Earlier last week Ginger and I were talking about this weekend. We had plans to go shopping for Rob and Brandon’s birthday parties. (Side note we got cool shit for Robs party, and I’m dying to post pictures already). She had mentioned that she wouldn’t be able to go until 10:00 because she had to walk her dog. Friday night I get the bright idea to tell her I’ll go on the walk with her. She mentions she is going to walk the hill at the park. I said sure okay I’ll just throw Codi in the Jeep stroller and it will be fun.
Saturday morning Ginger calls me and tells me that shes on her way. Rob is still sleeping and now I realize I have to take both boys. So I stick Codi in the Moby and Brandon in the stroller and set off to the park.
Then I see the hill. One look at it and I’m already tired. In fact looking at it felt like a work out. Ginger asks if I want her to take the stroller since I already have an extra 17 pounds strapped to me. I’m like, “noooooo I can handle this.” So off we go. Two and a half feet into the hill my ass starts screaming at me to turn back now. 7 feet into the hill my arms begin to cry and threaten decapitation if I don’t turn back.
Finally we got up the hill and I breathed. Then I looked up and saw a second big fucking hill. Ginger, trying to be helpful said that if I wanted we could go to the left which was a smaller hill instead of going up the very. steep. other. hill! My reply was, “dude, how will I live with myself if I pick the easy route?” She was like, “Shannon come on you have two kids and at least 50 lbs of extra weight, it is fine to pick the smaller hill.”
Alas, the stubborn side of me came out and after initially heading towards wussy hill I turned around and said, “FUCK IT we are going up the DEATH HILL.” And off we went. I would be lying if I didn’t say that I had to stop a couple times because that shit was hard. However as soon as I made it to the top of the hill Brandon decided he wanted out of the stroller. Little shit! I took Codi out of the Moby and plopped him into the stroller and Brandon happily chased Gingers dog around the trails.
At this point we ran into this lady who came chasing after us asking Ginger to put her dog on the leash because they had a “reactionary dog.” She then went on to say, “it’s not a mean dog, just protective and reactionary.” We put Gingers dog on the leash and then saw this lady running about a half mile back to her husband and dog and realized we had some time so we took the dog back off the leash. A little while later they catch us and Ginger is leashing her dog again. The husband comes up to me and starts prattling on about how leashes are laws and we should have our dog on a leash at all times. As he is doing this his, “nice, only reactionary dog” is muzzled and jumping about growling and foaming at the mouth. Picture the dog in the movie KUJO only fluffier and scarier. I get pissed off and say, “maybe a dog like that doesn’t belong on a hill like this.” After all there are tons of kids and runners around and it doesn’t seem safe. The guy totally loses his shit and starts screaming at me, at which point the tired, sore, angry part of me comes out and I said, “you know what, the dog is leashed how about you keep walking and just shut up.” (I only ONLY say shut up if I’m mad, and the fact that this guy just came up yelling about laws and shit when we were clearly leashing the dog and moving really really made me angry.” So the he retorts, “give me your name I’m reporting you to the cops.” To which I just laugh and said, “honey I have kids not dogs I’m not doing shit wrong so get the fuck out of my face!” So he moves on to Ginger who is standing 5 feet up the side of the hill off the trail to make room for these people and their dog with her dog leashed and he demands her name and address to report her. Ginger was like yeah not happing buddy. To which he starts hollering at me again and I respond with a very mature LALALALALALA I CAN’T HEAR YOU! I start waving him away with my hand and declare that I am done with this, I don’t have anything more to say. Their dog is still going ape shit and trying to tear Ginger apart and I finally just say, “thats one really nice dog you have there, be one your way now.” I was done. They then start yelling at another runner whose dog is off the leash. She’s like I have a virtual leash IT’S CALLED MY VOICE! She was pissed. Here are two people with two great dogs, on DOG WALKING TRAIL and these people come along with their KUJO scary mother fucker dog and expect us to just bow down to them. We spent the rest of the walk with Gingers dog on a stupid leash lamenting about how annoying it is that people like that take a dog for a walk on a mountain meant for other dogs. To me it seems that if their dog is always that awful they would walk him somewhere with out other dogs around, like, I dunno THEIR OWN BACK YARD!
After all the dog chaos my muscles were starting to relax and I was recovering from death hill when suddenly Brandon decides he is now to tired to walk. Unfortunately Codi is passed out in the stroller and I’m not moving him. Brandon tries various methods of riding on the stroller even trying to fit into the basket of the stroller. Finally he decides he wants to sit on my shoulders. So! I now have about 27ish pounds in stroller weight (assuming my big ass stroller only weighs about 10 pounds) and a 30 lb child on my shoulders and we are approaching the second hill. Once again I think I am going to die.
800 miles later Brandon gets excited at the option of the park at the bottom and decides to walk. Ginger, wanting to make him go faster offers to race him. The next thing I know they are taking off running, and, not wanting to be left 20 feet behind I have no choice but to start running UP HILL WITH A STROLLER!
We completed the walk and I decided after that, that I had just completed my exercise quota for the next 17 years! However, I also decided that if I just walked up that hill pushing a stroller with 50 lbs in it once a day (just up the hill not around) I would probably look like a body builder in less then like ooo 2 weeks. Seriously Sunday when I woke up my upper and lower arms hurt. My calves hurt. My thighs hurt. My ass hurt and even my abs felt worked out. I am actually thinking of trying to push the stroller up the BIG MASSIVE FUCK ME I’M GOING TO DIE part of the hill daily just to see what it does to me.
However the entire walk took us 2 hours and I don’t have two hours. I think if I got a double jogging stroller I would be fine but the whole carrying one kid on my shoulders thing SO NEVER HAPPENING AGAIN!