Grab plastic container of soup out of fridge

Read directions

1. Remove film from container…OMFG this shit doesn't come off.  I think they crazy glued it on.  Try peeling it off from every single angle.  Give up.  Stab knife into center.  Put finger in to peel off.  Cover finger in soup.  Dammit.

2. Place container on microwave safe plate and cover with paper towel…This is dumb I don't need a plate.  Grab paper towel put container in microwave DUMP HALF OF CONTAINER IN MICROWAVE.

ooooooooooooo.  That is why I needed a plate.  

Fine.  Put a plate under soup.  Use paper towel that was going to cover soup to wipe up giant soup mess.  

Start microwave.

Realize I didn't put a new paper towel over it. 

Grab paper towel open microwave to cover soup.

Discover soup already exploded out of container.

Burn hand taking soup out of microwave.

Lick finger to taste soup..OMFG IT TASTE HORRIBLE

FUCK IT ALL FUCKING SOUP.

 

For thos of you wondering this is what the container looks like.  It has that plastic covering under the lid that is impossible to get off.  That is why I stabbed the whore with a knife.

I love reading books.  But there has always been one downside. The end of the book.  I have three reasons for hating the end.

1.  I hate when you are super absorbed in a book.  You are dying to get to the end (ahem, Twilight) and you read and read and read until your whole life is wrapped up in a book and then you get to the end and realize it's over.  Now what?  The fantasy you were stuck in is gone.  There is no part 5.  Suddenly you reach the point where you are torn between reading the last ten pages and finally knowing what happens and NOOOOOO if I read those last ten pages then it's all gone forever and I have to find a new book and I WILL MISS EDWARD TOO MUCH.

2. When you know how it ends and you just don't want to read it.  Example: The Steve Jobs book.  I was totally engrossed in that book.  It is an amazing read and I learned a lot.  I was dying to finish it because it was so interesting BUT, I knew finishing it meant he would die again and I didn't want to go through that again.  I was so torn between getting to the end of the book and finding out the next thing he made and getting to the end and knowing Steve Jobs was really gone.

3. The point where you have read all of your books, there are no new books you really want and you find yourself thinking, "shit, if I finish this book then what am I going to read?"  That happens a lot.  When I realize I'm fresh out of books and these last 20 pages are all I have left until something new and fun comes out.  

I just finished Steve's book.  It was a well written, intense, book.  I felt smarter while reading it.  I learned so much stuff that I never knew and I walked away from it feeling like I could own the world if I wanted.  But now, well now what do I read?  Nothing is going to capture me like that for a while.  Nothing seems as interesting.  And my iPad is just sitting there staring at me like, "dude pick something already."  But what?  I downloaded that new book by Nicholas Sparks called, "The Lucky One," but ten pages in and I'm bored.  I know if I give it a chance I will like it but I need something right now that is going to suck me in on page one.  I think I'll end up waiting for the movie on that book (Zach Effron = Hottie McHotpantsyumyum). So until then WHAT DO I READ.  Suggestions people.  Bios.  Love stories.  Romance.  No horror stories. No mysteries.  I prefer love.  

Help me out people.  I'm stuck in a rut and I need a new love story to draw me in!

Brandon is six now.  His attitude is more like a 13 year old girl.  I love this little guy to pieces but man is his arguing going to kill me. 

Brandon is complex.  He is sensitive.  He cries easy, loves hard, hugs often and can be so full of joy.  He is a never ending pit of hunger.  3 Eggs and bacon don't make a dent in his stomach.  I'm not sure my chickens can keep up with his egg yolk addiction.  I know I can't keep up with his constant need for food.  

He is in first grade now.  Reading and writing now.  It blows my mind.  How come my little baby boy is suddenly studying for spelling tests?  He's gotten in a fight at school.  All the girls love him.  He's learning to play the drums. And he asks more questions then ten four year olds combined.

 

Brandon is thoughtful, and poetic, and as emotional as me.  We fight a lot.  I'm not sure which of us is more stubborn but from my point of view it's him.  THE KID IS STUBBORN.  He wakes up at the crack of dawn and passes out early every night.  If I try sleeping in too late he wakes me up to notify me that it's been over 15 minutes and he hasn't eaten food.  He draws the cutest pictures.  He writes the funniest stories.  He purposely ignores every word out of my mouth.

Codi just turned four.  I'm at a loss.  I don't compute.  Four??? FOUR!

Codi growing up is the hardest on me.  He was my last baby.  I can't have any more babies and now my last one is growing up.  He's writing his name.  He's bossy as shit, and he plays me like a fiddle.  Codi can cry big crocodile tears on command.  He blames everything on his brother and won't enter a room without the light on.  

He still exists on nothing but chicken nuggets and pancakes, although he has progressed from aggrivatingly small silver dollar pancakes to an actual full size pancake and sometimes it's even allowed to have syrup on it.

Codi is the only kid in his class who can write his name.  He learned it in one night.  He wanted his name tattooed on my wrist like his brothers.  Codi will not go to sleep unless I'm laying next to him.  He is a snuggle bug who loves his blanky, his pillow pet (a moose, named moosey) and his stuffed moose (also named moosey). He wont' wear the same pair of pajamas two nights in a row and he refuses to put his clothes inside the hamper.  They must be set RIGHT NEXT TO THE HAMPER. 

He's getting so cute.  Girls come running after him when we get to school.  He has no idea how much the girls like him.  I don't understand it either since most of the time the Codi I see looks like this:

Codi gets nightly bloody noses and if I don't turn on the humidifier I can expect him to wake up screaming BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD and then soak his expensive ass Pottery Barn sheets in bright red blood.  He wakes up with shit like this in his nose daily:

They fight with each other over everything.  They hit each other with stuff.  Steal from each other and blame the other one for whatever is broken, wet, spilled, lost, cracked, or shattered.

They are the light of my life.  

But hot damn are they exhausting.

Add to that my third child.

Charlie.

Charlie is like a dog constantly on crank.

How is life with Charlie?

Charlie is insane.  He never stops.  He is constantly in BOLD CAPS AND TRAILED BY EXCLAMATION POINTS.

Even when he does slow down he does it at his own speed…he won't even sleep in the fucking bed.

Charlie is fully potty trained.  But, just for funsies two weeks ago he started marking my house.  But not just my house, he PEED IN MY BED.  I found out when I got in the bed and pulled the soaking wet pee soaked sheets up ONTO MY FACE.  He marked Brandons bed, Brandons curtain, my plant, a chair, the toilet (so close), the laundry hamper, the other corner of the bed, my office, my dad's backpack, an employees backpack, a wall, a door and OMFG WHEN DOES IT STOP.  Charlie got neutered on Monday.  

TAKE THAT FUCKER.

But Charlie loves me like crazy.  He follows me everywhere.  If I am gone he sleeps on my shoe, or my sweater or anything that smells like me.  His best friend is a cat.  He's hell bent on eating my chickens and he thinks the world is one giant chew toy.  Charlie is loyal.  He lays on my feet.  He lays on my side of the bed.  He sits on my lap.  He rides in the car next to me.  He makes me smile daily.  Charlie is like my kids.  He drives me absolutely fucking insane but I sure couldn't picture my life without him.  

The women in my life though…they are totally kicking ass!

Multiply this by 350 then add in 400 gingerbread cookies…and lets not even discuss the mini cookies.

Fucking catering…..some woman ordered over 400 cookies….who knows that many people?

I bought a Keurig about 3 weeks ago.  I've never spent two days more jacked up then I did those first days of owning it because people I HAD TO PLAY WITH IT.  I use my Keurig for everything.  I stick my instant cream of wheat under there, set it on the low cup setting and BAMN cream of wheat.  I do the same with my oatmeal.  When I pack the boys lunch I like to put boiling water in their thermos before I put food in so it is nice and warm and keeps it warm.  Now? Press button on Keurig BAMN hot warm thermos. I want to hug this machine daily.

My problem was the price of the K-cups.  They were almost $12.00 for the smallest box.  My bigger problem was the lack of flavored coffees.  I like to mix up my mornings with a different flavor each day without cluttering my fridge with different creamers.  

But yesterday I hit pay dirt.

I SCORED!

I WENT TO TJ MAXX!!!!!!!!

And there on a little end cap was a huge display of Keurig K-cups.  FLAVORED ONES.  Good brand too! for $7.99 each.  I only grabbed two because I was Christmas shopping but today I'm having buyers remorse feeling like I should go buy stock in the:

But especially the most fragrant wonderful delicious thing I've ever smelled ever, more of these:

Oh baby.  My house smells like some kind of oozing really expensive chocolate raspberry candy.  Like I'm rich and I could take a bath in it or something.  There were other flavors too.  And tea.  And cocoa and OMG WHY DIDN'T I BUY MORE???????

Oh, I started out so joyful but now….how can I live with myself if I don't rush right back to TJ Maxx, shove everyone out of the way towards the breakables and throw the whole display in my cart and then run away screaming "I won bitches you get nothing."

Three times this week I let my gas tank look like this.  THREE TIMES. 

 

Wearing neon lime green socks is not acceptable if your shoes don't cover the socks up.  I do this at least twice a week and the looks I get from other mothers at the school when they see my socks are not okay.

 

I really need to stop doing my nails before catering.  The bleach water strips my polish off in about 2 minutes.  Complete waste of the 30 minutes I spent on this last night.

 

You would think I would learn that if my puppy suddenly gets an overload of testosterone and starts marking his territory in the house that I should keep him confined to one area.  That way I wouldn't come home from a 16 hour day and cuddle up in bed with soaking wet pee blankets ON MY FACE.  He also peed on the corner of my sons bed, my desk chair, my fake house plant that I love, my husbands snuggle pillow, on the toilet, the laundry basket, and near my sons door.

He got neutered today.

I am still mad at Kim Kardashian over her divorce.  I'm totally team Hump.  I'm sorry but…she's an idiot, and if she knew she was making a mistake THEN FUCKING DON'T DO IT.  I feel horrible for Chris.  Horrible for his pastor and his family.  Becuase of this I deleted every Kardashian related thing off my Tivo because I'm so mad at it.  Correction.  Mad at HER.

I will never learn to say no to work.  I have blisters.  My hands are going numb.  My back hurts.  My leg hurts but I've commited to working two more events this week.

I have not bought a single Christmas present.  I AM FUCKED.

 

Trying to run errands for work today. First bank only has one lane open. And only one teller in the whole bank. Second bank had a crazy ass line. And the third one? It was surrounded by geese. We all had to honk and wait for the geese to move. I’m sitting here hoping this guy Hurries up because I still have to go to the contractors board and I already know how slow the old lady there is.
I just wanna get this done so I can get back to my desk. Pretend to get caught up and maybe eat breakfast.
I’m working both jobs all week and I work a double Saturday. I have not bought A SINGLE CHRISTMAS PRESENT. Since I’m scheduled to work so much I have. I idea when I will buy presents. So friends I’m giving you a heads up now. You might get presents some time in February.
Also. Am very tired.
Feet hurt.
And I’ve baked over 300 cookies in the last five days. I never want to see another sugar cookie or cookie cutter.
Also again. Am allergic to gingerbread cookie dough. Hands are all red and itchy.
More also. IM STARVING and all I have is lame yogurt. Woe is me.
Email me some jokes or funny stories. I need some giggles please.

1. I have an unhealthy obsession with Nutella.
2. I’ve been working two jobs for the last few months, but lately I’ve been working them both in the same day. I’m super exhausted hence the lack of posting.
3. Did you know that when you spend all night cooking and all weekend catering you don’t want to cook dinner or any meals at home because the thought of chopping one more thing makes you want to chop a finger nail off.
5. I totally almost cut a finger off the other night I was so tired, thank god for long fingernails, saved the day.
6. I skipped number four.
7. You are now looking up to check that.
8. I want to hug and cuddle my new Kuerig. I use it for all kind of things besides just making coffee. But I can tell you, I was so so so jacked up the first two days I had it from playing with it.
9. Doctors tip really well.
10. They also throw pretty awesome parties.
11. The Pinterest humor section has become a problem.
12. Fig Netwon crisps are heaven sent!
13. you didn’t even notice there are only 13 here

Many of you might be wondering what happened after my big JACK epiphany at a funeral.

I am going to be brutally honest in my answer.

But first you should know, that for the first time in almost two years I am completely unmedicated.

I’ll give you a moment to digest that.

I’m going to warn you now. This post is going to be scattered. It might be hard to follow, I will jump from topic to topic, and…well, welcome to my head 24/7.

Being unmedicated is the HARDEST thing I’ve done in my life. When you are on anti-depressents and antipsychotics, you quickly forget what life off of them was like. Let me tell you.

IT REALLY FUCKING SUCKS.

I can’t sleep anymore because my head is back to racing a thousand miles a moment. I cry any time I am along in the car. I am horrible at being a mom. I’m over eating to the point that the number on the scale has moved from, “damn that sucks,” to “this is serious.” I hear constant noise in my head. I shake often. I don’t feel like I have a place in this world, and I feel alone in every single inch of it because not one REAL LIFE person I know has what I have.

One thing that kept me going through all of this was Jack. I’ve steadily worn my WWJD bracelet. Never removing it, (okay once, but dude I wasn’t sticking my bracelet inside a turkey ass on thanksgiving to dig out the giblets).

But then something happened.

I heard things about Jack that I didn’t like. I take being a parent seriously. I became medicated because I wanted to be a better mom. A mom who yelled less. Who was nicer to my kids. I just wanted to be the best mom I could be. So hearing one day that my HERO had done things as a father that I didn’t agree with deflated me. It literally sucked the life out of me. I wanted to rip the bracelet off. Who was this man. This hero. How could I follow him anymore?

But I made a deal with myself to think it through before taking the bracelet off.

Insert drastic subject change here.

I’ve been noticing things were wrong in my life for a while now. I’m not happy in my house. I’m not happy with my body. I’m not happy with who I am as a parent.

I couldn’t place it. None of it. I knew there was something there but what? Then two nights ago while going through the 14,000 pictures on my computer I came to the set of pictures from the last house we lived in. I started crying immediately. There, were probably 10,000 pictures of things I had forgotten. How often I took Brandon outside to run in the sprinkler. How many times we sat out back and chalked. How often I had my camera with me capturing my kids smile. Playing with them in the sand. I saw pictures of walks to the park, while I walked and Brandon rode his first bike there. I was crushed. Where did this mother go? What happened to me? How had I become so shitty?

I reflected on my life now. My kids come home and I often find myself telling them to go in the play room while I read a book. Why? Because I need me time right? I just could not figure out what changed. And then I had a Bob Harper moment (the hottie trainer from Biggest loser).

How did I get to that Bob Harper moment? I reflected back on Jack. I looked at my bracelet and then I stopped and looked at his kids. I only know one of his kids well but Rick, the son I do know blows my mind. He is amazing. He is happy. Energetic. He gives off positive vibes like no other. He jumps at the chance to help people. He stops and takes 20 minutes out of his day to listen to a messed up girl (me) and then takes the time to advise me. Not only advise me, but leave me with quotes. Tell me examples of his own life. EMPATHISE with me. Rick, this crazy busy man took the time out of his day to help a person. He told me that everything happens for a reason. That there is a bigger plan for me. That I AM GOING TO BE OKAY. It is impossible to think of Rick without smiling. You cannot mention Rick or his brother Ted without eliciting a smile from the other person. And then it hit me. Rick, this wonderful, amazing, heartfelt, enlightened, passionate person was who he was because of Jack.

Sitting here in bed with my husband tonight it all became clear. Jack was teaching me a lesson again. Jack was teaching me that it is okay to make mistakes. It is okay to do things that aren’t great. It is okay as long as you do more good then you do bad. Suddenly in those 2 minutes of talking to my husband I realized so much. I need to let go of the past parenting mistakes I’ve made. I need to stop holding on to them. Stop worrying that my kids will have residual effects of me yelling and instead concentrate on becoming not only the best mom that I can be but the best teacher I can be. Everything Rick and his family are, is because of their parents. BOTH PARENTS (Yes Roe, you too, you held their crazy asses together). Suddenly I understood that this bracelet was here to remind me every day of a few things: To take it easy on myself, to remember to teach my children to be men, to remember to teach them to be positive, to remember to teach them to do good for others, to teach them to have kind hearts, to teach them to be full of energy and laughter so contagious that when other people meet my children they can’t help but smile too. It was time to stop dwelling on what I’d done and start concentrating on what I needed to do.

It’s been almost 7 months since Jack left and he’s still teaching me things. He’s teaching me so much. He’s teaching me that my biggest job in life is to create children who will someday stand at my funeral and not only have good things to say about me, but to have wisdom to pass on. To create children that the rest of the world looks up to.

You guessed it. That bracelet is still firmly planted on my wrist. It’s now there to remind me to teach my boys integrity. To teach them selflessness. To teach them to truly enjoy life. To teach them the meaning of living like God, and doing for others not based on what they will get out of it, but based simply on what the other person will.

That sneaky Jack, all this time later and he’s still teaching me….without even knowing it.

So back to my Bob Harper moment. While talking all of this through with my husband I said, you know one thing I noticed in all those pictures was that we only had one living room. I was forced to be with my kids. I didn’t have the option of sending them in a play room, and at that point that was normal. So last night when I sat down to read, I reflected on that and instead got up, went in the playroom with them and we all snuggled on the couch reading together until they both fell asleep.

But I still struggled with something. Something wasn’t right. And then it hit me like a ton of bricks. The thing Bob always talks about .

ME TIME

In the old house I used to scrapbook often. But not at home. I actually left the house for about two hours, once a week and went to the scrapbooking store and buried myself in that for what felt like a hundred hours. I came home refreshed, happy, and thrilled to see my kids.

It occurred to me that I was mistaking spending time in my own living room while my kids spent time in the play room as ME TIME. My therapists have been saying for two years I need to set aside me time. I just couldn’t do it. That is selfish. What kind of mom does that?

A GOOD ONE!

My husband goes to the gym right now. Three times a week ALL BY HIMSELF. He has HIM TIME. But what do I do? I sit in a room 20 feet from my kids trying to concentrate on a book or TV show all the while still hearing them scream and fight and hit each other and throw fits. It isn’t ME TIME If I am close enough for them to come complaining to me when one of them stole the other ones blue cup and THE WHOLE ENTIRE WORLD WAS ENDING. I told my husband tonight that I’m going to start scheduling real life me time. A pedicure. A trip to Starbucks to read Steve Jobs bio in peace and quiet (not with the noise of my husbands video game in the background, or kids screaming or a dog itching). I am going to do what Bob says and finally find time for me. That way when I’m home with the kids I’ll want to be with them. I won’t feel so starved for time away .

Being off medication is hard. It’s taking a lot of faith. A lot of tears. A lot of understanding from my husband. But it’s teaching me. It’s teaching me who I want to be. It’s teaching me to find the JACK in myself. Teaching me to find out who I really want to be. What kind of mom and wife and friend I want to be. What kind of human I want to be. I’m learning to look at everything different.

A few weeks ago I would have heard the things I did about Jack and the old Shannon would have just given up on it all and walked away. But I didn’t. I told myself I would give myself the time to think it through. To search for the meaning in it. I found meaning. The most profound meaning of all. To let go of the past and realize that just like Jack, even with my faults I too am capable of doing great things. It’s possible for me to have a funeral with a 1000 people who love me. It’s possible to leave my mark on this world in a good way. To teach other people to find the good in themselves. To find their strength. To find out how to forgive themselves. To become the EVERYTHING they ever wanted to be.

When all of this started I never expected for Jack to stick with me so long. I never expected for him to cross my mind daily. I never expected to find a confidant in his son. I never for a moment expected that he would teach me to love myself again. I tend to start things a lot without finishing them. I’m going to work out, 6 months later it’s done. I’m going to run, 7 months later it’s done. But this time, making me the best I can be…..It’s never going to be done. Because I’m going to keep Jack in my heart. I’m going to keep this bracelet on my wrist every day of my life. I’m going to remember that I have the ability to raise two little humans to be men like Jacks son. Men who will stop everything to listen to a girl who needs to talk. Men who will never give up on anything (even when they probably should), men who will give their shirt off their back wanting nothing in return. Jack has given me the greatest ability of all, the ability to create my own family legacy, the ability to be stronger then I knew possible. The ability to forgive myself. To let it go, and move on. The ability to remember what kind of mom I really want to be. Jack is reminding me it’s okay to do for me too. It’s okay to make mistakes. It’s okay to fall once in a while. As long as even while I’m falling I never forget that I have the power to get back up.

I’m going to do this all. I’m going to get past being off medication. I’m going to somehow learn to release the demons in my head about my past parenting mistakes. I’m going to learn to be strong. I’m going to learn to believe in myself. And most of all, I’m going to remember to look for the good in every situation. To look for the lesson. To not give up because I hear something I don’t like. WWJD? Jack would stop, and find the silver lining in the situation, he would smother the world with the same infectious smile he passed on to his kids and he would persevere, get stronger, and become someone’s hero without even knowing it.

That’s what I intend to do, only my goal, in the end is to wear a bracelet that says WWSD. Become my own hero.

I realize it is easier to write all of this then to do it, but I believe that if I keep Jack in my heart, and I continue to see the beauty he created in his children even with his own flaws, then I have to believe that I can create beauty too right?

I don't normally do reviews on my blog but this is the first time that I got a product that I actually wanted to review. Because it is about my kids. When I was at Blogher I walked through isles and isles of stuff. Some I put in my bag, some I walked past and some I happily ate while browsing (Dove I'm looking at you.). I stumbled across a booth called Zarbees. It was a children's cough medicine.

I wasn't sure what to do. It wasn't a brand I recognized. Could it really be safe? I grabbed a few of the day and night samples and continued on. When I got home I really went around in my head with it. I had never heard of these people. One of them was a nighttime medicine. Was that safe? I'm anal about kids medicine. I worry about dosages and ingredients and dyes.  

I read the packaging and I was happy to find that it contained natural ingredients.  Honey, real fruit flavoring and in the night time one Melatonin.  I hemmed and hawed about that.  Do I want to give my kids a medicine to put them to sleep?  What if their heart stopped? WHAT IF WHAT IF WHAT IF.  

Two weeks later Codi got sick.  When Codi gets sick it's a problem.  He is up all night.  ALL NIGHT.  But the worst part is, he was only three, HE CAN'T TAKE ANY COUGH MEDICINE.  I hate that.  It is not fair that he has to suffer.  I remembered the Zarbee's and decided I would try it. It is safe for kids 2 and up.  It comes in powder form.  You mix it with 2 oz of warm water and then have the child drink it before bed.  I liked that.  It reminded me of Theraflu, and the warmth always seemed to comfort me when I was sick.  

Then came the big problem. CODI DOESN'T PUT ANYTHING IN HIS MOUTH.  Codi only eats chicken nuggest (a specific brand), pancakes (only mini ones), and anything chocolate.  For fever medicine he only likes the pink one. Never the purple.  Only one brand, only one shape.  I mixed up the Zarbees and it wasn't bright purple it was kind of a brown color (hence the natural colors and flavors).  I was afraid of Codi's reaction.  I handed it to him, he eyed me like I was a crazy lady, took a teensy sip, looked at me, blinked, and chugged it all down.  

I was stunned.  He loved it.  It has a sweet honey flavor (I've tried it, adults can take it too).  A nice fruity flavor too.  The moment of truth came.  Codi went to bed at his normal time and then proceeded to sleep through the entire night without a single cough.  

Codi used two more nights after that and each night it worked just as well.  Yesterday Brandon got sick.  We gave him his normal cough medicine and then like I thought he woke up coughing and puking.  I told my husband to give him the Zarbee's.  Guess what.  He slept the rest of the night, didn't make a single noise and even slept in a little instead of waking up at 5:00 am.  It worked amazing.  Brandon had it again tonight and so far he's sleeping peacefully with not a single cough coming from his room.

I wasn't paid for this review, I did it simply because it involves my kids and it really really works.  I like finding out about products that work and are safe for kids.  I also love knowing about something that helps my kids actually get rest when they are sick.  I've always hated when Codi was sick and the doctor said there was nothing he could do because cough meds don't work for kids under 5 or 6.  I hated listening to him cough all night long and stay sick longer because he wasn't resting.  I hated feeling like I could do nothing for him.  I hated laying in bed hearing how miserable he was.  But now, now I listen to silence at night and know that my kid is resting, not coughing and feeling so much better.  I give this product two thumbs up!  It can be bought at :

 

 

GO BUY SOME NOW!