Another episode of "There’s no doubt he’s her kid"

Guest post by Ginger

First of all, I am so sad because I wrote this whole blog and then my computer crashed and I lost it. I’ll try to re-create my magic!

After reading yesterday about Shannon’s (and Brandon’s) play date with Emery, the first thing I thought was how true it is that Brandon is Shannon’s kid. Now I’m sure all kids throw dirt and things but from my experience, Brandon definitely likes to throw things. Dirt, his Cheetos, a shoe (and then a sock), anything out of the shopping cart, his (full) apple juice container at my head…you get the drift.

Has Shannon ever shared with you how much she liked to throw things at her friends (and/or shove them in their faces.)? Dirt, peanut butter, pizza, flour…

My favorite memory that comes to mind is one day Shannon was hanging out at my house. We were wandering around the neighborhood, getting into all sorts of trouble I’m sure. I don’t remember the exact details, but we got in a dirt fight (because we were super girly girls like that). And yes she started it. We had dirt EVERYWHERE. In our hair. In our ears. In our clothes. In..well you get the picture. Did I mentioned that we were middle school? Eventually Shannon’s mom showed up to pick her up. After she left, I continued to hang out with some of the hoodlums in my neighborhood. After about 5 minutes I see Shannon’s mom’s car head back down the road towards me. She flips a U-turn so she is on the same side of the road as me and rolls down the window. “WHY IS THERE DIRT IN MY DAUGHTERS EARS AND HAIR?” She shouts at me. Anyone who knows Shannon’s mom know exactly the tone of voice she was using! I was shocked. Shannon just sat there all quiet and innocent, like she didn’t do ANYTHING wrong and I was the one who started the dirt fight. I WAS SO NOT THE ONE WHO STARTED IT!

And then there was the time my dad took us out for pizza and out of no-where she just shoved my piece of pizza in my face. Emery, Ezra…I would watch out for these two if I were you.

She beat me to it

My mom was making bets on who would post first and dang it Emery totally wins! I have to steal some of her pics because my camera battery took a shit right when they walked in, so I only got about 4 pictures. First I have to say tell you about my little freak out. Emery emailed me a while back ago and said she would be in Reno and we should meet up. I was like oh cool, yeah, NEVER GONNA HAPPEN. You know like,

“Sure sure dahling of course we’ll do dinner,” only it never happens.

Now please understand that I didn’t it wouldn’t happen cuz of Emery, I thought it wouldn’t happen because I am a nervous freakazoid who doesn’t do well around new people, and the Emery of today is totally a new people to me. Anyway about 30 minutes before Emery arrived I started freaking out to Stephanie that I was totally afraid of Emery coming over. You see, I have a tendency to get all nervous and talk to much and act like a dork. I mean honestly I’m just short of shaking and sweating and snorting when I laugh when I get around people. Yeah I said people. I’m like this around all people but my 4 close friends. Then I started thinking, shit, my kid is gonna be a huge bully and pick on her son and her son looks like a good kid. Crap crap crap.

My door bell rang and I was all DUN DUN DUN here goes nothing. The first thing I saw was Ezra. OKAY pictures don’t do justice to this kid people. He should be in magazines he is so freaking cute. I mean CUTE! Then he started talking and I was like ohmygosh listen to that little voice. Then Emery came in and dammit her hair was stunning and I actually spent a good five minutes standing behind her while she was sitting on the floor with the boys wondering how in the hell she got her hair to do that with all those clippy things. In the beginning the boys got along great. I of course talked to much and Emery totally went along with it and listened to my rambling and didn’t even give me one single WILLYOUPLEASESHUTUPWOMAN look! Brandon loved having a boy over to play with. They acted just like boys, they threw rocks, threw dirt, threw Cheetos, and of course they got into a couple wrestling matches.


Playing with the airplane and the m&m car that caused both wrestling matches. Oh there was a scuffle over a quarter too.


Memorized by Shark Tale


Jumping on the bed just like boys. This totally thrilled me because seriously I’m the hugest advocate of bed jumping! I say boys should be boys!


Seconds before they both started slinging dirt all over. They came in with dirt in their hair, pants and shoes. I’m scared to look in Brandon’s ears. Whatever though, Brandon had a blast, a little dirt won’t hurt right.


And then came the wrestling. Emery and I were all,”Oh how funny they are totally wrestling over the toy,” it was really cute. They both clamped on to that car so hard and it was almost like an arm wrestling match where they were both just frozen on the toy and it was like first to let go loses. Then they started throwing punches and smacking each other. While it was really cute to capture Brandon’s first real fight Emery and I thought MAYBE just maybe we should step in.

All in all it was just totally awesome to have a friend come over and listen to me talk and talk and talk and talktalktalktalktalk. But then you won’t believe what happened. Emery said we should do it again. I about died. I didn’t scare my new friend off. I told her we should make a park date because seriously I would love to see the fun these two boys can have with a slide and some swings and an even bigger pile of dirt!

Thank you Emery I had a super blast! Our next meet up should involve a park and some Starbucks!

Solicitors should not mess with these hormones

Monday my phone rang. I have this nifty thingy on my phone where when it rings a guy reads out the number calling. Yeah that helps for when I’m to lazy to pick up the handset and look caller ID. That means when I hear the little guy say 1-8 I just hang it up or ignore it, or I let Brandon answer it.

WELL! On Monday I had just gotten both boys down for their nap. I was totally tuckered out, and all I wanted was some damn breakfast. Ring ring ring. 1-888-5…I walked over to the base and pushed on and off and simply hung the phone up. Went back to making my Cream of Wheat when Ring Ring Ring 1-888-5…Again I walk over and just hang it up. I take about four steps and RING RING RING 1-888-5 OH MY FUCKING GOSH ARE YOU SERIOUS! Oh I was pissed. Here is what happened.

Shannon: Turns on phone doesn’t let lady talk and says, “Are you fucking kidding me? Why the fuck are you calling my house three times in a row? I hung up on you twice, I just got two kids to sleep one of which is a fucking new born and you feel like you need to keep calling my fucking house, are you out of your mind?”

Lady: Yes this is so in so with such and such and

Shannon: ARE YOU HEARING ME I DON’T WANT TO TALK TO YOU TAKE ME OFF YOUR STUPID LIST STOP CALLING MY HOUSE YOU ARE RUDE TO CALL ME THREE TIMES IN A ROW WHEN I CLEARLY HUNG UP ON YOU!

Lady: Yes well I can remove you from my list but it takes a few days so you will continue to receive calls for a few days.

Shannon: OH MY FUCKING GOD, I SWEAR I DARE YOU TO CALL MY HOUSE AGAIN, YOU ARE MORONS, I HAVE TWO FUCKING KIDS SLEEPING, YOU ARE CALLING ME TO SELL ME SOMETHING FOR KIDS, YOU OBVIOUSLY KNOW I HAVE KIDS, WHY THE FUCK WOULD YOU CALL MY HOUSE 3 TIMES IN 2 MINUTES. ARE YOU GUYS IDIOTS OR WHAT. TAKE ME OFF YOUR LIST!

CLICK!

They just called me today! Lucky for them I was on the other line. I’m waiting for the next call, I’m feeling frisky!

You only think I’m cute

You may all think he’s o so cute. But right before this picture was taken, he had pooped four times, in 3 diapers, in 4 minutes. I would wait each time give him some time watch him, make sure he was done and fasten a new diaper on. He would grin and then SPLOOOOOOOOOOGEEEEE (he’s a super loud pooper) he would poop again. I finally changed the fourth diaper and gave up. I walked out of the room and put him on his boppy.

43 seconds later, while I was taking this sweet innocent picture of him being cute, he was busy splooooging again! He is down for a nap now, he has since pooped about 3 more times. I changed him once more and then gave up and decided I’m giving him about 20 minutes to finish whatever little pooping marathon he is on!


I’m just so happy Brandon loves Codi this much. I can’t wait for them to be older and team up against me and fart on me, and booby trap the house and have that brotherly bond that only daddy can infiltrate long enough to help them plot bigger and better antics against me!


Big Brother and Little Brother!

Again, no dna test neccessary

Although this one looks just like me he has some traits that make it obvious he belongs to Rob!

I’m crying because I’m starving. But my mom won’t feed me because I peed out my diaper all over my jammies and she thinks she needs to change me before I get to eat. Gee who cares if my jammies are all covered in pee I want food woman!

So hungry I’m going to eat my shirt here.

Whaaaaaaaa I peed on myself again and I’m pissed.

Fine I’ll relax a little so you can hurry up and finish changing me and give me some food woman!

Oh yeah and put on my cute shoes

Ha ha ha, you just changed me but I’m going to poop. (This is where he is like Rob. He poops loud enough you can hear it in another room. He also just pooped out of his diaper that I put on him not even 2 minutes before. And finally he farts at least 20 times an hour. That is not an exaggeration. Also just like daddy he smiles really big when he farts and poops and is very proud of himself). We went through 4 diapers in 20 minutes today.


I’m tired of this. I got my food, and my poops out, just leave me alone!


Brandon saw me get the camera and he sat on the floor and said I SMILE I SMILE. So here you go, Brandon smiling!


Isn’t he so cute


Also Brandon sneaking up on you BOO!

My Christmas wish list

Patty did a thingy about what she actually wanted for Christmas and what she didn’t want. That got me thinking. This year, with a new baby, and winter being slow money is kind of tight. It seems to me, it would be so much more beneficial to get stuff we could really actually use no matter how boring they are, then to get a bunch of stuff we will just put in a box or cup board some where. So here you go, the things Rob and I actually want vs. the things we really don’t want to get again.

NEEDS

  • A gift card to Sephora. Rob and I are running low on our Philosophy face wash and that shit is expensive. I am also all out of my amazing Philosophy shampoo and conditioner, which means I resorted to buying something less expensive from the store. It is drying out my hair and burning my eyes but spending nearly $50.00 on shampoo is something I just can’t bring myself to do right now.
  • A Barnes & Noble Gift card. I just want to read a good book but spending $20.00 plus on a book right now is just not something I’m excited about.
  • Snowboarding passes or gift cards for Rob- The years before I would buy him passes, they cost an arm and a leg and a little toe. We discovered the passes were a bad idea because not all his friends got the same ones and in addition to paying a shit ton of money for his pass I would then have to pay a shit ton of money for a one day ticket at where ever his friends were going. Last year I decided to just ask for passes and gift cards to his favorite ski resorts. The awesome part about the gift cards is he was also able to use them to buy snacks and drinks while he was up there.
  • Carls Junior and Del Taco gift cards. My husband is fricking addicted to this burrito at Carls Junior. However, since they raised the price he doesn’t like buying them as often as he wants because he prefers to save his money for stuff like KFC and Michuacan (dirty little taco place he is hooked on). Then at Del Taco he loves these fish tacos but he says they cost more then just Taco Bell so he won’t buy them there.

Thats it. That is all the stuff we want. I suppose I could throw in a Starbucks card for either of us, but since I’m dieting Starbucks will be so rare for me that I can afford it the once every week or every two weeks I go there. Also, yes Rob has his own money. I started a little checking account attached to our joint account and I put money in there weekly for him. He has a debit card and is free to buy all the JUNK FOOD he wants out of his account. That is seriously almost all he uses it for. JUNK FOOD. But it is a lot easier then me constantly nagging him about just how much Carls Junior, KFC and Taco Bell can one man eat! He loves it and I love it more because I don’t have to see just how much money is wasted on Junk food. Keeps us both happy. Plus at Christmas I put money in his account for him to buy my presents so I don’t see them in our account when I do the bank rec every day! (yes I reconcile my checking account every day shut up).

WANTS
These are different from needs. These are things that would be cool to get but I would rather get stuff on the need list then the want list.

  • Anything for my kitchen. Especially a new cutting bored. Mine is done, it smells and there for has been banished from my kitchen till I get a new big one. I’m halfway there with a gift card from my mom who knows the way to my heart is through Williams Sonoma, my heart skips a beat typing that word.
  • Car washes for Rob. He likes to wash his car like EVERY DAMN DAY. That boy drives me nuts.
  • Car doohickeys for Robs tahoe. See Rob likes to soup up his car. Me I HATE IT! Cars are meant to be stock. Don’t touch my car. I don’t want to add anything or mess with anything or fix it or paint it or make it fancy. I like to roll stock. The ONLY thing I will be doing to my new car is having the windows tinted so Rob will quit bitching when he drives it and to keep the sun out of the boys eyes. Rob and I are so very very different this way. I would rather have a stock car and he would rather have no stock parts left on his car.
  • New dishes. I am ready to finally own some dishes that actually cost money, not Martha Stewart dishes from K-Mart. I think I will save those for my next house though, since we all know that good dishes can cost a shit ton of money and this time I want, all the plate sizes, bowls, cups, mugs, and serving dishes. Yes that is right, I finally feel grown up enough to want some serving dishes that match my dishes. This also means I can garage sale all my mishmash of shit that is currently cluttering my cabinets.
  • Gift cards to the trendy clothing shops and shoe shops for Rob. IE Abercrombie, Buckle, American Eagle, and uhh that other store next door to American Eagle. The boy needs some nice jeans, some nice pants, a dress jacket and some real shoes!

Thats about it in the want category. These are all things that I think I will wait to acquire until I get my new house. The other stuff Rob wants, well he always wants that stuff so I get it for him little by little throughout the year!

DON’T WANTS

  • Candles. no no no. The only candles I like are Salt City. And I don’t know anyone who is crazy enough like me to spend that kind of money on good candles. So since people never buy salt city, with the exception of Katie, because well Katie totally gets it about the Salt City, I just would rather not get the yicky kinds. When I do get yicky kinds I just take em to work and give them away!
  • Gift cards to go to dinner. Rob and I won’t be going out to eat anytime soon with a new baby and me dieting. I’m a pain in the ass when I diet.
  • Clothes. Some people insist on buying me clothes or jammies. Only problem is they like to buy them in a small or medium which right now my body finds offensive.

The best of Shannon cheats part one

Cody!

First of all let me just tell you two things. One, your only going to get a short version of the stories because I don’t have the patience to type out long drawn out stories. Second, you will not get the best of all the stories, because seriously my mom reads this now and I do have a little pride left!

Back to Cody.

I met Cody at the gym. He had a rock hard body and was insanely good looking. He was a vegetarian and into some kind of Zen type stuff. Cody was awesome. Problem was, he was just to nice for me. We dated on and off for a few years and then my Junior year in high school we decided to give dating a real try. Anyway I got kind of bored with it right around the time he made a new friend Brett. One night Cody and I were hanging out with his friends KC and Brett. We all decided to go to the hot tub. However it was winter so I was dressed in jeans and cute boots and stuff. So I decided I was only going to roll up my jeans and put my legs in to avoid freezing my ass off. Anyway I pulled off my boots and revealed my rainbow stripe toe socks. Brett was amazed. He had never seen anything so silly or ridiculous in his life but at the same time he found it insanely cute. He was obsessed for the rest of the night with my stupid socks.

After that we went in to Bretts room and we were all hanging out. Codi and KC were chilling on the floor by Brett’s bed and I was chilling on the bed with Brett. We were all talking and laughing and then suddenly I realized it was Brett and I talking and laughing and Codi and KC were clearly pissed. Cody told me he was going to go down town ( I was supposed to go with him) and KC was gonna go too. I looked at Brett, looked at them and said, Nah I’m gonna go ahead and stay here.

Long story short I spent the night making out with Brett and in the morning Cody called me wondering if we were still together and actually trusting I did nothing wrong. I explained to him that we were different, something about a deck of cards and not being the same suit (I may have smoked a little weed before our talk) and I totally broke his heart.

Brett and I continued hooking up and then the fun wore off. He was a Canadian hockey player bad boy, but eventually all the hockey talk go to me. Anyway I bumped into Cody again later on and can you believe he was stupid enough to date me again? Wanna guess how that ended.

You know what is funny. Writing this whole post I honestly can’t remember if his name was spelled Cody or Codi. I also can’t remember his last name. How sad. He was in my life on and off for about 4 years. However I can remember every thing about Brett, the guy I messed with for about 2 months total.

So on a scale of 1-10 how bad is it that I totally sent my boyfriend away so I could stay at his friends house and make out with his friend?