HERE IS MY CURRENT CRAVING LIST IN ORDER OF IMPORTANCE

1. AN EGG AND CHEESE ONLY BISCUIT FROM MCDONALDS

1. HASH BROWNS AND CHEESY BITES FROM BURGER KING ONLY

1. AN EGGO WITH BOYSENBERRY SYRUP

1. A CHOCOLATE CAKE DONUT

1. A MAPLE DONUT

1. A BLUE BERRY KRISPY KREME

1. A CHOCOLATE DONUT WITH SPRINKLES…LOTS AND LOTS AND LOTS OF SPRINKLES.

THIS IS SERIOUS BUSINESS PEOPLE, I HAVE NONE OF THESE THINGS, BUT I DO HAVE TEARS BECAUSE I’M SO UPSET OVER IT ALL!

This one started last night.

I really really want Eggos, extra crunchy, slathered in butter covered in boysenberry syrup.

The fact that I don’t have this is causing me to be sad and irritable.

So Chelle got me involved in the interview game. What happened is, on her page someone asked her 5 questions. Then anyone who wanted to play told her and in return she asked them five questions based on things she thinks they would be interested in. Soooo, here are the answers that Chelle asked me. If you want to play, leave me a comment and I will email you, 5 questions based on stuff I know about you.

Here we go …

Here ya’ll go….

From the FDA
Defect Action Levels:
WHEAT FLOUR – Average of 75 or more insect fragments per 50 grams. Average of 1 or more rodent hairs per 50 grams
CORNMEAL – Average of 1 or more whole insects (or equivalent) per 50 grams. Average of 25 or more insect fragments per 25 grams. Average of 1 or more rodent hairs per 25 grams, or average of 1 or more rodent excreta fragment per 50 grams.

Maybe this means cocoa crispies are safe since they are made of rice. I’m not risking it.

So, I was speaking with a new friend. Somehow we got on the subject of how she won’t eat anything creamy. In fact it is a phobia causing her to cry and even vomit. I double checked this with a mutual friend and yes in fact it is true. This girl lives her life with out the following foods

Cream cheese
Cream sauces
Gravy
Whipped cream
Mayo
Creamy soups
Ranch dressing
Guacamoli
and so on

We got to chatting and I started thinking about a few of my quirks.

1. I hate the smell of eggs. I used to love eggs, all runny and gooey with my toast dipped in em. Then one day I opened the dishwasher and smelled egg and nearly barfed then and there. Here comes the quirk. Now, I smell every dish before I use it. I do not generally drink out of cups from restaurants because they all smell like egg, if I’m dead thirsty I will drink something not water and only out of a straw. IF I pull a bowl out of the cabinet and smell egg on it, I will then smell all the bowls. If any smell like egg, back in the sink they go. If my food taste eggy I won’t eat it. I scrape the top off french toast, I don’t eat chilli relanos cuz its in egg. Egg drop soup NO. Egg in my fried rice HELL NO. Now, once a year, I will eat egg salad, hidden in bread and only if the eggs are so over cooked they appear green. AND only after I have scraped out that weird jelly thing in the middle of the yolk.

2. I can’t stand kissing after someone has spit. It way grosses me out. I am offended and yell at my husband often for this.

3. I am petrified of the bugs that live in carpet. Terrified. So much so that I will only sit on my carpet maybe once a year and that is Christmas morning. I don’t even like new carpet or just washed carpet or carpet still wrapped in plastic. No.

4. I hate the word shut up. It makes me so angry!

5. I do not eat any cereal. Not since I found out it contains bug pieces and bug eggs.

One of my biggest conflicts with mother hood is the fact that in real life I seem to be the only one struggling with it. Aside from my blogger friends (because really we are all here just to be honest) it seems like all of my real friends find parenting to be a breeze. I have a lot of friends with out kids, and so many of them don’t quite seem to understand why I’m always tired, or frazzled, or unshowered, or my socks don’t match. Its as though they just think it is ME who can’t handle this job. I only have three actual friends with kids. One of them basically makes parenting seem over hard, but since she has been doing it longer, she talks down to me like I am a complete dummy who just doesn’t get it. The second one. Oh my. When I told her (way way back when) that I was really really struggling with the idea of having a second child she responded, “I don’t find parenting to be hard at all, I can’t imagine I would have any problem having two!” I shit you not she said that. She left me the questioning myself for the longest time. I began wondering if I was really the only one who didn’t find this all to be so simple.

But finally. I remembered my other friend. Emily. She has a habit for being brutally honest. The good kind of honest, that sometimes you just need to hear. So I finally wrote her and told her how, basically, I am freaking out about having a second child. Her response,

“I’d be lying if I told you it were easy, it’s gonna be tough, but it’s so worth it”

WHAT!!!!

Some one actually spoke the truth. I was so impressed and touched that she didn’t try and sugar coat it. I feel like I’m surrounded by people who think making themselves seem like heros is the best plan of action. I imagine these girls, who sit there telling me how wonderful and simply parenting is, locking themselves in their rooms at night and crying themselves to sleep. It is as though they equate parenting to, I don’t know, eating chocolate.

I think parents (as in our parents) are so guilty of this also. I feel like since they haven’t parented in so long they forget about the sleepless nights, and the teething, and the temper tantrums.

I also think that so many people are afraid of looking bad so they lie to themselves. I have friends with some pretty rotten kids, and all they do is tell me how awful my son is, and how great their own child is. When my son has a temper tantrum, AS DO ALL CHILDREN, they tell me, that can’t imagine raising a child like mine. I have to laugh. It takes all my might to not say, WAIT, DID YOU FORGET, YOUR OWN CHILD WAS LAYING ON THE FLOOR OF THE SUPERMARKET KICKING AND SCREAMING LAST WEEK, AND YOU JUDGE ME????” I am flabergasted as they sit there pretending their child isn’t a monster like all the other kids out there. That is what kids do. They throw fits, they hit, they bite, they scream, THEY ACT LIKE KIDS.

I am even more appalled that people would still speak so negatively knowing I am pregnant right now. Knowing I’m scared shitless. They have the nerve to see my son do something bad and then reply, “and your going to have two.” Thanks for that. Thanks for making me feel better then I did five minutes ago. Or when they lie to me, and tell me how great parenting is, I sit here freaking out because I’m about to have two and I’m the only one who can’t handle one. I hate it. Hate hate hate it.

I have found it so amusing as my friends with out kids have started spending more time with me, that they are starting to understand, that I’m not lying when I say, this shit is hard. I put my son on web cam one morning for a friend of mine to see. After about an hour I think I had pretty much scared her off the idea of having kids forever. However, by being honest and admitting to my friends that parenting is hard it accomplishes two things.

1. It makes them finally give me the respect I deserve.

2. I prepares them for parenting, so they don’t enter into it jaided in the fact that the rest of the world thinks its easy, so why don’t they.

I guess, from now on, if your just going to lie, to make you look better, then keep it to yourself. We all know you are lying. Some of us are just better and nice people rather then to call you out and tell you what a shit ass job you are doing, like you choose to tell me every day.

*A note, to my mommy bloggers. This post was in no way addressed to you. This post was more addressed to a lot of the real people in my life. This also isn’t a knock to ALL of my friends at all, just to a lot of the people who lately have felt like they need to point out what a shit ass job I’m doing.

Pretty sure I spoke to soon. You want to know a terrible feeling. Sitting on the couch swallowing back the afternoon sickness brewing in your belly. I was so sure this was a girl since I wasn’t sick. Now I’m sitting here and I just know I will vomit by the end of the night. I shouldn’t have opened my big mouth and said I was doing well. I shouldn’t have said I knew it was a girl. It must be a boy since I’m sick. Phooey on morning sickness!

My grandma use to knit….or crochet, or, which ever one uses that little hook thingy and not the chopsticks…Okay looked it up, she would crochet. Anyway, grams could crochet you ANYTHING.. She made me baby clothes, she even made my baby dolls clothes and once she made me a doll that was crochet and stuffed with cotton balls and dressed in clothes that grams had cut out of her old clothes. She could also make those doily things really well. When I was small I could actually crochet scarves and stuff. Since then, after grams died I tried again and came out with a long string that looked like a dog got a hold of it. Back to the point. At grams house there was always yarn laying around, and two kids who just HAD to play with it. My little cousin Russ and I. So with out further ado I bring you…

THINGS TO DO WITH GRAMS YARN:

1. Wrestling ring- Tie yarn to 4 corners. This becomes wrestling ring. Throw small cousin into ring and proceed to kick his ass totally like the Hulk and Macho Man Randy Savage….he was always dorky Bam Bam Bigelo, whatever.
2. Boobie Trap- Since we were small and Home Alone had just come out in the theater we were hell bent on saving grandmas house like Makali. So we would take the yarn and tie it to the TV, then over to the chair, then to the table, then back to the TV, then to the candy dish, then to the stairs, the kitchen table, the couch and so on. Thus making it impossible for ANYONE to get through the house with out breaking a hip.
3. Fish- We would go to the top of her stairs and tie yarn to the banister, then one of us would go downstairs and pretend to be a fish and tie stuff to the others pole so they could reel in the big one….NO WE WERE NOT NERDY YOUR A NERD SO SHUT UP.
4. Tie down your cousin when he is bad- This one is self explanatory.

1- Yoplait lowfat cherry yogurt

28- Almonds (1 serving)

2- pickle wedges covered in mustard

Hmmmm, sounded almost normal till that third one huh….Yes, today I am craving mustard…..My pickles need more mustard gotta go!