This week in pregnancy

  • My pregnancy tickers and calenders keep telling me that the babies movements should slow or have already slowed due to lack of space. My child however, is enjoying proving to me how defiant he already is by choosing instead to kick more frequently and harder! Jen blames this on the full moon. So great, my child is half man witch! Nice!
  • I’ve wrestled with announcing this on my blog, for fear of appear any less sexy then I am. But then I realized, I’M SO FULL OF SEXY that nothing I say could make you all love me less. Anyway is it just me or has wiping after you pee become one hell of a task? I mean really, my arms are just not long enough to reach around my big ass belly anymore. I think I need to install a little shower head by my toilet like they have at the hospital.
  • I think that if you are having a scheduled C-section you should be able to send a little message to your hips, HEY ASSHOLES YOU WON’T BE DELIVERING A BABY PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD STOP SPLITTING APART!!!!! This shit hurts.
  • I am on a mission to devise some sort of “thing” I can do to my husband to make him as uncomfortable and miserable as me, with out actually hurting him or letting him know I was involved. I’m thinking driving into him full blast with my SUV and then rolling over him 4 or 5 more times. Then he would almost feel as glorious as I do right now!
  • Everyone, and I mean everyone keeps telling me how tired I look (fuck you very much for that). Their solution, “Shannon just get a little more rest okay, try and sleep at night.” WELL SHIT! Why didn’t I think of that. Sleeping at night never occurred to me. So here, tonight, just for me, please strap a watermelon to your head. Invite your brand new kitten to sleep with you (they will poke you and bug you about as much as a two year old), try sleeping on only one side, jam a nail into your lower spine, and have someone pull one of your legs all the way to the left and some one pull all the way to the right, and then really, JUST TRY AND GET A LITTLE REST!
  • Telling me how great I look over and over and over, only to see me turn to the side and then exclaim OMG YOU ARE HUGE, I MEAN REALLY HUGE, I MEAN YOUR BELLY IS JUST LIKE POWWWW HUGE RIGHT IN YOU FACE, is not considered nice and doesn’t make me happy!
  • I haven’t been able to see my bikini line in a few months now, I can’t even see it in the mirror. I am afraid of what is happening down thee. Sadly even my husband is afraid to look and give me an update.
  • The sex dreams have not slowed down. What a lovely little treat since I’m still not really allowed to have sex, and even if i was my husband is fuuuhreaked the fuck out about it all, so I’m left suffering through these amazing dreams with no end result for me. No wonder I’m so fucking grumpy huh I just need some ass!
  • It just occurred to me that with a nosy nosy two year old and an infant, and leaking boobs I MAY NEVER HAVE SEX AGAIN! I need a moment to catch my breath. I am a Scorpio I NEED SEX!!!!
  • My husband is a Virgo, he is sooo not as sexual as me!
  • I’ve only developed one crush this pregnancy, on Justin Timberlake. This is by far better then the time I went 9 months with out sex and fell right in love with that kid on the Dell commercials, the lead singer of Eve 6 and the UPS man at my work.
  • Justin Timberlake. OH MY GOD HE IS LIKE SOOOO CUTE. And southern, and he sings, and dances, and has a great smile, and I heard he is great in bed. Dammit why didn’t skinny Shannon get a chance to knock boots with him just once before getting married, knocked up and fat???
  • Knocked up and knocking boots are sooo not the same. Although the involve the same area one is obviously more enjoyable then the other…oddly enough on leads to the other too!
  • I need to pull my head out of the gutter.
  • My boobs are leaking. I love when my two year old cries and it makes my boobs leak. I love when they leak at work. And I love waking up feeling like I’m covered in a hot sticky mess and I got nothing good to show for it!
  • The guys who installed my new flooring yesterday so nicely left every single door open in my house. Ask me how many fucking flies I have in here now!

Oh and Christy. Reno sucks! Yes it is fucking snowing in September. We have a little saying here, wait five minutes and the weather will change. However the truth is, usually in five minutes our weather can change multiple times. I hate cold and snow therefor winter makes for a verrrrrry grumpy Shannon!

6 thoughts on “This week in pregnancy

  1. I admire your acceptance of your body and it rocks that you feel sexy. I felt sexy when I was prego-once the belly popped but it has been a long 9 months of back and forth with the weight stuff. I am just getting to the point where I look in the mirro and say..of you look good today..I try to look ta Max when I feel not pretty and remind myself why my body has today-just for you and Timberlake..I WILL BRING SEXY BACK!!


  2. Is it okay to admit that I laughed my ass of reading this post? I know pregnancy brings those little pleasures. Ok I don\’t know but I heard stories about it :)You should feel sexy cuz you are. At least what I can tell from the pictures. But OMG nine months without sex? How do you do it? No wonder you dream about Justin :)As for making your husband feel as uncomfortable as you. Why not try butting him in the head at night several times? Just pretend you had a bad dream or so *LOL*


  3. I have to two words for you, \”empathy belly.\” your doctor give you the news that you are pregnant, you should automatically get a FREE empathy belly to make you husband wear at any time during your pregnancy. You should also have the option to make ANYONE ELSE who is driving you nuts wear it until you feel they have redeemed themselves for annoying you.


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