire year and then gave me an A on my report card.

I’ve gotten out of a lot of speeding tickets with a smile. Even as recent as last June, when Ginger and I got pulled over going to Vegas, I put the smile on, and drove off with no tickets.

Anyway around the time I graduated or moved out I remember my mom giving me that CD. I knew what she was trying to tell me, and I understood it.  I kept my smile, because it is true to me, but I put away all the other things I was keeping up just for appearances.

I might also add in how much shit I got for owning and listening to a Cat Stevens CD (don’t even get me started on the hell I got for my Joe Cocker CD, seriously, if you say anything I will kick you in the shin)

About a month ago I was driving with my much younger cousin and the song came on. I was flabbergasted because at that exact moment we were talking about appearances, and how you present yourself. You see, for a while my little cousin took a wrong turn in life. She went through the skanky clothes phase and the emo phase and it just drove me bonkers. She is beautiful. She has a great personality, and if she applied herself she could have an amazing future. That day she showed up in a pair of normal boot cut jeans basic white converse a very cute little hoodie. I said to her, “do you realize how beautiful you look right now?” We kept talking about how sometimes being plain is the best. She mentioned Jennifer Aniston, and I said YES exactly like her. No matter what she stayed true to herself. You never see her prancing around in skinny jeans or whatever the current trend is. It’s boot cut jeans, a tank top and a cute flannel shirt. Then my cousin had a bit of an epiphany, every man in the world has a crush on Jennifer, and they have for years. And then she understood. With the exception of about 5 months in 8th grade I have never strayed from my basic style. Boot cut jeans, tanks, hoodies, sweaters, and basic shoes. In the summer, casual dresses, and cute fun summery shoes. None of that weird gladiator shit that people wear because People magazine said it was cool.

At the exact moment we were talking about all of this, the Cat Stevens song came on and I was just blown away. I turned it up, expecting her to make fun of me but surprisingly she liked it, a lot. She listened to the words and in those three minutes it clicked in her head how much more important it is to stick to your guns, be who you are and be happy no matter what.

I have to say, that since that day she has dressed so much different, she still wears skinny jeans sometimes but only on days she needs to wear her uggs and tuck them in. She wakes up early to do her hair rather then go to school with it all ratty. But most of all she just looks happy. Every day, since that drive with her I have thought of that song, and thought of how much it hit home with both of us. While I still like my smile I have been careful to stick to who I am like it or not. I plan to buy her this CD for her birthday, so just like me she can remember how important it is to listen to yourself and not a celebrity, or the kids at school in their little cliques.

I am sure the conversation would have ended the same no matter what, but I can’t help feeling like that perfect song came on at the perfect time for the perfect person.  I would like to hope that day helped her make the change, or it’s possible she did it herself.  Either way I am glad she woke up and saw the light.
 

This post may have ended up seeming irrelevant to a lot of you, but I’m willing to bet, on of you will listen to my song, read this blog, and understand just exactly what I’m saying.