Why Steve Jobs has officially been added to my list of five

**If you don’t know who Steve Jobs is, your a fucktard (thank you Jen Lancaster for a new favorite word), so here, learn about my new #4 Steve Jobs.

***To explain my list of five go here

Today Rob and I went snowboarding wåith my cousin Chris up at Homewood resort.  When we arrived I stuck my phone in my pants pocket.  I didn’t like it there so I crammed it in my sports bra like always.  Two runs down the hill MY PHONE IS GONE.  You know, my iPhone.  My life, my third child, MY EVERYTHING.  Robs first reaction was to throw my ass down the remainder of the hill and then take me back up the lift just so he could throw me down again.  We back tracked everywhere (twice), asked all of the lift instructors, and even went all the way down to ask the office.  No such luck.  Suddenly a lightbulb went off in my head.  Two years ago my mom bought me a program called Mobile Me.  This program is the shit because it allows my phone to synch with my work computer, but then allows it to synch to any iPhone I designate and any mac, plus I can access it from any computer.  This means that I can put appointments in my computer at work and it will automatically drop it into my phone, Rob’s phone any my home computer.

This app also does one other VERY IMPORTANT feature.  It has a built in FIND MY PHONE feature.  So we go into my cousins office on the mountain and tell it to find my phone.  It finds Rob’s but tells me mine is offline.  I was crushed.  We had searched more times then necessary and the phone was gone.  The Mobile Me program also gives me the option to turn the sound on my phone (even if the volume is shut down), and send a message with a beeping noise in case it is found.  Then I can lock it, so no one can open it, and finally I can choose to wipe it all out, with one click of a button.  After leaving there we located someones camera on the floor so we returned it to lost and found.  Still no orange iPhone turned in.

We went to lunch and I was feeling pretty sorry for myself.  On top of the loss of my very expensive phone (I was starting to wonder if I could go harvest my eggs and sell those to replace my life line) my 13 year old snowboard boots were kicking my ass.  Every time I go I come home with swollen ankles, hurt shins and mashed up little toes.  We tried every thing this time.  Tightening my boos (ouch ouch ouch cry waaaaaaaaaaaaaa), turing the directions of my bindings, (still fell a lot even after that), and then loosening the boots.  While we were at lunch I grabbed Rob’s phone and went back online to see if my phone would appear.

IT DID.  I couldn’t believe it was true so Chris took us back to his office and let me log in.  IT WAS THERE.  It showed it near a road.  On top of everything I was able to click satelite view  and we were suddenly able to see exactly where it was. EXACTLY.   It was at the top of a lift.  Someone had turned it in within 10 minutes of me looking.  The girl called up to that lift and sure as shit THEY HAD MY PHONE.  I nearly died.  IT WORKED!  My fancy ass little program worked and I found it.  At that moment I was so happy because Rob always laughed at my expensive little cell phone program and look, that $99.00 program just saved us $499.99 in replacement costs.  The rest of the day rocked.  We were aall on such a high from finding my phone that everything else just seemed great.  We all swore it was karma for turning in the camera we found.  

Now I’m home and thrilled as ever to have my phone (I won’t let it out of my site).  But I’m also broken.

That would be my swollen ankle from the bullshit boots I have.  Both ankles look that way.

Since swelling isn’t enough I came home with a few fashionable marks on me too.  

Moral of the story.  Make your husband whose pant have too many pockets, hold your phone.  

This is also a lesson to all of you idtios, Non Mac lovres out tere,  you so couldn’t have done that on your phone.  Which is precisely why some day Apple is going to take over the world and people like me will be using blackberries to wipe my ass!

To make matters worse  woke up with a knee looking like this


If you want an idea of how my Mobile Me worked here

First it shows you a location.  You have the option to zoom in and and out. 

Then in situations like yesterday where it just showed us mountain, you can turn it to satelite view to get a better idea of where on the mountain it is

You can zoom in closer and closer to find it.


 Finally, if it is far away from you, you can send a message to the phone that will display anytime it is opened telling them to call you, or how to return it.  On top of that, if the volume is off you it will force it to beep for 2 minutes.  Now here is where it gets really cool.  I often lose my phone at home while it’s on vibrate.  What a great way to locate a lost phone at home.  From there you can lock the phone so it cannot be opened without your password and if that isn’t enough you can totally erase the entire phone from this website.  Pretty fucking awesome huh!

You've been warned Reno (and yeah, I just admitted that thing about my thighs)

 I’m done with winter Reno. Look.  10 Days ago I was parading around in a tank top and flip flops.  The next morning fucking snow boots, long pants and jackets.  I’m not impressed Reno.  I am ready to spend the summer days in my little room with the windows open letting in the fresh air and warmth.  I DO NOT enjoy having to leap through puddles and snow banks to get into my room.  The middle of this week things were a little better.  I didn’t need seventeen layers including my Eskimo undies just to go outside.  And then this!

More specifically THIS:

 Note the SNOWFLAKE there.  Mother fucker!  The goddamn snow just left and here it is.  IT IS BACK.  If that isn’t bad enough it started dumping rain on me today while I was trying to go to the store.  There is nothing like walking through a parking lot with your glasses so drenched in water that you can’t tell that you are trying to unlock someone elses fucking car since you can’t see a goddamn fucking thing.

It’s time for summer Reno.  You can hurry up and be 107 degrees out please.  And I know what you’re saying, "but Shannon don’t you complain when it’s hot too?"  Yes I do.  And guess what it’s my blog and I can contradict myself if I want.  I’d rather be walking down the street loading with boob sweat and my thighs freshly coated in Va Va Vanilla deodorant then spend another miserable day in this fucking weather.  

Now your thinking, "but Shannon don’t you work for a heating company? Don’t you like the snow?"  Yes.  Sure.  Fine.  But guess what I like the heat more.  Know why?  People can go with out a furnace.  You don’t have a furnace, build a fire.  Don’t have a fire place, turn on your stove and stand in front of it.  Don’t have any power, put seventeen more blankets on.  Don’t have blankets, have sex, that makes you warm right?  But in the summer HA.  People CAN! NOT! BE! HOT!  I’m telling you.  They get all cranky and demanding and mean and bossy and so help your soul if you answer the phone to a pregnant woman with no air conditioning.  Whoo, and a pregnant woman with other kids with no A/C just run and hide now.  The point is, heat wins.  I want it to be warm.  I want to wear all of my cute spring shoes.  The ones with straps and heals and fun colors.  I want to wear my cute dresses.  Dresses that don’t involve tights and a long sleeve shirt and Uggs and seven pairs of long johns.  

I want my sun back Reno.  You’ve been put on notice Reno. Get your shit together or else!

Overheard tonight at the gym

At our gym we have two kinds of treadmill.  The normal kind that you get on and go and then another kind that has these little foot pads on the side of them.  When you get on, you tell it the time you want to be on and then it asks you to step on the pads and it puts your weight into the machine so it can calculate your calories.  So I’m chugging along on the treadmill reading my book when two women get on the machines next to me.  And then I hear:

"Omg I weigh 100 pounds."

"Omg I know it just said I weigh 112."

"Yeah but if I weigh 100 pounds that means I gained 3 pounds, uggggg."





I wanted to rip the first ones perky little fucking pony tail out, maybe that would help her lose those three pounds again huh? 

Where did you get that dish

I have gotten a few questions regarding the baking dish I posted below.  It is by BIA Bakeware and it is part of their wavy collection.


I have it in three sizes, the 86-Ounce Oval Baker, The 3-Quart Rectangle Baker, and the 52-Ounce Square Baker, pictured above.  They can all be found on Amazon.com.  I Googled around and I saw that Target sells them in the kind of ivory color, so you might check your Target.  Here is where you get pissed off at me though.  I found mine at Ross for only $7.00 each.  Maybe it was an older season color or something.  He he.  Oops. Sorry.  Either way, they are easy to find so get on it!

LIttle pink book

My Google Reader and I are having a bit of a beef.  Sometimes it tells me links aren’t valid, sometimes it doesn’t update, and sometimes it is too full of the same ole shit.  So.  I would like for all of you to send me the link to your blog.  If you think I read you, know I read you, or want me to read you, leave it here.  It is time to update my reader.  I want to get rid of all those blogs who never update, or the ones who are gone.  Make sure they are right too.  I had someone leave me a link to their website the other day to get an award and it said not valid.  I always click out of the reader, so if you have ads I will see them.  Okay, that’s all.  Ready, set GO, leave me those blog links!

I might not get to spend a lot of time in there, but I can still make a mess

(Forgive the photo quality I was using my husbands point and shoot and apparently I have totally forgotten how to work those little things)

Last time I showed you my room I hadn’t even moved in yet.  I thought I would stick a few updated photos on for y’all.

Entering the room. See messy!  Also note the curtains I made, first ever sewing project.


Current project (hint, some of you will be getting these in the mail)


Projects that could have been finished if my whiny ass kids would let me spend more then two hours at a time in my room. (I love my kids I love my kids I love my kids)


The very first ever pictures for Codi’s scrapbook.  I need to finish them but I need 2 more pieces of cream paper, and can you believe I spent 2 hours in a craft store and never once did I think, "HEY ASSHOLE YOU NEED PAPER FOR YOUR SONS SCRAPBOOK, YOU KNOW THE PAPER YOU HAVE TALKED ABOUT NEEDING FOR TWO WEEKS NOW, YES THAT PAPER, THE PAPER YOU SAID YOU COULD ONLY GET AT A CRAFT STORE, A CRAFT STORE LIKE THE ONE YOU ARE IN..IDIOT."

The bobbin that only took me an hour to thread (note to self, pull the wheel OUT next time you need to do that OUT SHANNON OUT!)

The custom made bulletin board hanging on my wall.  One of my super rad employees/friends made that for me, (well, for my mom to give me for Valentines day, but we won’t get into how I once again found out before I should have.)


So there you have it, my little lioness den.  The small amount of time I do spend in there I really love.  Like REALLY.  I swear it is like I’m not even at home.  It feels sort of like being at the scrapbook store, kind of like being at the library, a little like being at the Mac store and a splash like getting a pedicure.  I normally have my MacBook out there with me playing Twilight. Occasionally I’ll plug in my Phone and rock my iTunes.  Either way, I really enjoy it.  Damn, I totally forgot to take pictures of all the cute little jars in my window.  Ginger and I spent 2 hours at Walmart figuring out how to decorate this bad boy and I forgot to show you the pics.  Sigh.  Well, just imagine the cutest shortest fattest little mason jars full of candies and paper clips and other stuff and the biggest studliest jars filled to the rim with colorful pens, and markers and pencils and scissors.  

Sigh! Every girls dream!

A whole two hours

 I had big plans for this weekend.  I was going to clean a little house and then spend the rest of the day in my little room sewing and crafting and shit.  I had a few people request my little sandwich lunchmabobs and I was excited to get some new fabric and get started.  Maybe if I make some, and then don’t suck too bad I could put some on Etsy and make a couple bucks.  I did the cleaning and then headed to the fabric store which…bad idea.  i might as well have been at a shoe and jean store when I was a size 2 little hottie in high school.  I lapped the store about 89 times before leaving an hour and forty minutes later.  Finally I made it home, slammed down some dinner and headed out.  About an hour into it I started getting texts that Codi wanted me.  Finally after about two hours I gave up and had to come in.  I told myself it was okay because I had all of Sunday (today).  Not so much.  Why?

Yeah.  That is why.  It was Rob’s day to sleep in so I spent the morning locked in the downstairs rooms with the tiny terrorists.  My original plan was to go outside in my room with the door open while they dicked around outside.  Kind of hard to leave your kids outside when you are worried you will come out to find them buried in snow.  When Rob finally woke up we had to clean more and then he went to shovel the driveway.  I got the boys dressed and thought I could escape outside for even a moment to see my projects from last night and maybe do a little more work.  Aside from having to practically dig my way in, and then having a meltdown over the snow puddle I got on my carpet I was in there for an entire 3.5 minutes before the boys came knocking on my door.



Back inside I went.  So now, I’m here being held prisoner on the couch in my house waiting to go to the store, and the come home and cook dinner, give the boys a bath, put them to bed and NOT GO INTO MY LITTLE ROOM.  Sigh.


One of these days I’ll get to be in there for an entire 5 hour span with out being interrupted.  

The story of a project

Brandon has developed a certain love for cheeseburgers lately.  Specifically cheeseburgers ketchup only, with bacon on the side.  About two weeks ago I pick him up from school and he says, and I quote,

"mom, tomorrow I want a cheeseburger in my lunch.  I want it with two breads, wait what are those breads called?"


"Right okay so I want it like this, one piece of bun, then one meat, then one cheese and then you put the ketchup here (showing me a diagram with his hands) and then another bun.  No mustard okay mom.  And no pickles.  And I want four pieces of bacon on the side, not on the cheeseburger on the side.’

"wow, um, okay"

"and mom I want you to wrap it up like Wendy’s"




That is where he lost me.  Wrap it?  Fuck.  What do I wrap it in?  I don’t happen to have some burger wrappers lying around my house.  So I haul ass to Walmart and wander around and around looking for something.  They had NOTHING.  I finally get an idea to make one.  I go find the stuff I think I want at the sewing department but then I freak out wondering if it would work.  So I ask the lady who replies, "I just work in this department but I’ve never sewn before."  Then she tells me there is a lady in the kitchen department that sewed so she goes and gets her.  This sweet old lady with the thickest accent comes over and goes over all the things with me.  I tell her my idea and she actually thinks it’s pretty cute.  So I loaded up my fabric and away I went.  I headed out to  my chick room and started cutting and sewing and eating chocolate.  And this is the product of my hard work.  Brandon’s lunch wrap.

Let’s just pretend not to notice that I sewed my sides wrong so my corners aren’t the same mmmkay.  It was my first project ever alone on the sewing machine so cut me some slack.

It folds up quite cute huh

I didn’t have any string that day, so I rubber banded it for his lunch

Today, I stole it from him and wrapped my soy nut butter and jelly sandwich in it.  I still haven’t gotten the kind of string I want for it so I used Christmas string today.

It unwraps all pretty

And there it is, my nice fresh, GRAPE JELLY sandwich.


(BTW Niki, you won, email me your address and info and your card will be on it’s way)


So what I ended up doing was buying that stuff that restaurants use to put over their tables to keep them clean, and they just wipe off.   The little lady thought I was nuts at first telling her I wanted to wrap a sandwich in that stuff, then she saw my idea and loved it.  There was a rack of about 9 different plastics and I had to ask to make sure it wouldn’t rip or anything when I sewed it.  

Brandon absolutely loves it.  He loved his special burger wrapper.  Since then I’ve put his sandwich in it, my sandwich and some other things in it.  It wipes clean in about 4 seconds flat and can accommodate pretty much any size.

Originally I planned to add Velcro, but after playing with it, and packing different things each time I realized there would be no way to know where exactly to Velcro it each time.  So this weekend I’m going to go look at some cute ribbons, or strings or something.  I plan to buy some chick fabric to make one for me so i can stop stealing my sons.  I also think I want to make some to either give away, or send to some friends.

So there you have it, the story of a project.

And if you are wondering about the burger. He hated it.


Because I bought the buns with out the "white things" on it.  Little fucker.


This weekend I will be making some more.  I am also going to fuss around with sewing some up into the shape of a plastic bag so I can eliminate sandiwch bags all together.  Anyway if you want me to make you one let me know your favorite color and I’ll send you one.