One of my biggest conflicts with mother hood is the fact that in real life I seem to be the only one struggling with it. Aside from my blogger friends (because really we are all here just to be honest) it seems like all of my real friends find parenting to be a breeze. I have a lot of friends with out kids, and so many of them don’t quite seem to understand why I’m always tired, or frazzled, or unshowered, or my socks don’t match. Its as though they just think it is ME who can’t handle this job. I only have three actual friends with kids. One of them basically makes parenting seem over hard, but since she has been doing it longer, she talks down to me like I am a complete dummy who just doesn’t get it. The second one. Oh my. When I told her (way way back when) that I was really really struggling with the idea of having a second child she responded, “I don’t find parenting to be hard at all, I can’t imagine I would have any problem having two!” I shit you not she said that. She left me the questioning myself for the longest time. I began wondering if I was really the only one who didn’t find this all to be so simple.
But finally. I remembered my other friend. Emily. She has a habit for being brutally honest. The good kind of honest, that sometimes you just need to hear. So I finally wrote her and told her how, basically, I am freaking out about having a second child. Her response,
“I’d be lying if I told you it were easy, it’s gonna be tough, but it’s so worth it”
Some one actually spoke the truth. I was so impressed and touched that she didn’t try and sugar coat it. I feel like I’m surrounded by people who think making themselves seem like heros is the best plan of action. I imagine these girls, who sit there telling me how wonderful and simply parenting is, locking themselves in their rooms at night and crying themselves to sleep. It is as though they equate parenting to, I don’t know, eating chocolate.
I think parents (as in our parents) are so guilty of this also. I feel like since they haven’t parented in so long they forget about the sleepless nights, and the teething, and the temper tantrums.
I also think that so many people are afraid of looking bad so they lie to themselves. I have friends with some pretty rotten kids, and all they do is tell me how awful my son is, and how great their own child is. When my son has a temper tantrum, AS DO ALL CHILDREN, they tell me, that can’t imagine raising a child like mine. I have to laugh. It takes all my might to not say, WAIT, DID YOU FORGET, YOUR OWN CHILD WAS LAYING ON THE FLOOR OF THE SUPERMARKET KICKING AND SCREAMING LAST WEEK, AND YOU JUDGE ME????” I am flabergasted as they sit there pretending their child isn’t a monster like all the other kids out there. That is what kids do. They throw fits, they hit, they bite, they scream, THEY ACT LIKE KIDS.
I am even more appalled that people would still speak so negatively knowing I am pregnant right now. Knowing I’m scared shitless. They have the nerve to see my son do something bad and then reply, “and your going to have two.” Thanks for that. Thanks for making me feel better then I did five minutes ago. Or when they lie to me, and tell me how great parenting is, I sit here freaking out because I’m about to have two and I’m the only one who can’t handle one. I hate it. Hate hate hate it.
I have found it so amusing as my friends with out kids have started spending more time with me, that they are starting to understand, that I’m not lying when I say, this shit is hard. I put my son on web cam one morning for a friend of mine to see. After about an hour I think I had pretty much scared her off the idea of having kids forever. However, by being honest and admitting to my friends that parenting is hard it accomplishes two things.
1. It makes them finally give me the respect I deserve.
2. I prepares them for parenting, so they don’t enter into it jaided in the fact that the rest of the world thinks its easy, so why don’t they.
I guess, from now on, if your just going to lie, to make you look better, then keep it to yourself. We all know you are lying. Some of us are just better and nice people rather then to call you out and tell you what a shit ass job you are doing, like you choose to tell me every day.
*A note, to my mommy bloggers. This post was in no way addressed to you. This post was more addressed to a lot of the real people in my life. This also isn’t a knock to ALL of my friends at all, just to a lot of the people who lately have felt like they need to point out what a shit ass job I’m doing.