Kids really do say the darndest things

To avoid embarrassing anyone I will change the names in this story to Bob and Sue.

Since I’ve had surgery I can’t drive for two weeks. This means people have been taking the boys to school for me.  Yesterday time was running out and the person who usually takes them couldn’t.  So Sue was going to take them.  Only Sue was running late because she was having bathroom issues.  Bob was watching the boys in the car and finally Sue came out and away they went.  This is the conversation that follows:

Brandon: Sue, can I have some of your Hersheys Squirts?

Sue: I don’t have any candy Brandon

Brandon: No, Bob said you have Hersheys Squirts.

So, Sue calls Bob and Bob starts laughing and explains that he didn’t want to tell the boys that Sue couldn’t get off the toilet so instead of saying Sue had the runs he said she had Hersheys Squirts.  Brandon was hell bent on getting some of that candy.  Finally they arrive at school and Sue has to take Brandon to the front office to get a tardy slip.  The secretary asks the boys in front of Brandon why they were late and they explained it was because of the bus.  Then she asked Brandon and he proudly said,


Sue was mortified.  She tried to explain that she had bathroom troubles.  Luckily the secretary didn’t write that on the tardy slip.  It just says "Sues fault."

Sue called me after that and told me she was never taking Brandon to school again.  But I do know that I will never look at a Hersheys Kiss the same way again.

8 thoughts on “Kids really do say the darndest things

  1. OMG! That is funny stuff. Tardy slips are so much cuter when they’re young and honest. Now we get “I slept in” or “I needed coffee” or “I didn’t want to come.” I prefer hershey squirts.


  2. I was having a really shitty day (pun intended, but not in a literal way) Wednesday when I first read this, and can I just say that when my world was falling apart, this here little story was a small ray of sunshine? It made me laugh when I didn’t think I could.


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