Today is my 4 year wedding anniversary. We are going out for dinner tonight and all I’m thinking is, “Dude you need to shave your fucking legs Shannon.” Seriously ya’ll if you rub your hand over my leg you get an awesome exfoliating affect. Add some lotion and lavender scent and it’s a full on spa treatment for free!

On top of the sexy legs I now have retainers again. I had braces back in middle school and of course retainers after. About 4 years after having my braces removed I gave up on my retainers. Well now 10ish years later my teeth have shifted to the point of needing retainers again. In fact if I had waited much longer I would have had to have braces again. So I now have myself a shiny new set of clear retainers! That also means I talk like thith. I sound like an athhole when I anthwer the phone at work. Also MY TEETH FUCKING HURT. Like I said Rob and I are going to dinner tonight and I’m wondering if the place we are going has any mush on the menu. Maybe they can blend my bruschetta up into a nice Gazpacho, I mean they are the same thing right!

Also even though I only have like 8 dishes at my house currently I somehow manage to have about 53 in my sink. What the fuck? How is it I don’t have spoons, strainers, pans, or bowls but I have an entire sink full of dirty dishes? I hadn’t cooked dinner in quite a while with all this house shit. It was a lot of Taco Bell and take out orders. I tried cooking dinner last week which resulted in making gravy with corn starch. We have only one pan so that meant I had to boil potatoes then take them out and mash them in a bowl while washing the pan and starting the gravy. I was so frustrated with that I stopped cooking again. I also hadn’t been to the store in over a month. I had bought NOTHING! Finally on Monday I gave up and went to the store. I had to set my pride aside and take some help from the store. I bought some of those frozen Bertolli pasta meals in a bag (Rob LOVED the Alfredo chicken one), some frozen pizzas, and I shit you not I bought the Country Crock premade mashed potatoes. I bought fresh meat, some salad, fruit and veggies too. It’s been a relief all week making dinner but not having to use 500 pans and take an entire hour that I just don’t have right now. Two nights ago I grilled an amazing bone in rib eye and roasted asparagus. Then I popped a loaf of premade garlic bread from Whole Foods in the oven and my microwave potatoes and wala I had dinner. I only made ONE dish! Well, 3 if you count our two plates and the ENORMOUS Tupperware I used to marinate since I didn’t have any baggies. The Bertoli meal in bag took 10 minutes I shit you not and was fucking delicious.

I was almost embarrassed to buy the food. Feeling like somehow I was sucking as a wife. But then I realized that sucking as a wife would be not even trying at all and being totally okay with fast food and take out. But then I realized I had to wave my white flag and surrender. I just can’t devote an hour to cooking every night right now, but I do have 20 minutes to give to it and at least now we all are around the dinner table again and I’ve at least cooked something rather then let someone else do it. Oh well. Someday we will be fully moved in and I can go back to cooking real food and updating my food website!

In the mean time we are going to dinner at a great little Italian place tonight called Johnnys Little Italy and the server may or may not be able to grate Parmesan off my legs!

My husband and his friends are VERY creative huh?

Brandon picked me some flowers. My mom was worried I don’t weed enough…but see I’ve got Brandon on the job!

Ginger showed up at my house with these cookies the other night. A few days ago we were talking about some Oreo’s that Brandon’s teacher suggested we try. We went on a mission to locate them and when we did we were totally disappointed. Ginger mentioned these other cookies she had once. About 5 days later she emails me to tell me she actually drove out of her way to the little place that sells them to buy me some just so I could taste them.

I ATE THE WHOLE FUCKING BAG!

This might be the best cookie I’ve ever had. It was a cross between a chocolate covered graham cracker, a kit kat and a little slice of HEAVEN ON EARTH!

They can be found at World Market

Rob waving at the camera. The other picture was actually him flipping me off. Why?

This is about the 298598th time this month he has had to move the fridge. Do you know why? Because our fridge has a water and ice feature. Rob likes to prop his water bottle up into the water filler thing and then WALK AWAY. Every damn time he walks away and just leaves it to overflow and flood the ENTIRE FUCKING KITCHEN. He floods it so damn bad he has to pull out the fridge and mop under that. Sigh!

Hmmm what is in this cabinet?

It’s my brother Brandon!!!!!

Hi Codi want to come into my fort?

Sure I’ll come in and play

MOOOOM NO GIRLS ALLOWED PLEASE LEAVE!

Other random tidbits.

Karma is laughing at me. I just went to pack my lunch and realized that the very water bottle that Rob floods the house with all the time was sitting on the counter with out a lid ON IT’S SIDE. Yeah it had flooded my entire cabinet, lunch, appliances and so on.

Rob told me last night that until he moved to Reno he had never had real mashed potatoes only BOXED mashed potatoes. I find that weird. It reminded me of back in the day when my cousin Lisa and I would be broke and hungry. We would get on her moped scrounge up a buck and go to the store and buy a box of mashed potatoes. It would feed us for quite a while.

Codi finally got a tooth. He also finally ate some food. He has eaten about 4 bites of spaghetti, 3 bites of sweet potatoes, 3.5 bites of banana and 58983047 organic Cheetos. Fucking kid hates food. No rice cereal, oatmeal, veggies, mashies, bread, butter, NOTHING.

Wait. I forgot. He will eat ice cream. No maternity test needed, he is mine!

Brandon has taken to walking around in his underwear with his hand down his pants like Homer. Which reminds me of last nights conversation. Talking to my husband last night we stumbled upon a conversation where he told me that him and his brother compared “sizes” when they were younger. This totally peeked my curiosity. Is this normal? Do all brothers show their stuff and compare? Do girls compare boobs and I’m just out of the loop because I didn’t have a sister? What other weird things do siblings do that I don’t know about??????

Learning quirks about siblings is one thing, but learning quirks about boys is a whole other thing for me. I don’t know shit about gross things boys do growing up. I’m in for it aren’t I?

When I was little my favorite time of the year was school shopping. When Brandon was born of course I bought him a ton of clothes but there was never much of a purpose. I just bought cute things. Slowly you learn the mistake in that. For instance buying cute little outfits with pants shirts and jackets when your kid is crawling is mostly pointless. No one really sees it, it gets dirty, the little jackets get in the way and it’s a lot of shit to deal with during a diaper change. This time around Codi has mostly lived in onsies and footie jammies. He still has all of Brandons cute outfits which are handy for photos or dinners out. I would have saved a lot of money had I known that with Brandon.

Now that Brandon is older and walking and potty trained there is a lot of different things that come to mind when shopping. For instance, overalls while cute are now OUT! they are way to hard for kids to take off to go potty. Same goes for belts. I firmly believe in the adjustable waist pants now! I am presenting to you my must haves for school shopping this year!

First off, since Brandon is potty trained he gets to wear big boy undies. For the longest time he only wore the Hanes boxer briefs in red and blue. Last week I went to Gymboree and found these little boxer briefs. They are $7.00 which is very pricey for undies, but if you go on the sale rack you can find tons for $3.49. Anyway, I brought home two pairs and now that is all Brandon wants to wear. I’ve been slowly collecting them all and we now have all designs minus the pirate ones (which I want BAD) because they still don’t have his size.
Also on my list is hooded sweatshirts THAT DO NOT ZIP. Last year the zip up hoodies were fine. Then Brandon learned to unzip his fucking shirts. This means that he can just unzip it and toss it any ole place. At school this is a bad thing because other kids take them, they get lost, or since he doesn’t know how to zip it back up he will go outside in the cold with out a jacket since he doesn’t quite understand asking the teacher for it back. When I went shopping yesterday I was on a mission for these. THE ONLY place I found them were at Gymboree. They were $20.00. I bought two and plan to buy two more in a couple more weeks if they go on sale. Currently Gymboree is having a sale on a ton of items where anything $12.50 – $20.00 is only $10.00 and anything $21.50 – $30.00 is only $20.00. They had some great jeans for only $10.00 there.
The next thing on my list of must haves is clothes for school. My school requires you to leave TWO changes of weather appropriate clothes there at all times. This drives me nuts because I don’t want to buy nice stuff and have it just sit at the school. I also like to keep some clothes for him at work, and in my car, and have some stuff to leave at my parents house. For this I go to Walmart. I did everything in one color so you can see they sell everything in sets (they even had tees and shorts that match for summer).

These long sleeve shirts are very soft and only $3.50. They are sturdy yet soft and wash well. I buy two of each color usually.
These pull on pants rock. They are soft and also ONLY $3.50. I don’t care if Brandon gets them muddy and gross and I don’t mind leaving them at school, work or families. I also love just having some really cheap pants around for playing in the sandbox or with his sidewalk paints. Not pictured are the matching sweats which are only five bucks. Would you believe these stupid cheap sweats are my FAVORITE toddler sweats of all time! They are soft, don’t shrink and last forever. I buy a gazillion of them a year.
These are the matching sweatshirts. They are $3.50 also. I like to have a few of these around to throw on under his jackets, keep in my car or just wherever.
I’m sure a lot of people are absolutely against shopping at Walmart for kids clothes. For someone like me who prefers Gap, Gymboree, and Dillards Walmart is a stretch. However some things I just love getting there. They have great socks, undies, and kids wife beaters (A shirts). I always stock up on the wife beaters for winter as a second layer under long sleeve shirts.

For shoes this year there are two pair I’m really feeling for winter. We bought these Sketcher Nollies. I loved the brown coloring because it matched a lot of clothes I bought Brandon. I also love that they are Velcro so he can put them on with out help from the teachers.
Every single season we get a new pair of black converse Velcro shoes. He will probably own these until he moves out and can buy his own shoes.
Finally we get to real clothes. I prefer to buy all Brandon’s jeans at Baby Gap. Yes they are expensive but they last. I pay $24.50 – $30.00 regular price for them. I realize that seems pricey but I have two boys so I need thing that will last for Codi. So far every single pair of Brandons Gap jeans look as good as the first day I bought them. They also have amazing sales. Right now there are some jeans down to $19.99. However if you go in throughout the season you can find jeans and shirts from $3.99 – $6.99. I buy stuff a year in advance sometimes if I like it enough. Here are two of the pairs of jeans I got him this year (we got more, these are my faves)

I loooove waffle shirts. They go great under hoodies, and jackets. They keep him warm but not so warm that they are hot when he is inside for class. They come in tons of colors and at gap if you buy more then one they are only $9.00 each. I have bought these every year for Brandon and each shirt still looks new so I’m happy knowing they can be passed right down to Codi.
I got a couple of these waffle shirts also. They were $16.50 so a little pricier. I love them because they are fun colors and can really tie an outfit together. This shirt can go with browns, reds, and denim.
Finally I love to hit up Old Navy for some fleece. I got there right on time and was able to find these fleece jackets for $9.90 and the pants for only $7.90. Fleece is so versatile. It is soft, and warm. It’s great to put on under snow pants. I like it also because it is comfortable. On days he is feeling a little blah I like to put him in his fleece. It’s nicer to nap in at school plus durable. Old Navy really does good with fleece. I have all of Brandons fleece sets saved for Codi. They wash well, don’t bunch and are stylish.

This is basically what I spent my weekend doing. Putting together a great winter wardrobe. Here is a breakdown total of what I got and why.

*6 pairs of jeans. (1 from Old Navy, 1 from Gymboree, and 4 from gap all adjustable waist) (one for each school day and a weekend day if needed that way I can make it one week with out having to wash jeans)
*2 pairs of pull on pants, sweat shirts, and long sleeve shirts from Walmart (to leave in his class as his change of clothes)
*2 pairs of fleece pants with matching jackets from Old Navy
*8 waffle shirts total (4 from Old Navy ((2 for $12.00)) and 4 of the above from Gap) I buy a lot to make outfits look different. Same jeans different shirt.
*1 pair of super cute Corduroy pants. (For dressier days, dinners out etc)
*2 sets of sweat pants and hooded sweat shirt (One from Gap and one from Babies R Us for $9.00)
*2 hooded non zip sweat shirts in basic colors (camo green and brown)
*2 hooded waffle shirts from Babies R Us.
*4 pairs of jammies. (I got 2 at Babies R Us and two at Walmart) (I have to admit I bought stupid matching jammies for Codi, I’ve never been that mom but just think of the pictures of the boys in matching jammies SQUEEEEEE!)
*8 new A shirts from Walmart in various colors
*8 new pairs of boxer briefs from Gymboree and Walmart
*Socks. I got 4 pairs from Gymboree in fun colors an styles. A ton on sale for $3.00 at Gap, again in fun colors. Finally a few standard pairs from Walmart in calf and ankle length so he had variety.
*6 Cute fun long sleeve shirts from Walmart and Gap (mostly Gap) just to change things up.
*6 pairs of finger gloves ($1.00 for a pack of two at Walmart)
* 2 beanie’s ($1.50 from Walmart)

I feel between the jeans, sweats and fleece pants Brandon has a full arsenal of pants for the year. He is also set shirt wise. One of the other things I forgot to mention is that I LOVE to get a couple plain color waffle shirts (white, brown, and black) to layer under his T-shirts. I spend a lot of money on good T-shirts there is no reason to waste them. Not to mention you can actually pay extra for that look at stores, so why not create it myself and spend half the price. 3 of the waffle shirts I bought above can create at least 20 different shirts when combined with Brandon’s T-shirts. Here is an example of the. REALLY. CUTE. SHIRTS. BRANDON has, so can you see why I would layer them and reuse them during winter?

Still on my list are snow boots, pants and a winter jacket. I also want to get some more cute beanie’s from Baby Gap but they didn’t make it into the budget this time. I don’t have to buy anything else again until next summer. I also didn’t buy anything for Codi. Well not true, I got the two cute pairs of matching jammies and one little matching sweat suit because Babies R Us clothes are buy one get one 50% off so I grabbed a little one for Codi. Other then that, since I buy everything of Brandon’s in high quality it has all lasted and I don’t have to buy ANYTHING for Codi AT ALL! So while it seems like I spent enough now, keep in mind I only have to shop for one kid! (My mom also went in halves with me at Gap, had she not I would have spaced my shopping out over the next 4 weeks, two pairs of pants and shirts per week!)

(Before anyone thinks Codi is getting screwed my mom did pick up this super cute outfit for him from Gap, and I also got him one really cute little sweat outfit so he did have two non hand me down outfits)

Pulling out a can of organic soup for dinner when you are starving
only to realize you don't have a can opener because it's at the other
house. Oops !

Sent from my iPhone

When your really hungry you figure out how to open the fucking soup.

Sent from my iPhone

* When you wake up in the middle of the night, crash around your nightstand for some Oragel, squish it hard enough to get some out and then feel it drip down all four of your fingers and onto your bed. Next time you should try and wake up enough to remember that is a new tube of Oragel so you don’t have to squeeze it so fucking hard.

* When your on your period and your panty liner folds over so next time you pee you rip out hair and create your own personal brazillian wax.

* When your good friend stops by with some exotic cookies and you eat all but 2 before morning. When you realize you only saved the cookies so you could dunk them in your fucking coffee in the morning.

* Trying to make it through a day on only one small cup of coffee with no other source of caffeine for the remainder of the day.

* When you wake up thinking that its the NEW best day ever because your new Macs (and upgrade for existing Macs) arrives, but then you can’t open them yet because the computer guy isn’t there. Meaning you spend the entire day staring longingly at cardboard boxes knowning there are shiny new iMacs in there that YOU CAN’T DO ANYTHING ABOUT!

* When the only room in your new house that is done is your kitchen, so you move your kitchen when you have friends and help in town, and then spend the next few days McGyvering dinner together with one plate, one pan, a spoon, and some plastic cups. Yeah, dinner is interesting.

* Teething babys…WHO BITE

* When you fold 4 loads of laundry AND THEN realize you now have to put 4 loads of laundry away.

* When you find one more fucking load in the dryer.

* Not having enough money to eat every meal at the super awesome salad bar you discovered by your house!

* So you eat chips, bread and cheese instead.

* Admitting you watch America’s Next Top Model

* AND LIKE IT

* Realizing it is time to get ready for work and you only have a half cup of coffee in you..this day isn’t going to be any better then yesterday!

(I’m on my lunch break this doesn’t count as blogging at work okay mom)

I’m on my period. I’m generally cranky and mean today. I’m also ravenous and in need of chocolate. Finally I give up, and decide I’m going next door to see what kind of sugar product I can locate. Fuck, at this point I think I would eat jelly off a spoon ( I know someone who used to do this when hungry at restaurants). While I’m outside cussing out my cramps and mocking things in my head I decide to check the mail. Inside in a bright PINK envelope I found a present from my secret lover. She really is good to me. My favorite part about Cristina is that she sends me shit for no reason. Not because she fucked up, or she wants something, or whatever, she does it, because she reads my stuff and knows I’m fucking freaking out and could probably use a chocolate bar right about now.

Want to know what was in the envelope?

Seriously, if that girl would move here I would marry her ass now! As payback for my last gift I mailed her a book and now that I finally got the other book back I wanted to send her I’ll be sticking that in the mail with something else. I don’t know what yet I want to think of something extra special rad to send to her because she always has my back!

Anyway, if your wondering what real friends are made of, that’s it right there CHOCOLATE IN THE MAIL!!!!!! (Or chocolate soufflé on your door step Gingy!)